Subject: Have some concrit.
Author:
Posted on: 2016-06-18 13:09:00 UTC
To wit:
The good
-No SPaG errors that I could see
-The story flows fine
The bad
-"Console" or "console" — pick one and stick to it.
-Most Orcs are sentient, just... not very smart (and of course there are exceptions).
-The piece is still very much cut off.
-You haven't updated the Wiki.
The ugly
Just something that was left over from fighting with the prompts.
https://drive.google.com/open?id=1s09kSmujP-kmJdp_rLmxNWhWt0CipH-E3fvbHeAvOuk
Please?
I have executive functioning problems, and editing the wiki is overwhelming.
Could someone start a page for Kelly Stone, please? She's my main. I might be able to tweak the page once it is up.
Also, I'm scared to update the wiki main page with my story. I'm not sure if it should be actual canon to them, though, considering that it's not good.
I've read a whole lot worse written in the name of the PPC. Don't worry. You're fine.
--Key
I created a page for Kelly Stone following this advice and using information from the profile in your permission request.
To be able to tweak it, you may need to create a wiki account. I didn't find User:Bramandin, but you may go by another name on Wikia?
You may also want to check what I did for your agents on the glossary; apparently putting them up there is the first step to do.
Why do you say that this interlude isn't good? I admit that I expected it to go somewhere and was a bit surprised when it just ended, but although it misses a climax or punchline, it's a nice slice of life showing what your agents are doing when they're not on a mission. I'd say it's a good start.
HG
It looks good. I'll go in and tweak it as needed once Kelly is a more solid character.
I don't think the interlude was good because it had no plot. That's why I have no idea where to end it, I hope. I'm up for ideas, though it may be that I use the idea to go in a different direction.
To wit:
The good
-No SPaG errors that I could see
-The story flows fine
The bad
-"Console" or "console" — pick one and stick to it.
-Most Orcs are sentient, just... not very smart (and of course there are exceptions).
-The piece is still very much cut off.
-You haven't updated the Wiki.
The ugly
Kelly did say that they were random mooks, which I thought meant that they weren't sentient. Of course there are orc agents that have to worry about cannibalism.
I fixed the console.
I find memes are triggering.
How would you suggest I put in more personality, assuming the problem wasn't strictly trying to use a prompt?
Well, in order:
1) Mooks can be sentient or non-sentient; Dynasty Warriors are an example of the former while your average skeleton is clearly just a bag of bones. "Mooks", as TvTropes helpfully says, is "a slang term for the hordes of standard-issue, disposable bad guys whom The Hero mows down with impunity".
2) Good. Consistency is important.
3) O...K?
4) I said something about personality? *confused*
5) Also, forgot this earlier: you need to credit the piece's beta(s).
What did you mean with the meme about personality, then?
I'll think about removing the orc curry if I do anything more to the piece.
I posted a meme about... personality? Where? My first post was formatted as a shout-out to a famous movie, but neither this movie nor anything else I've said is a meme, nor did I mention personality. What are you talking about?
I have a The Lion Witch and the Wardrobe done in the style of deadwood. It's pretty short, but it scares me because I typed it out in an afternoon.
