With heartfelt apology to T.S. Elliot.

The Naming of Sues is a difficult business,
It isn't just one of your holiday games;
For every Sue, whether Miss, Ms, or Mrs,
Must have not one, not two, but THREE DIFFERENT NAMES.

First of all, there's the name she purports to be known by,
Such as Star Princess Moona, or Ithily Trace,
Such as Sparkles of Widewood, or Lucy Ann Angstfly--
The nonsense they make up for all of their days.
Familiar names they will warp with abandon,
Like Harriet Potter, or Mabel Greenleaf,
And other names twisted and altered from canon:
These are the names which they use to give grief.

But I tell you, a Sue needs a name that is easier,
A nickname for canons she likes to adopt,
Else how can they prove they're the ones who adore her,
And follow her round before they can be stopped?
Now names of this kind all have something in common,
Whether Ellie or Marcie or Anya or Ka,
Or Yulie or Oma or -- well, I could go on;
See how close to the names of their authors they are!

But above and beyond there's still one name left over,
And that is the name that you've known from the start;
The name that's a label for all to discover,
The name that we give to her right from the heart:
For if you see a Sue in a fanfic or story,
You know her by what she is certain to do:
She'll torture the world, make it sing to her glory,
For her third name is simple: she is Mary Sue.
She's ineffable, effable,
Effanineffable,
Shallow and boring cliche: Mary Sue.

~hS