Subject: I *should* probably get to reading Fox' earlier missions... (nm)
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Posted on: 2024-03-05 15:52:48 UTC
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Reading all of OrangeFox's missions because I feel like it by
on 2024-03-03 21:53:10 UTC
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Haven't read any missions in a while, I'm more interested in writing them. Kinda wanna fix that. And I did promise OrangeFox. This post is my way of holding myself to this standard! And I'll read them all in order!
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Mission 1: Starting Hard by
on 2024-03-04 00:08:12 UTC
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The beginning is very functional. It introduces the characters and their basic differences and lists off the things they do. That's the vibe I get from it: A list of actions. They're very basic "first mission together" actions and not described in a terribly interesting way, which makes them feel almost unnecessary. I get how that happens, though, and you did warn me the first few missions were iffy.
That's also how I'd describe the mission entering scene: The characters' reactions are very standard, and even Charlie's reaction to not having a tail is not delved into at all. I'd recommend coming up with fresh ways to describe the actions happening and the characters' emotions if I didn't already know you were well past this point. I can tell Charlie and Jiwon's characters apart though, so good job on that! I would suggest trying to differentiate their word choices more, though, if this weren't your first mission of nine.
The rest of the mission... proceeds in the same way. It's mostly just listing off what the badfic does, listing off some very typical (for them) reactions from Charlie and Jiwon, Charlie and Jiwon discussing whether they need to exorcise or kill... it really feels like someone getting used to what A Mission is and the basics of A Mission. Which is fine! Everyone starts somewhere.
I'm not sure I agree with the analysis of the fic. This is a trollfic, right? It's supposed to be chaotic and funny. So maybe you could engage more with the things that don't make it funny, like all the bathroom humor or the drugs or the fact that it's just random chaos, rather than any inherent sin of uncanonicity. The fic isn't bad because it's bending canon to be crack, it's bad because the crack is CLEARLY diluted with sugar. Shameful!
The assassination/exorcism is... not the greatest? The first half is trying to mimic the tone and style of the badfic for parallelism but it just comes off as jarring. The exorcism bit is nice, though:
> Jiwon looked down at the pool of plant vomit, a disgusted expression on his face. “You really need to get that checked out.” He crouched down over Zomboss’s stirring form. “Um, excuse me. Over here, please?” > Zomboss slowly turned his head to stare up at Jiwon… only to immediately get lightly slapped across the face. “Alright, listen up here, Sue-Wraith,” Jiwon said in what was supposed to be a stern voice, but ended up coming out more mildly annoyed. He began lightly tapping the pipe against the metal floor. > “Get out of the zombie, you glittery… thing.” He slapped Zomboss again, but nothing happened. He paused. “Um. Maybe I should be louder? Ahem.”
This made me smile. And then Jiwon escalating in volume and confidence until he gets to "SHUT UP!" is really cool too.
You said in the A/N that you were proud of finishing this, and I think you should be. It's very clearly a first mission, but it's still A Mission, and a lengthy one, too. That's quite the undertaking!
Now to list off stuff that made me smile:
> The baby was a Sun-Shooter, (or a Pea-Flower) which produces sun and shoots peas. > "Should I… should I charge for the name?" Jiwon asked, looking over at Charlie. > Charlie responded with a shrug and a smile. > “I… sure.”
> Chapter Two: Revenge of Sunflowers Death > “Oh, she did die. Nevermind.” Charlie didn't look at all put out by this development. "Nice."
> The two agents laid in the street for a bit, stunned. The rain continued to patter on the ground, creating an atmosphere that would have been dramatic if not for the burning zombies in the background and the strong smell of bacon and burnt grass. > Charlie glanced over at Jiwon, who was shuddering and curled up in a fetal position. “Hey, you’re okay, right?” > Jiwon gave a tiny nod, making a small whimpering noise in the back of his throat.
Although this moment could have used some more buildup with Jiwon gradually getting sicker, this is heartwarming.
> “Ugh… what did I miss?” he asked, pushing himself back up only to notice the enormous, hulking zombie sticking out of the fence, making him flinch backwards in shock. Luckily, it didn’t seem interested in doing much except stare blankly at the sky. > Charlie gave a small, casual shrug. “Not much, really.” > “Not much? Charlie, there’s a Gargantuar sticking through the fence.” > “Pretty sure he was already there.”
> Charlie, on the other hand, kept up the leisurely pace they were jogging at as they ran across the field. Then their brain finally processed what was happening, and they turned back, still running. > “Hold up, those guys weren’t even attacking or anything. What even is this?” The disguised tabaxi returned their gaze forward and kept moving, though their expression had gone from casually relaxed to visibly disturbed. “What kind of person just kills folks who aren’t even fighting back?” > “These guys, apparently,” Jiwon said, slowing down as the two reached the end of the field and caught up to the plants.
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And this necessitated a new Board thread why? by
on 2024-03-03 23:52:48 UTC
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Fox's most recent mission had a thread already, you didn't need to make an announcement on its own thread.
--Ls
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It would be weird to start reading from the beginning on the thread dedicated to the latest mission. by
on 2024-03-04 01:56:44 UTC
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At least that was my logic.
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I mean, not really? by
on 2024-03-04 21:12:07 UTC
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In the future at least, it's almost always better to avoid overcrowding the front page with new threads.
Of course, depending on how quickly you make your way through Fox's missions, you might end up reading one of mine, too--if we can get that cowrite done in a reasonable amount of time. :0
--Ls, who has decided to adopt kA's Not Angry (tm)
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I'd say it's fine. by
on 2024-03-05 02:23:18 UTC
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It's a "reposting old missions" project, similar to Huinesoron's PPC+20 posts, and getting new eyes on old stories is hardly a bad thing. Plus, the bottom of the Board currently still reaches back to January, so we still have a month's worth of topics visible on the front page.
—doctorlit, letting the Spice flow, where "the Spice" is a euphemism for discussion topics
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Seconded. Hey, maybe this way other people can join in, like a book club! (nm) by
on 2024-03-05 03:14:31 UTC
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I *should* probably get to reading Fox' earlier missions... (nm) by
on 2024-03-05 15:52:48 UTC
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