Subject: Lightly Seared on the Reality Grill
Author:
Posted on: 2014-09-10 14:09:00 UTC
Or, more clearly: I protest me and a heretical substance such as coffee being in the same sentence, which, to add insult to injury, insinuates I actually drink it!
(Inspired by http://ppc.wikia.com/wiki/PPCLounge/ChatQuotes#PlanningAhead on the Wiki. Just because it was so utterly hilarious.
I do not have Permission, and I apologize for wrangling random Boarders into this. Just tell me if you want me to change you out of this.
I just felt the NEEEED.)
Okay, so let's say that all of us Boarders headed off and went on a Hypothetical Camping Trip. Which is probably a bad idea, because so many things can go wrong.
First, we met at my house and argued for about a week over where we're heading, and how long we were going to stay there. Finally, after much deliberation, we decided to find a Random Co-ordinate Generator, and just press the button until we found a place that wasn't in the middle of the Arctic or in the center of the sea. We found this lovely place right smack bang in the middle of Wisconsin. Ain't it beautiful?
https://goo.gl/maps/x8dZ4/
All right, fine, it is in the direct Middle of Nowhere. But I blame Desdendelle. He was the one who spilt the coffee on the laptop, and therefore made the internet go all wonky. That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.
And then we had to make sure we had enough money to wrangle all of the camping supplies, and food, and etcetera. We most definitely did not steal money from poor defenseless old ladies. How dare you. We’ve been accused of many things over the years, including being annoying, witty, clever, and extremely gorgeous, but us PPC-ers are most definitely not hired thugs. We leave that to the Mini-Balrogs.
Some of the newer recruits were understandably a bit apprehensive about heading off to the Middle of Nowhere with a bunch of near-strangers. This little group of nervousness included June Blue Night and 7.65x54R, who we managed to drag along by waving pie- juicy, steaming pie- under their noses, and shoving them into the back of the van when they got close enough.
Yep! We had a van! A big, shiny van! See?!
<img src="http://images.thecarconnection.com/lrg/2008-dodge-grand-caravan-4-door-wagon-sxt-side-exterior-view100298164l.jpg" alt="http://images.thecarconnection.com/lrg/2008-dodge-grand-caravan-4-door-wagon-sxt-side-exterior-view100298164l.jpg">
Okay, maybe it wasn’t that big. Or shiny. But we stole some tech from Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy and Doctor Who, and soon enough, it was bigger on the inside. At least, big enough to fit a hundred-odd Boarders into it. There was a brief scuffle over who was going to be the one to drive the van from Australia (my house, remember?) over to Wisconsin. Obviously, they’d have to be skilled in the ways of shortcuts. We left the Permission Givers to fight it out at Kings Park while the rest of us took a coffee-and-hot-chocolate break. 
(We’re inside the shop. No cameras allowed, see?)
The bill was pretty big, but we all pitched in, and brought back a few cappuccinos for the PGs. Neshomeh and Huinesoron had reached some sort of compromise, apparently, and were all set to take turns in the van for the long drive over.
And all of us crammed into the back, apart from the people who were driving or had bribed their way up to the front. Snowy the Sane Fangirl, wanting to be different, tied herself to the roof and held on tight. At one point, we drove through a rainstorm. Or the Pacific Ocean, I’m not sure. Either way, Snowy was soaking wet at the other end.
Halfway there, Pretzel pulled out his phone, and tried to take a group shot. We all smiled, and yelled ‘cheese’!...
In retrospect, maybe he should’ve turned the flash on first. It was pretty darn dark in there.
And then, we were there!
It was, er, very leafy. And green. 
But it is America! Home of the brave! And possibly some bears, too, if you’re lucky/unlucky...
We pulled out our tents and items from the smaller-on-the-outside van, and Huinesoron went slightly insane trying to stretch his legs from the ride. To be fair, it was probably extremely cramped in the front, and us lot in the back got tons of exercise trying not to land on each other/punching and generally hurting the people that did land on us. Hieronymus Graubart thought we should set up the tents in a way that made the area look like HQ- completely randomly, that it. And most of us thought that was a great idea. So we did it. And it was utterly awesome.
