Wow. - PPC Posting Board

Subject: Wow.
Author: VixenMage
Posted on: 2013-01-08 04:29:00 UTC

That was a very impressive sample, Duo! I don't know the canon, so I'll have to give you the "unless-someone-who-knows-it-contradicts-this" clause. But just reading it at a surface level, your syntax is good, your hold on the English language is very good - your style flows well. The only thing that threw me off was the present tense - it was a little distracting form the narrative, at times. But otherwise, it was quite good. I like your agents as well - it'll be interesting to see Johnny, who reacts strangely to alien-ish life forms, deal with not only the PPC, but an Equestrian partner (I assume they're going to be partners?).

Anyway, in case this is too ambiguous thus far, permission granted!

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Permission Request by Duothimir on 2013-01-07 23:54:00 UTC Reply

Well, I may not have been on the board much, but I've been on the chat whenever possible. Aside from that, I've been a member here since 2011, so I think it's about time I try to write a few missions.

The sample.

The agents.

The badfic.

There we go, hope it's all up to snuff. If it's not, well, we can always try to fix it.

Wow. by ShatteredSanity on 2013-01-08 14:24:00 UTC Reply

Dang. That sample... I really liked the whiplash between super-serious-dark world, and the PPC.

Is that an original world?

Re: Wow. by Duothimir on 2013-01-08 20:16:00 UTC Reply

Thanks, but no, it's the Tekkaman Blade universe, specifically taking place during the Black September of Prague event that serves as a significant part of the backstory of several major characters, including the main villain, of Tekkaman Blade II. This is approximately six years after the first series, and four before the second.

Yay! by Ellipsis Flood on 2013-01-08 13:16:00 UTC Reply

I really liked the sample, what with describing the 'verse's story like that, and getting that tone down.

You deserve permission.

*pours out a cage of conga rats in the thread*
Wow. by VixenMage on 2013-01-08 04:29:00 UTC Reply

That was a very impressive sample, Duo! I don't know the canon, so I'll have to give you the "unless-someone-who-knows-it-contradicts-this" clause. But just reading it at a surface level, your syntax is good, your hold on the English language is very good - your style flows well. The only thing that threw me off was the present tense - it was a little distracting form the narrative, at times. But otherwise, it was quite good. I like your agents as well - it'll be interesting to see Johnny, who reacts strangely to alien-ish life forms, deal with not only the PPC, but an Equestrian partner (I assume they're going to be partners?).

Anyway, in case this is too ambiguous thus far, permission granted!

Sorry about the present tense. by Duothimir on 2013-01-08 04:58:00 UTC Reply

The RP I made Burning Heart for uses it, so I'm kind of used to writing in it.

No worries! by VixenMage on 2013-01-08 06:00:00 UTC Reply

It wasn't wrong, necessarily - just threw me off a bit.

Not a Permission Giver... by KittyNoodles on 2013-01-08 00:32:00 UTC Reply

But I like your agents and your Permission piece. Good luck, Duo!
I do feel the need to ask... by SpecstacularSC on 2013-01-08 00:10:00 UTC Reply

How long since 2011 are we talking here?

(FYI, not a permission giver. Just asking because it's better to have full detail coverage, especially for permission.)

Re: I do feel the need to ask... by Duothimir on 2013-01-08 00:22:00 UTC Reply

September 25th, 2011, I made my first post on the board.

I dun goofed. by SpecstacularSC on 2013-01-08 00:25:00 UTC Reply

Okay.

And, now that I think on it, it's 2013 now, huh?

Wow, I am so stuck in last year. Damn 2012 doomsday conspiracy theorists...

Yay by firemagic on 2013-01-08 00:09:00 UTC Reply

I don't know much about the continuum, so I can't really help there. Your agents seem good, though I'm kinda confused by Burning Heart. The fact that, as an adult, he's a blank flank seems weird - most adults do have them. You'd think that, by the time he leaves home, he'd have found something he's good at and realized it. Plus, the whole cutie mark thing is a big part of Equestrian society - an adult without one, even a young one, would be seen of as weird, and he'd likely have some self-confidence issues about it.

On blank-flanks... by KittyNoodles on 2013-01-08 00:29:00 UTC Reply

The cutie mark shows up when the pony who's earned it figures out their destiny - what they're best at and love to do the most. It's possible that an adult hasn't found his or her destiny yet; it's just never been done in the show.

As far as self-confidence, though, you're right, such a pony would probably be at least a little bit shy about the fact that they're a blank flank. On the flip side, since it's an adult with no cutie mark, he or she could also have grown used to blank flank comments by now and possess the maturity to handle the predicament more easily than, say, Applebloom does.

Just some thoughts.

Still by firemagic on 2013-01-08 00:48:00 UTC Reply

Something like that should be a focus of the profile, not stuck in at the end.

