The following review is going to contain my honest opinions. I apologize in advance if I seem to be insulting in places. That is not and has never been my intention.

As doctorlit mentioned, I don’t understand why Rashida is so unpleasant to her partner. She hits Falchion with insults and sarcasm right out of the gate and it doesn’t really let up. It makes me not really like her as a character. There’s nothing wrong with that, of course, so long as that was your intention.

Do you really need Rashida to go over almost every bit of basic information with Falchion? Has he not received any training in the three days he’s been in headquarters? Not even a quick spiel from one of the Flowers? I would presume that anyone who joins the PPC at least has some cursory knowledge about what they do. Otherwise, why would they join? Plus, it feels somewhat redundant from a meta-audience standpoint. Most of the people who are going to read your story know about Sues and the PPC.

I fail to see the point of the recurring bit with Falchion recording the tickling scenes. I’m not sure if it was supposed to be funny, some kind of character building, or something else. Because Rashida is right; he is jeopardizing the Duty by doing that. It almost feels like he’s an addict considering that he runs away to film Neo in a separate room at one point. It’s also questionable in the sense that he is recording people without their knowledge or consent for his own personal use. If your intent was to build up his character, I’d question your methods in that regard.

There are points where Rashida and Falchion’s dialogue sound pretty much interchangeable. Act 3 page 13, for example, when the two are talking about the Chell/Neo ship. I had to read the section a few times to determine who was saying what.

Falchion’s revelation occurs far sooner in the fic than I had anticipated. It’s also a bit… anti-climactic. It’s just sort of “and then he remembered” and the story continues on from them. I feel like you could have kept dragging that out. To have the revelation in the first act drags down the pacing of the rest of the story in my view, particularly since he seems to get over it relatively quickly.

Everything involving Ripper confronting the agents feels very contrived. Anyother agents would have assassinated him the moment he found out about their existence, story be damned. Rashida has several instances where she can and should shoot him in Act 4 when he first shows up (also he pulls a gun out of nowhere in that scene). Plus, considering that his threats have no payoff, what was the point?

On a more positive note, you do a decent job balancing the agents with actual lines from the fic. It’s a hard mix to get right. There are some areas where it could be better (if the fic-text takes up more than half a page, it’s probably a bit much) but it was never too obtrusive.

I also liked the agent’s transition into the pseudo-scriptfic style of the story. I feel like it goes on a bit too long, though. And you really didn’t need to bring it back.

Finally, some specific criticisms:
– “No, this is Bad Slash [...] Of course you're in RC #227! It gives me such joy to think that you honestly got the number wrong.” The structure of this phrase is rather strange, which I would argue is in part due to the sarcasm feeling forced.
– “Canonically, Stratogale only appeared in one scene in the film[...]” Why would Rashida need to say this if Falchion is the big Incredibles fan? He should probably be the one saying it.
– The transition between Acts 3 and 4 was very jarring. The two were at each others throats and then… everything’s fine. Maybe you haven’t rewritten that part yet.
– Why didn’t your agents immediately take the real Violet back to Medical immediately upon finding her? There’s no point to them dragging her around other than to create unnecessary drama.
– Your first charge list is a block of text nearly half a page long, making it nearly impossible to read. Your second charge list isn’t much better in terms of its length.

All in all, I did not enjoy this story. Your characters were unlikeable in my eyes and your actual story dragged on for far too long for what ultimately far too little of a payoff. Starting off with the epic multiparter was perhaps not the best way to introduce readers to Falchion and Rashida.

I read this mission during a work shift, so this may not be as comprehensive as usual, due to the lag between reading it and writing this. I just wanted to make some general, overall observations. (I also obviously couldn't listen to the music at work, so I won't comment on that.)

First, on the relationship between Rashida and Falchion. I don't understand why Rashida has so much enmity towards Falchion. Being upset at him filming the tickling scenes is understandable, and, of course, there was the fight scene in the introductory interlude. However, in this mission, Rashida keeps saying that Falchion is incompetent and arrogant, and as a reader, I don't understand why. As far as I can tell, Rashida hasn't seen any evidence of Falchion being incompetent: their fight was close, as they both had red health bars in the final turn. He also displays functioning knowledge of the crossover's main canons. Sure, there are some things he's unfamiliar with, but all in all, he's doing pretty well for a recent recruit on his first mission, especially in light of what he discovers later.

I have an even harder time understanding Rashida's claims of arrogance on Falchion's part. The audience gets a paragraph of narration from Falchion's perspective during the battle, but Rashida isn't privy to that; from her point of view, Falchion is acting just like a regular, wild Skarmory (putting aside the question of just how self-aware Pokémon are, since that varies by title). I also don't see much pride in this mission; Falchion is acting pretty green, both questioning his partner about unfamiliar things as well as testing what behaviors she's comfortable with him performing in her presence. Some changes need to be made on one side or the other: either add some instances of Falchion behaving in ways that justify Rashida's complaints, or change her dislike to something more concrete that we-the-audience can see in the text.

I like both agent's frequent usage of phrases from their homeworlds in their speech and thought. It makes them feel more like denizens of those places, rather than being a sphinx and a metal bird who just talk like Earth humans. I don't know ancient Egyptian mythology well enough to understand all of the references Rashida makes, but it still leaves the impression of her culture on her character, and also gives further evidence of her role as a deity's champion. Falchion's usage of Pokémon descriptors is quite amusing and creative, too. (Although "right off the Zubat" doesn't quite work for me, since that phrase is referring to a baseball bat.)

I also think the mission has some excellent pacing. Despite the jumble of canons present, with each one, you give the reader a chance to absorb it and see it's effect on what was already happening. It made it very easy to follow. The way you divided the mission into acts helps this as well, as it gives mental stop-points for me to digest it in chunks. Considering how long you've indicated the original fic was, (I'm guessing) you're doing a good job of trimming the parts presented in the mission down to just the bare bones needed to show the plot and demonstrate how bad it is. I am looking forward to seeing the remainder of the mission, and the massive disentangling on the horizon.

(Disclaimer: The following comment is because I want to help you improve your mission, not because I'm a demanding or mean beta reader. Please reply with that in mind.)

It's great that you reformatted and shortened it, but you appear to have ignored several of the wording changes I/Storme Hawk/Desdendelle/whoever put in while this was under construction. There are a few stray "we"'s in the third person sections, for example, and the narration still has Ing Disease. And what are you doing posting a mission before it's done anyway?

I'll have to ask you to open Mission 1.1 and 1.2 for comments/suggestions...again. This time, make sure every change from "we" to "they" gets accepted, all right?