For too long, we've been overworked and underpaid (paid? You've been paid?) Today, we say NO MORE!
We’ve been given to understand that you people are fans of us (?? Uh…thanks? Weird) so in light of that, we have a SPECIAL PROPOSAL!
Do you like PPC agents? Have you ever enjoyed their mission reports or the…accounts of their downtime that are somehow on your wiki as well (?! How?)? Well, today we'd like to invite you to give back and take this ~exclusive~ opportunity to send your favorite agent on vacation! Or any other agent, really, we’re extremely not picky. (Didn't you set this whole thing up because you want to go to that new Star Wars location for a week? Shut up, I’m trying to benefit all of us here!)
What do you get? The satisfaction of a good deed! The bragging rights of having done something nice for one of the poor (literally!) agents you spend time (years, some of them! How far back does this fan group go?) reading about! A fancy virtual badge to put on your wiki page! (I am not making those. Take that out. We need an incentive! It stays. I'm not doing it. If you leave it in this’ll end up as a scam. It'll be fine! When the vacation funds come rolling in, you'll catch the spirit. I will not.) The eternal gratitude of one or more agents, possibly literally! (We have some very long-lived people here, you know. They know. We all know. The Time Lords never shut up about it. Are Time Lords actually immortal, though? Listen, if the Doctor can exception his way into a whole new set of regenerations and get us Twelve, Thirteen, and now Fourteen, surely the Notary could paperwork her way into something, and then there’s those two who literally don't even remember their ages anymore...the Time Lords count.)
What do we get? The one, the only, the mythical…VACATION!
Donor tiers:
Tier One: Trainee. You have sent half an agent on a mini-vacation. Thanks?
Tier Two: Agent. You have sent a full agent on a mini-vacation! Well done.
Tier Three: Flower. You have sent a Flower on a vacation? For some reason? (Why do we even have this tier? I don't know! I didn't add it!)
Tier Four: Party Like It’s 2003! You have sent two agents on a vacation to Middle-earth, with a film camera and a pair of knitting needles. Thanks! (Old school. Shut up, it still sounds like fun. Is there even a film developer still in HQ? Sure! I know like three separate people. One of them even has a roaming storefront. How? Don't worry about it!)
Tier Five: No TARDIS? No Problem! You have sent two agents a shocking distance away. With a little bit of luck, maybe the console won't be able to find them early…
Tier Six: To Be Announced
Tiers Seven through Nineteen: Missing (clever. Look, it’s hard coming up with these, and that last scene change got mud in my eyes! I’m not redoing that many tiers! It’s not my fault my hand slipped when I was trying to catch my balance. It’ll be fine.)
Tiers Twenty through Twenty-Three: Under Construction
Tier Twenty-Four: We’re HQ-Wide, Baby! You have somehow managed to send everyone in HQ on vacation. This is never going to happen. Please make this happen. I have no idea how this would even work. Would it even be worth it to return to that much backlog?? (The curse of the HQ-wide vacation: every single person returns to backlog. It was an attempt to discourage vacation all along. Tremble, all ye masses, and despair. Pessimist. You can't possibly tell me you think I'm completely off-base. You’re still a pessimist. And is that quote even right? Do you think I have time to check? I'm the one keeping the charge list, here! Okay, okay, sorry.)
Tier Twenty-Five: In The Making. You've sent me and my amazing, hard-working partner mission gift baskets and gift cards to every good restaurant in New Cal. We're very happy with you. We hope you'll share this campaign with all your friends, family, and acquaintances. Thank you!
(Do you honestly think this will work? Oh, I have no clue. It's worth a shot, though, isn't it? Definitely. I think we can end this in two chapters, by the way. Really? Awesome! Oh for a spa day… You want a spa? Go use the uncanonical one before it vanishes, if you don't mind the stray cat assassins. I…think I’ll take my chances with next chapter’s canonical hot springs instead. Suit yourself; I kind of liked the random cat-ssassins…)
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Treat your agents well ;) and, as expected, happy April Fool’s Day! This concept started out as “send a Jacques on holiday”, with the thought of maybe a quick poster type thing (of the kind quickly created in a Word doc, because that's the kind of vibe I was thinking of), and then when I actually realized I’d reached the day, this is what came to me instead. I don't know who the agents are, but, frankly, it probably works better for them to be anonymous. After all, they’re (unplannedly and un-electedly) representing all PPC agents! Whether every agent agrees with this approach is another matter…
(Did I start off with numbered tiers and then decide I wanted to get clever with years for the last three [sets of] tiers? Yes. Absolutely. It was fun.)
Hope you're having a good one :)
~Z