Four things we look for in Permission requests: community wossname, character, understanding of the PPC, and writing.

Community

Well, I can hardly say we don't know you! I'm still not entirely confident in your intentions, given statements like 'back to waiting and community-ing' which imply that you see interacting with the community as a hurdle on the way to getting Permission, rather than, y'know, the whole reason the Board is here, but I'll give you a tentative pass on this one.

Characters

Valon - Fairly inoffensive, really. Your samples represent the 'chaotic' aspect of his personality fairly well. Hopefully you'll also remember to keep track of 'poor fighter', rather than having him murder his way through the multiverse. The shovel I... don't really care about either way? It's good if you use it well, pointless if you just give him guns instead/let Kala do the fighting. It depends how you write it.

One thing: hi there, mostly-accurate description of my own colour-blindness! Are you colour-blind yourself? If so, or if you've talked to someone to get the details, fine. If not, from personal experience I'd say that Valon would probably see urple as pink, not purple; purple is pretty much a non-colour for me, with pink running straight into blue. It's mostly etymology at that point, but I thought I'd mention. (Also, please remember that brown is a shade of yellow, so yellow-lime green is just as indistinct as brown-dark green)

Kala - On appearance, the Romani/Roma ethnic type tends to be somewhat darker than you've drawn her. They also tend towards dark hair, so I'm curious as to why she dyes (or bleaches) hers. Cultural conflict, or just felt like it?

I'm not really seeing the characteristics in her bio carried over to the samples. Sadonic, irritable, troublemaker? The only one that comes across is irritable, and that only around the Marquis. Valon sexually assaults her and accuses her of a crime she didn't commit, and she takes both of them really calmly. It doesn't really gel with how I'd imagine 'has been transferred out of three different homes' would leave you.

Purely from her bio, though, she seems okay. I'm trusting that you know the canon well enough to not have anything unrealistic from that angle.

PPC understanding

Ehh... yeah, fine. Nothing coming up as 'wait, that's not the PPC'. I don't think Makes-Things would just shove her into the Marquis' office without a word, and I'm certain the Marquis would recognise him, but fine. Equally, the Marquis doesn't sit - he's a giant Daisy - but again, that's a 'little details' sort of thing that a beta should catch, and/or you could tweak after publication (which is a thing that we shouldn't be afraid of). The idea of the Marquis checking the Words around a recruit for her details is new as far as I know, but I quite like it.

As to the RC decor... okay, that's weird, but it's weird in an interesting way. Again, though, make sure you don't forget about it. (And... why is there chicken in the walls?)

Oh, yeah: 'ZEEN!'? That's not a normal console noise. Unless you've got an explanation, it'd be best to change that back.

Writing

The big one. Okay:
-Spelling, punctuation, grammar - check.
-Sueish characters - uncheck (which is good).
-Consistent characters - mostly check (see the comments about Kala above)
-Writing style - ... writing style. Yeah.

I have to agree with TheShyIon here - it's trying too hard. Comments like 'What did you think would happen?' or 'You might be surprised by which one was the first to turn bright red and scream.' are basically highlighting the humour, which you don't need to if it's funny. A simple 'naturally, the device was broken on impact' works just fine.

Equally (and still on the 'trying too hard' front), you've got some pretty overwrought descriptive phrases. 'Valon heard the girtablilu speak, and grinned'? We can tell from the fact that he's replying to her that he heard her speak. Two paragraphs above, everything up to 'Kala just stood there' is redundant: we can see from the description of his rambles that it's confusing and impossible to keep up with.

What this comes down to is that your writing is a really good example of the conflict in 'show, don't tell'. You're currently doing both: telling, then showing. And you don't need to; the showing is fine by itself. We, the readers, are capable of spotting why it's funny that Valin jumps away first, without you highlighting it. We're capable of understanding that someone going on about the Magic School Bus is funny and confusing. And yes, there are a lot of other examples of the same thing.

On the other hand... your second sample barely does any of this, and you actually allow the dialogue to take centre-stage (though, still, we can guess from "... what?" that Kala looked confused, and with only two characters we can keep track of who's speaking). So I'm wondering whether you were trying to show off too much of the details in the first story.

Eh.

Ehh.

Ehhhhhhh I hate making decisions. This is why I didn't want to be a Permission Giver.

Arright, fine. I'm going to put a bit of faith in you and say Permission Granted. Please, please take on board everything I've said here, and everything that's been said to you before, and use it to continually improve your writing.

(Also, given that both eatpraylove and SkarmorySilver offered to beta for you previously, and both provided their emails, I've got no idea why you didn't email them rather than asking twice more. It's quite rude to ignore someone's offer like that, really)

hS

It feels a like it's trying a little too hard to be funny. I struggle with the proper balance too, and may have a different tolerance than others, but the saying "less is more" would apply, I think.

(That sentence has too many commas. >_
Also, while occasionally calling the Marquis the Daisy isn't too jarring, the Daisy is a different Flower.

In this thread, you asked for advice on Song of Ice and Fire minis. I pointed out that quarantine means 'don't use anything', and VixenMage and Neshomeh explained that even if that weren't the situation, naming the mini-type is something left to the OFU writer (which there isn't one, and can't be), or the first person to write a mission there (which there aren't any).

With all that being the case... why have you given Valon a Song of Ice and Fire mini?

(Not commenting on Permission either way in this post, I want to resolve this question first. Also, it's a genuine question; please don't respond with 'okay fine I'll remove it' or somesuch, but with an actual explanation as to what it's doing there. Thanks)

hS