That makes no sense at all.

Subject: That makes no sense at all.
Author: Scapegrace
Posted on: 2015-01-10 21:47:00 UTC

I mean, for starters, if Smaug could do that, the entire plot of The Hobbit would be different. He disguises himself as a gold coin or whatever, waits for the Dwarves and everyone else to come in, then barbecues the lot. GG three of the Five Armies, and the fourth Good-aligned one won't bother to turn up.

Also, wasn't Ancalagon dead by that point? I mean, my knowledge of that era of Middle-Earth history's a little sketchy (translation: I can't be bothered to do research for the benefit of this tripe), but I was fairly certain he died fairly early on.

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Tolkien spins in his grave some more. by Tawaki on 2015-01-08 21:25:00 UTC Reply

The Heir of Fëanor > by Aurorien reviews
A runaway-prince-turned-Cassiline-warrior becomes the unlikely bodyguard of the heir of Fëanor, who happens to be one very rebellious elven princess...chaos ensues... LegolasOC, ElladanOC, ElrohirOC
Lord of the Rings - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 3 - Words: 2,196 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 4 - Updated: Jan 20, 2005 - Published: Jan 17, 2005 - Legolas

My comment: Well, Lúthien Maglorien, you can count yourself lucky Agent Dafydd isn't here anymore.

2. Elves behaving badly > by SleepEatRead -- NSFW/B!
Bella Greengrass; Shy, sweet, nerdy, silent, street-wise, smart-mouth, obedient seventeen-year-old, is dragged with the plans of the elves when they show up at her doorstep. She is the exact opposite of any fanfiction heroine. Part of the plan she needs to marry one of the oldest of Fëanor's sons and produce an heir, all part of Maedhros's plans.
Silmarillion - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 4 - Words: 11,432 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 2 - Published: Dec 10, 2014

My comment: +++ Divide By Cucumber Error. Please Reinstall Universe And Reboot. +++

More badfic by Desdendelle on 2015-01-14 00:34:00 UTC Reply

Death's Daughter by My Harlequin Romance reviews
Even since Chase began to rule the world, with Omi at his side, the underworld has had an overload of souls. Enter Ako, Death's daughter, to sort the whole mess out. Finished
Rated: Fiction T - English - Supernatural/Adventure - Chapters: 13 - Words: 8,473 - Reviews: 36 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 4 - Updated: Nov 3, 2005 - Published: Oct 21, 2005 - Status: Complete

Sue, CAF, makes up Shen Gong Wu, makes up dumb Xiaolin Showdowns, is Death's Daughter, inserts Death into the Xiaolinverse. Augh, my head.
Oh, and FIM isn't the only Pony gen subject to badfic. by Tawaki on 2015-01-10 14:49:00 UTC Reply

This complex is all about a Tales Sue.

I... Don't quite know what to make of this. by World-Jumper on 2015-01-13 21:48:00 UTC Reply

On the one hand, alicorn OC. That's, like, instant -20 goodfic points. On the other, this author seems serious. After all, they created a website for this series, with art and everything. Clearly, they mean business. Further, the author's note on the first chapter says that they know it is not the best, and is actively trying to fix it.

Seems to me like this fic should be left alone, at least for now. Even if the fic is just as bad later on, do we want the fight that this will likely bring? I dunno. Still pretty bad though.

And at least, the art is pretty good. (nm) by domirossi on 2015-01-15 19:31:00 UTC Reply

Oh, isn't he? >:D by Huinesoron on 2015-01-09 09:22:00 UTC Reply

You say Dafydd isn't here any more, and you'd be right - but that story dates from 2005.

So I think Lúthien Maglorien will be receiving a backdated visit from her purported father. Now to decide who to partner him with for it...

hS

Also: bwahaha, blast from the past. by Huinesoron on 2015-01-09 09:29:00 UTC Reply

In the reviews for The Heir of Feanor, I see a message from a certain red wolf, directing the author to someplace called the PPC Board? Yes, it seems we already talked about this fic - ten years ago - and that our most infamous troll took it upon herself to tell the writer about our discussion.

Alas, the Board archives don't quite cover the date in question, so we can't see what we were saying about it. But still - pretty cool!

Dafydd's still going to murder it.

hS

Looking forward to seeing this! (nm) by Fish Custard on 2015-01-10 14:29:00 UTC Reply

You think that's bad? by Voyd on 2015-01-08 23:55:00 UTC Reply

I found a Suefic on FFNet. The Suethor has read the Silmarillion, knows that a male elf is called an "ellon," and knows details of the War of Wrath.

So why, oh, why, did she write a Suefic where a modern-Earth human dies and reincarnates as Ancalagon's adopted daughter, and plans on romancing Smaug?

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10508024/1/Draconic-Supremacy

Uurrrgghhh. This is all kinds of wrong... oh, and the Sue's dragon form has lavender scales. Yeah. *actually shudders IRL*

I read the first couple of chapters. by Huinesoron on 2015-01-09 16:58:00 UTC Reply

It... doesn't really resemble Morgoth's Beleriand at all.

