Whoa dang, great story. (nm)

Non-PPC Writing by Asbestoast on 2014-12-04 21:33:00 UTC Reply

Hey, would it be alright if I posted a link to something I wrote? It's not PPC, so my lack of Permission shouldn't be a problem. I just typed it up for a flash-fiction event for a class, and I could use some concrit. I couldn't find on the wiki if this would be cool or not, so I figured I would ask.

Here's the link! by Asbestoast on 2014-12-04 22:35:00 UTC Reply

After only a little bit of confusion and sheepishness, here's the link! Please, let me know what you think!
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1dKTv2XWeJGPgFd_YCuDSeP3KtPi8zrgziAMeQw3z7YI/edit?usp=sharing

This was really good! (nm) by Iximaz on 2014-12-06 22:42:00 UTC Reply

Thanks for checking it out! (nm) by Asbestoast on 2014-12-07 14:43:00 UTC Reply

Whoa dang, great story. (nm) by eatpraylove on 2014-12-06 13:17:00 UTC Reply

Thanks! (nm) by Asbestoast on 2014-12-06 22:38:00 UTC Reply

Well, I like how you build up the suspense. by Hieronymus Graubart on 2014-12-05 21:29:00 UTC Reply

But I’m a bit disappointed with myself, because at the end, I still don’t get what’s up with the lime green luchador. Is this part of a greater universe I should know?

I don’t understand Spanish. Does "Pensé que eras otra persona" translate to "I thought you were another person"?

Maybe I have to reread it when I’m less tired. Anyway, I left some technical comments on the GDoc.

HG

Thanks for checking it out! by Asbestoast on 2014-12-06 05:02:00 UTC Reply

The luchador was in the Mexico City photograph. It's alright, the ending was meant to be a bit cryptic and make more sense on a subsequent read.
"Pensé que eras otra persona" should translate to "I thought you were another person," provided four years of high school Spanish and Google Translate did their jobs correctly.
Thanks for the technical comments, I'll go check those out now, and thanks for being the first to give some feedback!

See the top of the board. ;) by JulyFlame on 2014-12-04 21:36:00 UTC Reply

"If you've got a story to plug, an opinion to share, or a discussion you want to join in, this is the place!"

In short, yes.

Well, I feel silly. by Asbestoast on 2014-12-04 22:33:00 UTC Reply

Thanks for cluing me in, JulyFlame.