<img src="http://totallycoolpix.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/27062011glastonbury2011/glastonbury029.jpg" alt="http://totallycoolpix.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/27062011glastonbury2011/glastonbury029.jpg">
Some creative and inventive people (e.g. JulyFlame and Ekyl) finished setting up rather quickly, and went around making a map of our illogical campsite. I think they did it, I’m not sure. It’s hard to keep track of as many people as there were. I think this was the biggest Gathering (it’s a Gathering, right?) that we’ve ever had.
And then someone suggested looking for Cute Animal Friends.
<img src="http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2012/06/20/article-0-13B26F60000005DC-22964x771.jpg" alt="http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2012/06/20/article-0-13B26F60000005DC-22964x771.jpg">
Ack! Iximaz found a Cute Bear Cub in the woods, and we were all fully prepared to exterminate it with our Pointy Sticks. But I then pointed out that this is the Real World, and CAFs don’t exist in the Real World. So The Irish Samurai adopted it, and took it to his tent. (He said he was going to train it up as his guard bear. We all trembled in fear.)
And then it was night. And night is dark, as we all know. So we all settled down in our tents and sleeping bags (apart from James Shields, who pretended to be a werewolf, but we all sat on him) and went to sleep.
<img src="http://astrobob.areavoices.com/astrobob/images/LaurieVietsmoonrise12910.jpg" alt="http://astrobob.areavoices.com/astrobob/images/LaurieVietsmoonrise12910.jpg">
WAIT. WHAT WAS THAT SCRATCHING NOISE AROUND THE OUTSIDE OF THE TENT PERIMETER?
Suddenly, everyone woke up (except for me and a few others, we buried our heads in the pillows and tried to block them up) and chaos reigned. A couple of people thought it was the Mary Sues or the Enforcers of the Plot Continuum, which was ridiculous.
So, the next morning, when Thantosiet cooked pancakes, everyone was asleep. Except for us clever ones, who got all the pancakes we wanted. Yay!
<img src="http://imworld.aufeminin.com/manage/bloc/D20110307/american-pancakes-1-123448L.jpg" alt="http://imworld.aufeminin.com/manage/bloc/D20110307/american-pancakes-1-123448_L.jpg">
Then people began to wake up. And then we spent the whole day playing awesomely improbable sports. Some people attached a few large tents together so we could play Australian Indoor-Rules Quidditch, which I opted out of. Instead, I started a game of Calvinball, which will always be my favorite. Someone taught us all a verbal game called ‘Kamoulox’, which is awesome, and can be described as Verbal Calvinball.
The elves amongst us re-enacted the Ring Quest in full, complete with a little wooden ring and the fire pit that wasn’t exactly a volcano. But it worked.
And then, marshmallows! On a stick! Over the fire! Wow!
I get the feeling that Ailavyn Siniyash was feeling pretty smug about bringing them along, since we were worshipping at her feet. And I’m pretty sure that someone crafted an altar too. Only the second day, and we were all going insane. Well, half of us were already insane, so... I guess it didn’t make much of a difference.
The next day, we played Hide-and-Seek inside the crazy maze of tents that JulyFlame and Ekyl had spent so much time mapping up. I think by the end of the game no one really remembered who was It in the first place. And DoctorLit got lost. We didn’t see him for a while.
Anonymouse became Queen of the Llamas somehow on the fourth day. I didn’t even think Wisconsin had llamas. It was that crazy.
Miah, meanwhile, had been constructing the most massive treehouse at the forest edge. He had assembled a group of shiny newbies to be his construction team, and we only noticed once he started expanding the treehouse to be just over our heads. Not to worry, it was quite stable (us PPCers do have a few tricks up our sleeves) but, you know, just the feeling that it was over our heads was slightly creepy. You know?
Seriously, that was only a tiny little part of it. It had gotten to the point where some of us were calling it New New Hogwarts. About half of the gathered congregation migrated up there, leaving the other half (including me) on the ground.