I mean, yes, all the names are there - but the characters feel more like, I don't even know what. It feels like Morgoth's running a company, with Sauron and Ancalagon as his employees, and... no elves around at all. Beleriand doesn't feel like it's in ruins - it feels like a city park that Ancalagon wanders around.

Actually, yeah: the whole thing feels like a high school AU where the author forgot to change the species around. It's weird.

hS

(Lavender... tell me she doesn't eat ice cream at any point)

Re: I read the first couple of chapters. by Voyd on 2015-01-09 17:21:00 UTC Reply

Blessedly, there's no ice cream. Thank goodness for small favors.

Oh dear. by Neshomeh on 2015-01-09 16:05:00 UTC Reply

I'll have to keep that one in mind for Derik and Gall. I'm not going to outright claim it, since I don't know when I'll be able to get around to it, so if anyone else is really pumped to tackle it, please do. Otherwise, let it be known that I've got my eye on it.

~Neshomeh

And now I've read all eight chapters. by Neshomeh on 2015-01-10 19:57:00 UTC Reply

... Ugh. Just UGH. Aside from the bad grammar and general uncanon (dragons gain the ability to take another form at age 100? Ancalagon forms an alliance with Gil-Galad? Bwuh?), there's a really graphic description of dragon-rape in chapter eight. Given to someone that should be considered a baby by the one doing the describing. Totally unnecessary, doesn't fit with the tone of the rest of the fic, let alone Tolkien, and just WHY? D X}

I'm gonna go throw up now.

~Neshomeh

That makes no sense at all. by Scapegrace on 2015-01-10 21:47:00 UTC Reply

I mean, for starters, if Smaug could do that, the entire plot of The Hobbit would be different. He disguises himself as a gold coin or whatever, waits for the Dwarves and everyone else to come in, then barbecues the lot. GG three of the Five Armies, and the fourth Good-aligned one won't bother to turn up.

Also, wasn't Ancalagon dead by that point? I mean, my knowledge of that era of Middle-Earth history's a little sketchy (translation: I can't be bothered to do research for the benefit of this tripe), but I was fairly certain he died fairly early on.

Oh, but-- by Neshomeh on 2015-01-11 01:01:00 UTC Reply

They can only take one form, and whatever they choose, they're stuck with it forever. And if the prologue is to be believed, Smaug chooses an Elvish form.

Which would still totally change things.

But, the fic so far is set before the War of Wrath, when Eärendil kills Ancalagon, and Smaug is a baby at twenty-something. The timeline seems to check out. The amount of research the author appears to have done makes everything else all the more baffling. O.o

~Neshomeh

Hm. by Scapegrace on 2015-01-11 01:59:00 UTC Reply

If that's the case, then... well, I smell troll. Or a very, very well-intentioned badfic. Casual Suethors don't put in that level of research. They just... don't. At least, that's what I've garnered from the stuff I've read.

(and written please don't talk about the l words i don't like to be reminded of how turdtastic i was when younger)

Aren't... most badfics well-intentioned? by Huinesoron on 2015-01-12 10:14:00 UTC Reply

I mean, most people try to write something which is good. It's just that people's knowledge/understanding of what 'good' is varies dramatically. Some people think getting name+sex+vague description right means you're doing it properly; some think that only writing about actual events explicitly mentioned in the canon is viable; most of us are somewhere in between.

hS

Yeah, but there's different kinds. by Scapegrace on 2015-01-12 10:27:00 UTC Reply

In the event that this is legit, I think the author of the fic in question isn't just trying to tell a good story; they're trying to tell an interesting story about a bit of Middle-Earth history that wasn't covered at all in the primary material fangirls are familiar with. That's sort of what fanfiction is supposed to do. And they've obviously done at least a little bit of research into the period, even if it is only to get the names right, so... yeah, if it's legit, then the author doesn't know they're terrible.

However, it being a trollfic makes more sense to me; the things that are wrong with it on the surface - quite the list - are cliched to the point of ridiculous. Endbringer's bones, if we ever figure out a way to burn speshul we're quids in with this one. And that's what says troll to me - it's badfic bad, but with actual research and effort... unless the author was already familiar with that bit of Arda's long and storied history, and just decided to dick around with it for a cheap laugh. =]

(Also, for Nesh's benefit: The L Words was a Friendship Is Magic darkfic I wrote a while back, which I now realise is terrible... and I am on record as defending it to the hilt. I was a badfic author. Maybe that's why I disappeared for a year under something of a cloud.)

(Oh, BTW, hS...) by Scapegrace on 2015-01-12 10:35:00 UTC Reply

I'm still working on that fic concerning early blackpowder weapons in the Third Age and similar fun stuff. I've got a rough plan for the first act, if you want to look it over and rip it to shreds. =]

Oh, speaking of BTW... by Huinesoron on 2015-01-12 17:02:00 UTC Reply

... welcome back, was gonna say that earlier, but, um... didn't? Didn't.

