Re: So...

An apology by zdimensia on 2014-08-20 22:01:00 UTC Reply

First off, I'm sorry that I did not know how to make a proper apology. Someone actually brought this to my attention. I also needed to be walked through the process step-by-step, and I'm sorry that I had to have help. I'm sorry for needing it brought to my attention when I do need to make an apology. I'm not sure how to fix this, but I will try. I'm sorry for not realizing that sometimes an apology is needed for things that are not deliberate, and that I shouldn't argue lack of insult when someone says they feel offended.

I'm sorry for failing so much at being coherent and for accidentally looking like a troll. I'm not sure how to fix this because I already do re-read the post before hitting send. I'm sorry for having such odd logic. I'm also sorry about the way some of my posts sound. In my mind, being indirect is the polite way. Someone had to sit down and explain that it was the opposite. I'll try to find a way to practice the proper way. I'm sorry for reacting negatively when I perceive someone jumping down my throat about a problem I don't see.

I'm sorry for not being able to make it clear when I actually do listen. I finally get it that when I can't find information by researching, it means that no one knows. I don't always need someone else to tell me the answer. I'm sorry for misinterpreting people's annoyance about the amount of questions as aggression about why I was asking them. When I don't listen, I am just acting on frustration when I feel that no one is listening to me. I'm sorry for treating others the way I perceive them treating me, and for lashing out when I get frustrated. I've also learned that not pointing out the cause of frustrations is not good. I'm sorry for being wrong about that. I know now that I should point out when someone is not listening or understanding me. I try to feel respect for other people even as I perceive a lack of respect in return, and I'm really sorry that I can't manage to do that one hundred percent of the time.

I'm sorry I got frustrated with the permission requests. I've said many times that the process was confusing, but never directly asked for the information to be made clearer. I'm also sorry about getting over-eager about writing. I am also sorry for the backwards process I needed to take, where I couldn't write a good request without first writing them into stories. The side-by-side comparison shows that it is the case.

I'm sorry for writing without permission. I assure you that my intent was that they would not be shown to outsiders until I got permission. I cannot promise to stop writing them, but they will stay hidden on the hard-drive, and I can stop talking about the stories. I felt that I had to admit it because being circuitous about it when asking questions didn't really get an answer. I'm sorry for being so blatant after people knew.

I'm sorry about putting in a fresh permission request. One point that I feel no one is listening to me about is that it is frustrating to not write stories when I think about them, and that if I did hold them inside it would clog my entire creative capability. Since everyone is so angry about me writing anyway, I felt that I should give an opportunity to take away that source of friction. I hope that shutting up about writing will be enough.

I really wish that some things had been brought to my attention sooner, and that the things that were frustrating me were addressed. I want to work hard to put these problems in the past.

Let's make this official by Phobos on 2014-08-22 15:57:00 UTC Reply

The Board-at-large has voted and of the 27 respondents, 14 (52%) believe that a 12 month ban is appropriate. The rest of the votes are split evenly above and below the 12 month mark.

zdimensia, please leave the community and all of its spaces (IRC, Wiki, Board, etc) and do not return until August 22, 2015 at the earliest. Please, use this time to reflect and, when you return, I sincerely hope that you can reintegrate with the community in a productive and beneficial way.

-Phobos
Community Input request by Phobos on 2014-08-21 13:16:00 UTC Reply

Ok, everyone. The consensus is that a ban is warranted, now we just need to know how long. Please vote using the following survey.

Survey

Thank you for your time.

-Phobos
Urk. by Desdendelle on 2014-08-21 07:31:00 UTC Reply

I won't say lots because Tira said it better, but, to paraphrase Jango Fett, someone here isn't taking a hint, and I think the ban needs to be put in place.
So... by VixenMage on 2014-08-21 06:09:00 UTC Reply

Not going to apologize for the racism? Because that's sort of like... huge.

Re: So... by zdimensia on 2014-08-21 20:52:00 UTC Reply

I was already in the mode of not speaking about it anymore, but you're right.

I'm sorry that I let something irrational get a hold of me, something that I wasn't understand, and then I let the both the them-hatred resulting self-hatred get bad enough to manifest as something truly ugly. After having a calm conversation about it, I realize that this problem has an unexpected shape. It will take longer than a day to self-reflect and address most of specifics, and I'm sorry that I cannot list every facet of my crime right away. There is a lot of thoughts and attitudes that I need to get rid of, and I'll find help if I can't do it on my own.

There is one thing that I've learned is wrong and I need to stop right now. It's called cultural appropriation. I'm sorry I felt that it was okay for a character to have traits without the context.

I'm sorry for using unfortunate shorthand about Nazi attitudes. My understanding of the issues is oversimplified, and I need to work on that as well.

Re: An apology by Tira on 2014-08-21 04:29:00 UTC Reply

This is a very passive-aggressive 'apology.' Stop apologizing for things that aren't really a problem (" I'm sorry for treating others the way I perceive them treating me") and try apologizing for the things that people are actually upset about ("I'm sorry for being rude and offensive"). Also, please stop trying to blame other people for this situation ("I really wish that some things had been brought to my attention sooner, and that the things that were frustrating me were addressed"). Everyone has made their grievances with you quite clear.

One point that I feel no one is listening to me about is that it is frustrating to not write stories when I think about them, and that if I did hold them inside it would clog my entire creative capability.
In my opinion, this statement is inaccurate. I'm not speaking for anyone else here, but I have heard you say this before. I just haven't concerned myself with it. The PPC does not exist solely to facilitate you. If not being able to write PPC missions is clogging your creativity somehow, then that's your problem, not ours. We don't have to bend over backwards and violate our own rules in order to satisfy one person.
Please stop. by JulyFlame on 2014-08-20 22:59:00 UTC Reply

At this point it's far too late. You did not need another thread to apologize in.

You're still also coming to the wrong conclusions- everything you've asked has answers that are findable. It doesn't mean we don't know.

Please stop and take your lumps.