Not to be outdone, this happened.
PoorCynic had gotten the idea from a magazine. And yes, there were a few screaming Boarders tumbling out of trees during the night, but mostly all was calm.
The next few days passed in a tumble of joking, impromptu recreations of books/movies/episodes of the TV show of your choice, and fun. Numerous things happened that I’m mostly too lazy to talk about. You may fill in the blanks as you wish.
On the eighth (and final full) day, all of us put aside our rivalries and problems and gathered on the ground underneath New New Hogwarts for a game of Sues Versus Agents. By unanimous voting, Outhra and Huinesoron were the leaders. We tossed a few coins for who was going to be the Sue team, and who were going to be the Agents. There was the pre-toss, the pre-pre-toss, the after-pre-toss, the toss of the just plain confused, and then we decided to compromise and say that Outhra’s team could be the Agents first. And then we could swap.
I’m not entirely sure what the rules of the game were. It was mostly just madness mixed with the paintball guns EatPrayLove had managed the smuggle in. Also, some of the more creative Boarders improvised weapons. Bows. Sticks. Catapults. You get the message.
And suddenly. The forest was quiet.
And then! BOOM! The Agents dropped out of the trees and onto the Sues, who fought valiantly, but we managed to subdue them.
One final meal, which was basically a smorgasbord that was cooked up by the more resourceful of us. It was delicious. There are no words to describe it, so I’ll put a picture instead.
Then we loaded everything into our awesome van, and headed home. Neshomeh took the wheel for the whole trip, and Snowy opted to stay inside this time.
I jumped out quickly before we left just to take a last picture. But they left me behind. And now... I have to walk home. I’m writing this in the hotel that I’m currently staying in.
I’m going to kill them when I see them next.
(It's funny because IRL, I'm the least likely person to smuggle paintball guns into a camping trip. Or go camping at all, really...)
My favorite part was helping male!Miah and his newbie sort-of-army build the best treehouse ever. I've always wanted one of those things! (Well, OK, not always. More like since I first built a treehouse in Minecraft.) The Ring Quest reenactment was cool, too.
So yeah, I had fun even though I spectacularly failed at landing on my target in Sues vs. Agents and have the bruises to show it.
Llamas are cool.
Is no one else going to comment on the bioluminescent fish? 'Cause I'm pretty sure that kind of fish aren't supposed to do that.
Yes, it was quite memorable when I first arrived to see Huinesoron attempting to set up that artificial tree, which didn't work the first time, I might add. Sleeping pinned between Outhra and... I think it was Anonymouse? was... memorable, to say the very least. And I'm just putting out what we're all thinking: Who's the snorer? 'Fess up, we just want to know who to banish to the bathroom floor next time.
Also - who brought the tent from the Harry Potter continuum? I'd commend you on your foresight, but I'm too busy feeling how wonderful it is to sleep in a bed again and being jealous.
Okay, so I missed the pancakes, and I'm a bit mad about that, but the bacon somebody brought was brilliant!
You should have jumped on top of the van before it could drive away! That's such an exhilarating ride.
Yeah...sorry about the snoring. I mean, if it's any consolation, I woke myself up with it, too.
Though apparently it was the gender-swapped version of me that went, which explains why I was off working at my new job. Man, Male!Pretzel gets to have all the fun...
Male!Miah is an amazing architect. Seriously how cool was that tree house?
I do have to apologize for his behavior toward the people left on the ground though. Trebucheting cows at them and taunting them in a badly faked French accent was just completely uncalled for.
I couldn't leave him to you lot and your Pointy Sticks.
And thus began the great adventures of the Irish Samurai and Foo Foo Cuddlypoops the Second. It was with a heavy heart that I released him back in to the wild at the end of the trip - sadly, I just couldn't persuade my landlord that keeping a guard bear was a good idea.
