re: interlude by
doctorlit
on 2023-09-05 12:33:54 UTC
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Aw, stupid classism making kids feel self-conscious over their hobbies! I’m glad Kaguya was able to overcome that fear eventually, and it’s cute that Momoka is largely responsible for that!
Rhythm games? Easy. Easy! You just need to let the beat inside you, let it flow out your fingers, there is nothing in the moment but you and the sound. EASY
There are a couple spots where you’ve used present-tense verbs, where I think the past tense would work better:
“I know you'd say that.”
“knew”
“The first games I've ever played are rhythm games . . .”
“The first games I ever played were rhythm games . . .”
—doctorlit lets the rhythm into his heart, and sometimes kidneys
Re: New Yuki interlude! by
Linstar
on 2023-08-29 15:33:42 UTC
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The dialogue: "I know you'd say that. What else do I expect from the tea ceremony club president? Well, I'll be on my way now. See ya tomorrow." seems a little unnatural. It just sounds weird to me.
I really like how hilariously difficult that conversation is to understand without knowing what all those canon terms are! Nice.
Overall, short, and enjoyable, interlude.
-Ls