Maybe not the focus... by KittyNoodles on 2013-01-08 07:55:00 UTC Reply

But you're right, that is fairly important. Definitely not a tagalong kind of thing - but it looks alright now, Duo. :D
Re: Still by Duothimir on 2013-01-08 00:54:00 UTC Reply

I would think the most important thing would be condensing his entire personality and history into a few sentences, not devoting most of it to one aspect.

See, but we weren't saying that. by SpecstacularSC on 2013-01-08 01:01:00 UTC Reply

What firemagic is getting at is that it's good to point out and specify certain details like that, while still keeping to the point of your profile.

Like: SC wears glasses because he can shoot lasers out of his eyes, due to an incident involving comic book-style toxic waste. He also wears glasses due to somewhat poor vision.

(The toxic waste thing is total bull, but I'm sure I could work it into SC's personality somewhere.)

The main idea is that SC wears glasses. The detail was he shoots lasers from his eyes, which I explained (bullsh*t my way through). I then returned to my main point.

You don't have to make it an essay, just give a reasonable explanation that you can build on later.
Hm... by firemagic on 2013-01-08 00:58:00 UTC Reply

Well, yes, the entire thing shouldn't be all about his blank flank, but that's not what I was saying. Right now, his cutie mark or lack thereof is the last sentence of the profile, and that's all it is. Something like a cutie mark is an important part of a FiM character's identity, and while a standard one like Kindheart's (the heart-and-cross) is normal for her profession and doesn't need explanation, a blank flank IS weird by the standards of this world. So it would make his character weird in ways that need to be examined more. His flank shouldn't take up the whole thing, but it should take up more than one sentence at the very end.

Re: Hm... by Duothimir on 2013-01-08 01:09:00 UTC Reply

And I have spent much of this conversation editing it. The content relevant to his cutie mark (or lack thereof) now makes up half of the personality portion of the profile.

OK by firemagic on 2013-01-08 01:14:00 UTC Reply

Looks good to me

If we're being fair... by SpecstacularSC on 2013-01-08 00:20:00 UTC Reply

A lot of agents could possiblt have self-confidence issues when first recruited. If I might point out, one of the DoI agents did feel the need to prove Atlantis' existence by flooding HQ, which could be a sign that he has some small insecurity yet undisclosed. Plus, it could add to the humor.

And just because blank flank adults are rare doesn't mean that there's no room for it to happen canonically, so he's really only slightly stretching the extent of a canonical device, right?

Well, yeah by firemagic on 2013-01-08 00:25:00 UTC Reply

But the self-identity of a pony does have a lot to do with their mark (or the other way around.) So while self-confidence issues are normal for HQ, Heart's (and I hope for entertaining bits with his name being confused with Dr Kindheart)lack of a mark should still have enough of an impact on his mind to show up in the profile, but it doesn't.

The lack of a mark is very rushed in, I think, and really shouldn't be. I expect you have plans for him to get his cutie mark in a mission, and there's nothing wrong with that, but I think his character's idea of why he doesn't have a mark needs to be explained more. Does he obsess over it? Does he try and pretend he doesn't care? Does he just not care at all and figures it'll come eventually? All that needs to be laid out.

I can agree with this. by SpecstacularSC on 2013-01-08 00:30:00 UTC Reply

Having rushed bits of character descriptions myself once, I can safely chalk it up to "it sounded cool, I want to see how I can spin this" as the most plausible answer.

So long as he slows down and spells out his intentions for the missing cutie mark detail, I think he might have a good character in the works.

Re: I can agree with this. by Duothimir on 2013-01-08 00:47:00 UTC Reply

Well, I actually created the character for an RP a while back, with the idea of making a shonen hero-style pony OOCly influenced by things like Zettai Hero Project and History's Strongest Disciple Kenichi, in other words having him start out as a blank slate in terms of skills and abilities. To go along with that thematically, I also made him a blank flank. I did have a character arc planned out for him involving getting his cutie mark, but I'm not sure how much of it I'll use in the PPC.

So, an evolved one-time-intended character? by SpecstacularSC on 2013-01-08 00:51:00 UTC Reply

Hey, some of my better character spawned as one-time-intended things that eventually became full-on character studies all their own.

But, there is one inevitable question:

If, say, he looks this stuff up online, how does he type with his hooves? XD

Re: So, an evolved one-time-intended character? by Duothimir on 2013-01-08 00:51:00 UTC Reply

Very, very carefully. Alternately, very large keys.

Re: So, an evolved one-time-intended character? by SpecstacularSC on 2013-01-08 00:53:00 UTC Reply

Or perhaps he head-bashes the keyboard until he eventually writes out his search correctly?

Re: So, an evolved one-time-intended character? by Duothimir on 2013-01-08 00:54:00 UTC Reply

That seems pretty time consuming.

Re: So, an evolved one-time-intended character? by SpecstacularSC on 2013-01-08 01:03:00 UTC Reply

Not if you're Strong Bad.

Which he's not.

So moot point.