To the tune of the Gloucestershire Wassail

---

Assail, assail the Suvian town!

It's urple and sparkly and needs to burn down!

The summer's been dry and the town's full of trees!

So with torches alight let us now run free!

---

So blaze bright, Ormar, thou city of bleen!

And nevermore let thou on Arda be seen!

A Vanyarin town in the Misties' foothills?

That would be enough to warrant a kill!

---

Assail, assail the Suvian town!

It's urple and sparkly and needs to burn down!

North Wilderland cannot have deodar trees!

Middle-Earth, we shall light the night for thee!

---

The houses are wood and the roofs are of thatch!

I reckon it could all go up with just one match!

The Luinocarn river that sparkles so plue

Shall burn no more eyes with its hideous hue!

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Assail, assail the Suvian town!

It's urple and sparkly and needs to burn down!

So at the bidding of one Bonsai Tree,

We will watch the town blaze with so much glee!

---

The fire is kindled and glowing bright!

The town's disappearance is a lovely sight!

And Suvians will trouble the world no more,

Until the next fic the Suethors have in store.

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Assail, assail the Suvian town!

It's urple and sparkly and needs to burn down!

Now Ormar's no more; let's admire the trees!

And with Shire Fourteen-Twenty I'll drink to thee!

To the tune of "That's What I Love About Christmas", by Mark Watters. (from A Very Minty Christmas)

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Oiolossiën, who is Walker Number Ten,

Claims to hail from Elven shores.

Flets high in the air--near the City of Corsairs?

I will contact the Mallorn.

---

So that is a mission for Pyros.

It's hard to believe, with so many maps,

Arda could still get so twisted!

What's the next report? Oh snap!

---

TARDIS comes to land on the world Horizon and

Seven joins with Shepard's squad

For Collector Base. There is Wilting-Lily!Ace,

Which he doesn't see as odd.

---

Most crossovers that are done badly

Mean that Untanglers will separate

Both (or all) timelines enmeshed here.

Now, what is the next report? Oh, great.

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The report's here unfurling; my head is a-whirling

As Legolas falls in love

With a lithe dancer, a "neorcomancer"

Who fell to "Ard" from above.

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With "Hitharglir" ringing from Aragorn's singing

(From Sam's and Gimli's, too)

Of the Beatles' hit songs--half the words are spelled wrong.

To the Comma I patch it through.

---

This is a problem recurring:

Spelling and grammar have disappeared,

Swamped in the technical errors.

What's this next report? Oh dear.

---

Seems that Peter Pevensie loves Miss Crystal Chickadee,

Who's an Archenlandish queen

She's a textbook Mary Sue, to Assassins now patched through.

This next, though, I don't e'en!

This makes no sense! Tungsten-Tritium-Fluorine!?

(To the tune of "All I want for Christmas is You")

I really don't want much for Christmas
There's just one thing that I need
I don't care for gifts or visits
To Ankh-Morpork, Hogswatch eve

I just want time to myself
Away from pop-song singing elves
Flowers make it true!
All I want's a Christmas without Sues

I really don't want much for Christmas
There's just one thing that I need
I don't care for gifts or visits
To Ankh-Morpork, Hogswatch eve

I don't need a gift or present
Hanging by the fireplace
Nobody can pacify
With a halberd Christmas Day

I just want time to myself
Away from pop-song singing elves
Flowers make it true!
All I want's a Christmas without Sues

Oh, I won't ask for much for christmas
I won't even ask to go
Out to New Cal or to OFUM
Or even out to see it snow

I'll keep protesting and shouting
Send it up to the SO
Build up letters, cards and greetings
Begging them to let me go

'Cause I just want off for the night
No Drarry fics, it would be nice
What else can I do?
All I want's a Christmas without Sues

Oh, the atmosphere's so gloomy in HQ
Rife with agents half-mad from another Mary Sue

And everyone is grumbling
I hear the hallways rumbling
SO won't you give us what we really need?
Won't give us a break (c'mon, please!)

We don't ask a lot for Christmas
This is all we're asking for
We don't want any beeps or buzzers
Or Flowers right outside our doors

We just want a tiny break
No glitter, glomps, or Gimli Hate, 
Flowers make it true!
What we want is Christmas--No Sues!

--

Hopefully relatively singeable. I did have to crowbar the meter a bit but it should be to a bare minimum.

On the first day of working, the PPC gave to me:

A partner with an IO curse (hey!)

On the second day of working, the PPC game to me:

Two chocolate candies

And a partner with an IO curse (hey!)

On the third day of working, the PPC gave to me:

Three crash dummies

Two chocolate candies

And a partner with an IO curse (hey!)

On the fourth day of working, the PPC gave to me:

Four litmus strips

Three crash dummies

Two chocolate candies

And a partner with an IO curse (hey!)

On the fifth day of working, the PPC gave to me:

Five whole minutes of vacation!

Four litmus strips

Three crash dummies

Two chocolate candies

And a partner with an IO curse (hey!)

On the sixth day of working, the PPC gave to me:

Six things of SPaGhetti

Five whole minutes of vacation!

Four litmus strips

Three crash dummies

Two chocolate candies

And a partner with an IO curse (hey!)

On the seventh day of working, the PPC gave to me:

Seven pennies to spend

Six things of SPaGhetti

Five whole minutes of vacation!

Four litmus strips

Three crash dummies

Two chocolate candies

And a partner with an IO curse (hey!)

On the eighth day of working, the PPC gave to me:

Eight number eights

Seven pennies to spend

Six things of SPaGhetti

Five whole minutes of vacation!

Four litmus strips

Three crash dummies

Two chocolate candies

And a partner with an IO curse (hey!)

On the ninth day of working, the PPC gave to me:

Nine days of missions

Eight number eights

Seven pennies to spend

Six things of SPaGhetti

Five whole minutes of vacation!

Four litmus strips

Three crash dummies

Two chocolate candies

And a partner with an IO curse (hey!)

On the tenth day of working, the PPC gave to me:

Ten wooden tables

Nine days of missions

Eight number eights

Seven pennies to spend

Six things of SPaGhetti

Five whole minutes of vacation!

Four litmus strips

Three crash dummies

Two chocolate candies

And a partner with an IO curse (hey!)

On the eleventh day of working, the PPC gave to me:

Eleven silly doorknobs

Ten wooden tables

Nine days of missions

Eight number eights

Seven pennies to spend

Six things of SPaGhetti

Five whole minutes of vacation!

Four litmus strips

Three crash dummies

Two chocolate candies

And a partner with an IO curse (hey!)

On the twelfth day of working, the PPC gave to me:

Twelve glass frogs

Eleven silly doorknobs

Ten wooden tables

Nine days of missions

Eight number eights

Seven pennies to spend

Six things of SPaGhetti

Five whole minutes of vacation!

Four litmus strips

Three crash dummies

Two chocolate candies

And a partner with an IO curse (hey!)

---

O'Ryan: Kitty, who wrote this song?

Kittyauthor: Crow did.

O'Ryan: Did you have to mention my curse? And Kitty didn't get twelve of me...

Crow: sipping tea Hmm?

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Real author's note this time: Just a random song from Kitty's point of view.

Which reminds me, I need to make a filk song for the CPP. Hmmm...