This was originally posted on my blog, but I wanted to share.
Have you ever done this in public? Like, just for fun?
So, my brother and I go down to the park quite frequently. It’s a nice little place; a big football oval with a playground, cricket nets, a clubhouse, and a big parking lot that kinda ruins the imagery. Usually there’s a lot of people around there, which makes it the perfect place to heckle people. Fandom style.
This includes stories from Harry Potter, Skulduggery Pleasant, Fairy Tail, Doctor Who, and Calvin and Hobbes: the Series. Enjoy.
Harry Potter Style
The girl on the swing stopped abruptly, staring at the girl and the younger boy who had just stalked past, carrying sticks.
“You said the Horcrux was around here somewhere, Ron!” the girl with the stick scowled.
The boy pouted. He had a ginger wig on. “Bloody hell, Hermione, I know. There’s no need to heckle me. Wait.” He shook his stick in the air. “Findinamus thingajigamus!”
‘Hermione’ used a laser pointer to project a red dot onto the wall. “There it is, Ron! Come on, let’s go find Harry!’
“Apparate!” ‘Ron’ cheered. They both made crack noises simultaneously, and ran out of sight. A short few seconds later, the girl ran back in, and pointed her stick at the other girl who had by now stopped swinging, and was now just staring.
“Obliviate!” she snapped, and stalked off. “Bloody muggles…”
Skulduggery Pleasant Style
“Hi.” A girl with long dark hair and a business suit strolled up to the two sisters that were playing in the sandbox. “Did you happen to see anything large, black, and hairy dashing past here, making howling noises?”
The sisters exchanged glances. “…no,” the older one said.
The girl in the suit sighed dramatically. “Well, if you see one, just let me know.” She turned, and made to leave.
“Wait,” the younger girl stopped her. “Why are you carrying a stick?”
The girl in the suit glanced down. She was indeed carrying a long stick. “It was my birthday present.”
“Your birthday present?!“
“Yeah. My…uh, friend, he gave me a stick for my birthday. And I just laughed because I thought it was a joke. But he didn’t laugh, and now I have a stick. It doesn’t even do much, and it wasn’t even my birthday.”
“Ohhh….kay.”
“Just yell for us if you see anything hairy and big, ‘kay?” the girl smiled, and walked off around the corner.
“Wait,” the older girl called. “What’s your name?”
“Valkyrie Cain,” came the response.
Fairy Tail Style
“Run, Natsu, run!” yelled the girl, dashing across the field, and interrupting the football game, in progress. “Phantom Lord is coming.”
“Got it, Luce,” nodded the boy with spiky salmon-pink hair. He turned to the imaginary foe behind him. “KARYU NO HOKO!”
Nothing happened, but he appeared satisfied, and followed his friend past the footballers, who were frozen in surprise. The girl flicked her blonde wig over her shoulder and marched up to the kiosk. “Excuse me, I’m Lucy Heartfilla, and I’m here on behalf of the International Guilds of Fiore, Fairy Tail division. This is my partner, Natsu Dragneel, and we need to tell you all to evacuate immediately.”
Everyone stared at ‘Lucy’, who couldn’t have been more than 13 years old.
“Get outta here, kid,” the man at the kiosk said eventually.
“You’ll be sorry for this!” yelled the boy, shaking his fist.
Doctor Who Style
Rustling came from the bushes to the left of the cricket net.
“Just need to sonic it,” said a decidedly British accent, with a touch of Scottish.
More shuffling.
“Oi! Watch it, Spaceman!” came an American voice.
“Donna, move to the side. I can’t reach the node.”
The six year old who had been listening to this reached curiously over to peek behind the branches.
“ACK!” yelled a boy with a brown trench coat and a pin-striped suit. “The Sontarans have got us!”
“You’re overreacting, Martain Boy,” snorted a girl with a ginger wig on. “That’s no alien, unless the Sontarans have found out a way to get toddlers to work for them.”
The boy in the coat scratched his head. “Well, I wouldn’t put it past them.”
“See, watch this.” The girl bent down to talk to the toddler. “You aren’t a deadly infestation from the planet Sontar, are you?”
The toddler shook his head.
“See?”
Calvin and Hobbes: the Series Style
“Sherman, have you got the Time Machine working yet?” the girl spoke into the phone. She listened for a moment. “No, this is Kitty, not Socrates pranking you again. I’m pretty sure Calvin’s trapped Socrates in the basement so he can’t mess this up. And Hobbes is right here.” She patted a stuffed tiger that was sitting next to her. “He wants to talk to you.”
She held the phone up to the tigers mouth for a minute, before switching back. “Anything Andy needs to tell me?”
She then noticed the whole of the park staring at her. “What’re you all looking at?”
Doctor Who Style, Take Two
“Professor!” shrieked the girl from the last five-or-so stories, dashing behind a tree.
“Hold on, Ace!” a tiny person reached out his umbrella and hooked her around the middle, dragging her to ‘safety’. “I think we could use some explosives.”
The girl grinned and patted her rucksack. “The explosives I’m not supposed to officially have?”
“Well, I won’t look.”
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Share your own stories, people!
~Kitty