And I still don't know why you guys were trembling in fear so much. Foo Foo Cuddlypoops the Second was a gentle soul, and was basically just a big ball of cuteness and fluffiness. If only I'd been able to convince enough people for a quick Arctic expedition, to get some of that panserbjørne armour... then he'd have been tremble-worthy.
It's probably a good thing they didn't hear about the iceberg. Or the bears. Or the part where I got knocked over by one of the moose.
Glad you guys liked the pancakes! Sorry I didn't get started later so everyone could get them, but camping means I wake up early, and I ran out of books to keep me quietly occupied. I really should have packed more, but I didn't have the dimensional manipulation stuff yet and books get heavy fast.
Also, sorry for laughing at the van back when we got it; our 15-passenger green monster vehicle has skewed my perceptions of what constitutes a van.
I repeat, how dare you imply that pretending to be a werewolf was the craziest thing I did in the trip. Have some respect for my PPC-induced insanity dammit!
You clearly forgot to meant the part of the third day where I, as the craziness of the situation began to get to me , mistook the forest in In Middle Of Nowhere for another, located, well, god only knows how many kilometers away from this one. Convinced I had an adequate point of reference, I mislead us all on a trail to what I thought was the Chest Mountain.
As if we were not already doomed to strandle in a completely unknown territory, those of us that lead the group (Me, Thantosiet, Desdendelle, SkarmorySilver, Seychelles, Cyba Zero and firemagic) split off some far way that we could not even hear the rest of you guys anymore.
As part of my trance, I then began to gather various tree branches and insects that I did not have lucidity enough to realize were clearly poisonous.
I cannot impart anymore details, since as a result of this severe intoxication I was out of commission for the rest of the trip. In fact, the veracity of these statements can be seriously doubted.
And again I repeat, how dare you leave me alone in this Glaurung forsaken forest!
I nearly got stranded in the forest after dwelling on my own writing a bit too long. I spent most of the trip drawing fantasy creatures in my sketchbook, so I didn't get to do anything truly crazy like the rest of the group.
It took me quite a while to regroup with everyone else, so I missed out on most of the weird stuff. I did, however, narrowly avoid a spot of peer pressure after Anonymouse teased me for acting like a giant bird of some sort. I don't exactly remember which one of you guys dared me to try to fly by jumping off a cliff, but it's lucky I refused - my dignity would've been far from the only thing that would've been broken!
And I never left the camp, did I?
I am remembering now. What I told in the previous report were just twisted memories from my also horrible college camp trip (poisonous plants and insects non-withstanding) .
Seems that trance ran deeper than I thought. I blame it on Des' Stygian Tea. That stuff does more than try to bite you and have horrible taste, I swear! I should just have spat the thing out like any sensible person would.
Can tell me what I actually did for the whole trip? The memories get really fuzzy...
Or, more clearly: I protest me and a heretical substance such as coffee being in the same sentence, which, to add insult to injury, insinuates I actually drink it!
As you know, my camera died a "mysterious" death (yes, I'm looking at you, Phobos) while we were trying to drag the Irish Samurai's pet away from the supply tent, so I won't be doing my own full writeup, but I thought I'd throw up my thoughts.
Actually getting to KittyEden's house on such short notice was something of a challenge; our flight was routed through Gaza, Burma Myanmar, and Amundsen-Scott Base, so it was, uh, something of a wild ride. The UK contingent were among the first to arrive, which meant I was the one who had to sort out the increasingly complex sleeping rota during the setup period. Including sofas, sleeping bags, camp beds, and the artificial treehouse (that's 'house in artificial tree'), we had about ten spaces available for a hundred people, and that assumes we could find three people willing to share the waterbed. It was halfway between 'entertaining exercise in logistics' and 'sleepless hell on Earth'. Thanks go to Seychelles for helping with the spreadsheet-wrangling - I couldn't've done it without you.
You've covered our morally-dubious fundraising efforts planning and such, so I won't bother to cover it again. I will say that it was a bit rotten of you lot not to bring me some hot chocolate when you wandered off; I know I drank it, but I can't stand coffee.