While you were gone, I temporarily turned your Time Lord into a multiversal supervillain's sidekick, but that whole timeline got wiped out so it's fine. And Wobbles' TV show got syndicated by NutMint TV, though apparently she's not very helpful when it comes to actually passing on information (or maybe they just suck at asking).

And... goodness, yeah, I'd forgotten about that. I'm always up for shredding duty; do you have my email? It forgets, preciousssss.

hS

Thanks! =] by Scapegrace on 2015-01-12 17:31:00 UTC Reply

I'd read the Council stuff (heh, if we find a Doctor Who/XCOM badfic, we HAVE to call it Council Mission), but I hadn't seen the stuff about NutMint. I like the thought of the Tengwablocks and would watch the herbacious border out of Canon Primer. Edutainment at its most edutaining is always a joy, and I think it's the closest the Nursery bods'll ever get to watching Come Outside.

Of course, I'm not sure certain Flowers would really want to encourage the idea of an "outside", but whatcha gonna do?

Also, I'm afraid I don't have your email to hand.

I'm sorry, Uncle.

I'm afraid I lost it. =]

Email. by Huinesoron on 2015-01-13 11:08:00 UTC Reply

Should be visible above. If not, I, uh... won't be all that surprised, it's always been a bit of a long shot.

hS

Bugger. It does not appear to be. by Scapegrace on 2015-01-13 14:44:00 UTC Reply

However!

You may contact me via Harry Heath 99 at that email service where the mail is hot. =]
Assuming it's right... by Scapegrace on 2015-01-13 12:49:00 UTC Reply

Then I've supplied you with a link to the googly dockerment. =]

It feels legit to me. by Neshomeh on 2015-01-11 18:01:00 UTC Reply

I believe the author is well-intentioned, but very, very clueless. One of the first author's notes says something about how the fic is definitely very experimental, or something like that. She also says the main character isn't a self-insert at one point.

On the other hand, there's an author's note where she's agreeing with a reviewer that proper grammar is important, and it's so hard to read fics where people just ignore it, so yeah. I think it's a case of knowing, but not understanding. She's trying to write like Tolkien without knowing what makes Tolkien sound like Tolkien, so she uses overly complicated phrasing and throws in fancy words where they're not warranted.

Like "albeit." Albeit is not a synonym for "but" or "yet," and yet she uses it like that throughout. So annoying. >.
(I don't know what the l words are, sorry if I mentioned any. o.o )

~Neshomeh

Re: Oh dear. by Voyd on 2015-01-09 17:07:00 UTC Reply

I'd be willing to come along for the ride. I've wanted to feed a Sue to Ancalagon anyway, though my original idea for a leadup to it wouldn't work in this fic, since it depends on one of the agents not knowing who Ancalagon is. It goes something like this

Agent 1: "I want to feed this Sue to a really big monster... and I know just the one."

Agent 2: "Smaug?"

Agent 1: "Bigger."

Agent 2: "Cthulhu?"

Agent 1: "Bigger."

(scene change, as they walk through the mountains)

Agent 2: "Balerion?"

Agent 1: That continuum's quarantined. Also, bigger."

Agent 2: "Ego, the Living Planet?"

Agent 1: "... okay, smaller."

A Dragon!Sue on ARDA!? Oh, Glaurung! by Tawaki on 2015-01-09 15:49:00 UTC Reply

WHAT color scales? And Ancalagon as an OVERPROTECTIVE dad!?

Ëarendil, you have a phone call on Line One. Ëarendil, Line One. Thank you!
*cringes* Ouch. by eatpraylove on 2015-01-09 03:44:00 UTC Reply

Interesting idea, but...ouch.

Also, as long as we're talking about badfic, I would like to announce my next claim! Behold:

A Deeper Wound than Love, taking place in "Free!", an anime about high school boys who start a swim club. This one has kind of a cookie-cutter plot, as per usual, but I think I can come up with enough fanservice jokes to get me through a mission. (Seriously, there is a lot of fanservice in this show. Probably why the Internet loves it.)
Ugh. Just.. ugh. by Tigeress on 2015-01-09 01:31:00 UTC Reply

I couldn't get past the first chapter. Why oh why are there no good dragonfics?! (At least I haven't found any yet...)

Waiiit a minute... by eatpraylove on 2015-01-08 23:24:00 UTC Reply

Didn't Isaiah/the PPC at large already deal with a Sue who romanced (one of) the Twins and Legolas? The reviews compliment the first author on her use of the Silmarillion (and even offer concrit!), so you'd think she'd have acknowledged the whole elves-marry-once-and-only-once thing. (Assuming the same OC is shipped with all three of them, of course.)

The second one sounds like the summary for a parody Suefi...il she mentions Fëanor's descendants. Speaking as someone who hasn't read the Silmarillion (yet)...seriously? Seriously?

Gah, that should be "fi...il". Stupid censors. (nm) by eatpraylove on 2015-01-08 23:25:00 UTC Reply

The first word should be Suefic and the second until, yes? (nm) by Storme Hawk on 2015-01-09 12:36:00 UTC Reply

Yup. (nm) by eatpraylove on 2015-01-09 13:24:00 UTC Reply