I guess you were asleep during the most exciting part of the drive over - the breakdown! Pretzel was snapping away desperately with his camera, but you've already shown how well that worked. Still, the sight of Snowy the Sane Fangirl fending off colossal squid while Sergio Turbo worked on the engine isn't one I'm going to forget soon. The bioluminescent fish really set off the scene well, I thought.
And yes, for the observant among you, that was when I let Nesh take over most of the driving. I'll say yet again that I'm convinced I didn't hit that rock - it fell under after we'd already stopped. Honest.
I know I was quite vocal in my objections to the 'Campsite Beyond The Goblin City', but I'm not afraid to admit, the final result had a certain flair. I could've wished for better neighbours (I will say no more; you know who you are), but overall it captured the spirit of the PPC, and of PPC Gatherings, very well.
I'm quite disgruntled about your pancake-thieving ways - couldn't you have waited until the rest of us were up? Just because you weren't kept awake half the night by the Boarder Snatcher of Wisconsin, doesn't mean you should lord it over the rest of us. You don't know what we saw, out in the mists! (Actually there technically weren't mists, but it works better this way) And frankly, given your shameful attitude towards pancakes, I'm not going to tell you.
The Ring Quest was great fun, of course. Thanks to firemagic for letting me use her sleeping bag as Gandalf's cloak - sorry I made such a mess of it! To be fair, I hadn't really expected Iximaz to be actually on fire as the balrog - though I was impressed! And to my 'Eagles of the Misty Mountains', SkarmorySilver and Storme Hawk - you were great. I loved the sound effects in particular. And, um, sorry for clonking you round the head with my staff; you know how it is.
Hide and Seek! See, I was convinced PoorCynic was It, but then Pretzel was running around finding people, and Phobos was up that tree playing lookout... was it actually just 'everyone whose name begins with P'? Except then what was VixenMage doing in the- well, anyway, it was fun, if inconclusive.
Oh, stars, New New Hogwarts. Kaitlyn and I took over what we decided was the Astronomy Tower - because it didn't have a roof, and was high enough that we could see past the treetops. Lovely view, if a bit cold - I spent about an hour trying to pitch our tent on the wooden floor before giving up and stealing borrowing a bunch of blankets. I've, uh, still got a couple of them, actually, so if you're missing a Fourth Doctor's Scarf blanket, let me know and I'll get it back to you.
It's a shame you skipped over the latter part of the Gathering. I think the highlight was probably Battletent Galactica vs. Startent Enterprise vs. the Imperial Tent Destroyer (and Desdendelle's Captain Kirk was spot on). Or maybe the Great Magical Showdown? Your use of toy rockets as lightning bolts was ingenious, and as for the Cassie's 'burning' pinecones - well, what more need be said?
I have a complaint about Sues Versus Agents, and no, it's not still about the fact that Outhra totally cheated in the pre-post-toss. It's the fact that we never did swap sides. I mean, my Suvian Army was all well and good (thanks to Dann for improvising that pink dye!), but eatpraylove's 'only agents can have guns, because Suvians wouldn't know what to do with them' was a little too convenient. It would've been great fun to stalk around in black for a while. I demand a rematch!
Good shot of the feast - though I notice you didn't get there until Ailavyn had already made off with the sausage rolls. Shame - they were really good, too. Still, I suppose she made up for it in advance with those marshmallows.
Nice word-choice - yes, Nesh took the wheel; she didn't let me drive at all. You weren't there when she managed to run us down a thousand feet of mountainside due to not having slept since I don't know when; it was a wild ride, let me tell you! And then there was Sergio and Dann's 'Chitty Chitty Bang Bang Button'... sorry, guys, I know we said we're not going to talk about it, but really? I can't believe you thought that would work.
Basically, it was great fun - but not exactly relaxing! I think we need to wait a few years before we do it all again... and next time, let's avoid the ocean routes, okay?
hS
This camping trip was exactly what I needed to be able to unwind from the stress that is high school.
And thank you very much for the compliment- I'd been practicing my part of the balrog for several weeks before this trip! ;)I'm glad it had the desired effect.
I notice that you've conveniently glossed over the disastrous crossing of California. It was pretty clear someone had to take over after the hundredth time you forgot where you were and ended up almost killing us all by driving in the wrong lane—and don't try to blame it on the earthquakes again; no one is buying it. Not to mention all the side-excursions to look for ancient ruins. That rock wouldn't have "fallen under the car" if we'd been on the road. And seriously, I know you're good at organizing data, but trying to take us all through a McDonald's drive-through that one time "for the American experience" was just ludicrous.
I stand behind the Chitty Chitty Bang Bang Button, by the way. Our van was bigger on the inside. Who's to say what other cool tricks it might have? Just because we didn't find the button before we got to the bottom doesn't mean it's not there. Plus, Sergio did spend all that time fixing the engine. If anybody knew what the thing was capable of, it should've been him.
I'm with you about being forced to drink coffee, though, and cappuccino at that. I can't help but think the initial leg of the voyage would have gone much better if we hadn't both been all jittery on caffeine and sugar.
~Neshomeh
Incidentally, I don't stand behind Sergio's somewhat rushed and water-soaked job on the engine either, but that's mostly unrelated.
I'd like to make it known that I loved the ancient ruins. They were awesome. I still think if we'd kept going south we'd have found El Dorado. And I don't mean the Colorado city, either!
I do stand by you on the technical aspects of Huinesoron's driving, though. We drive on the right side of the road here! Surely it's not quite that alien? Also, can't speak for any other continents, but rocks do not fall out of the sky over here.
Oh, you were both jittery on caffeine and sugar? That explains so much.
I had to drop a new one in it! Don't ask me how I did it with just a screwdriver, a tyre iron and a swiss knife (I actually have no idea myself), but there was no other way to keep that thing you all call a van moving.
However, considering what Nesh did with it, maybe the Pratt&Witney PT6C turboshaft engine wasn't that great of an idea. But I needed a lot of torque to make it able to carry one hundred people and relative camping stuff around, so an helicopter engine sounded a good idea at the time...
And really, Huinesoron, you should've just asked what the Chitty Chitty Bang Bang Button was for before pressing it.
We wouldn't have ended up on that iceberg if you did.
Also, now I am desperately searching for those big marshmallows - they were really good, but those for roasted marshmallows aren't that easy to find here...
There I was, feeling all smug about having a cool idea for once (and mind you, I spent all of lunch typing that out) and you come along and IMPROVE IT A THOUSAND TIMES. Gr.
To be honest, I'm suprised that you forgot that little incident on the fifth day where The Irish Samurai's cute-but-extremely-utterly-dangerous pet bear cub was set upon the wild animals surrounding the camp. The scratching noise we heard during the first night was actually a bunch of moose (meese? Mice? Not sure.). And, although a moose may be fun to ride, and is remarkably good for my pancake addiction, a herd of them stampeding through camp, chased by an angry bear cub, isn't good for anyone's health or safety. I believe I took up temporary residence in Ravenclaw Tower that day.
(By the way, hR, that is my ScarfBlanket, and I would like it back for my weekly Doctor Who marathon.)
(And you lot have not droped by yet to take down the treehouse that had mysteriously sprouted in my back yard. I know you were behind it. Clean it up, please.)
Also, the moose is mine. Or at least, it lives in my backyard. I thought everyone knew that.
...someone did give it pancakes, right? I know it brought along several bottles of maple syrup...couldn't stop talking about how much it was looking forward to the camping trip.
(I can't say where the other moose came from. I only brought the one. Perhaps the others were family members...the US clan...hm.)
~DF
Because I found urple and bleen in real life and just had to share the horror.
I just right-click on the picture and select "Copy Link Location." Then, inside the post box on the Board here, I right-click and hit "Paste." The Board seems to make the picture show up automatically after the message is posted. (You should still preview the message first, just to make sure.)
That is really all that needs be said.
-Aila
(With a really dark sunburn? >_> )