I didn't pour the meltwater from that hailstorm down the back of your neck while you were driving. Yeah, it might have been my idea, but it wasn't my fault. And anyway, what you were doing taking my advice when I can't drive or see very well is really beyond me. =]

That was until I ended up falling through that manhole and face-planting in the sewer. I still can't get the sepsis out of my eyes, but there was at least a good thing about that incident: I got myself a rat following. Well, a swarm of rats went after me - hoping they could turn me into some exquisite soup of the day, no doubt - and I was thankful to have found that cigarette lighter. The ensuing carnage left me with second-degree burns on all of my limbs, sure, but by the time it was over, the rats that survived began worshiping me like some kind of ancient rat god. I don't know how or why, but I'll take what I can get.

It helped that when Fred landed on top of me and turned me into a grease stain, they resurrected me through prayer. I kinda hope nobody gets the idea to start calling me Lord Cheesus, though. ^^;

Tell me, why was everyone talking so slowly?

– but totally worth it.

I would send the German Mounted Mountain Navy to your rescue, but apparently they ran out of elephants.

(Unfortunately, I cannot post the associated photo of a navy sailor riding an elephant, because it was in a book that went lost long ago.)

HG

I was the one who brought the Weapons of Medium Destruction.

Speaking of those, I had no idea which team I was on in the catacombs, but they creeped me out big time. So all I was doing down there was firing the aforementioned Weapons of Medium Destruction at anything that moved.

~Mattman, who killed at least one Hobo down there.

I skeletonized all the frogs I got. I think my spirit animal is the piranha.

So let me set the scene for you:

Phone: RING RING RIIIIING!

Huinesoron: wflgbt

Phone: RIIIIIIIIIIIING!

Clock: The time, is, half past, four, ay emm!

Huinesoron: [Stumbles downstairs]

Phone: RI-RI-RI-RIIII-

Huinesoron: Wha'?

KittyEden, sounding out of breath and nearly drowned out by splashing: Hey! How do you feel about hosting the next PPC Camping Trip?

Huinesoron: … when?

KittyEden: [Very long silence]

Kaitlyn: hS, you need to come and see this…

Huinesoron: [Stumbles upstairs; looks out the window; stares at the gigantic aircraft carrier currently attempting to sail up onto the bank of the Thames]

So apparently when the American lot chose July to drive their ship, they also let her pick one… she at least had the decency to paint it black.

Since we were waiting for KittyEden, Kaitlyn and I had to find space for everyone to sleep for the next few days. So, to everyone who had to sleep in the shed, the loft, the bathtub, and especially the cot: sorry. (Though you three in the latter need to stop complaining: if we hadn't put the bars back on you would have fallen out, no?)

That's why people weren't overjoyed to see you, by the way: they'd been sleeping stacked three-high.

So we picked our destination, packed into Chitty Chitty Space Warp, and then everyone looked confused until I pointed out that we could just follow the railway - the Eurostar goes straight to Paris, after all.

And no, I didn't actually mean we should fly through the Channel Tunnel. Or that the correct answer to 'they have trains down here' was 'turn the lights off, then they won't see us!'. Thanks, eatpraylove, for knocking ten years off my life.

Unlike KittyEden, I know exactly how we got lost - once it comes out of the tunnel, the Eurostar goes to either Paris or Brussels. But I was busy playing PPC Munchkin with N. Harmonik and EileenAlphabet, so I didn't realise we'd gone the wrong way - or that when MochiIsAwesome called out 'just keep going south, we'll hit it eventually!', we were already over Switzerland.

Still, we eventually made Paris, hashtag-occupied the Eiffel Tower, and most people went to sleep.

I tried to go to sleep. But then Neshomeh dragged me bodily from my tent and forced me to play Extreme Truth or Dare (that's my story and I'm sticking to it). Oh, the tales I could tell about Iximaz climbing the outside of the tower, Mattman the Comet's 'impression of a real comet', and of course Storme Hawk's actinium 'mishap'. But what happens in Paris stays in Paris, right? Especially any 'truths' prompted by the words 'if you had to tell a brand-new shipfic out loud right now, what would it be?'. (Larfen J. Stocke, esq, that was cheating and you know it.)

I actually missed most of the first day: my hanglider was sabotaged by unknown Voyds, and I ended up circling over the city waiting for twenty thousand rubber bands to wind down and stop turning the propeller. I did have a good view of the Infinite Seagull incident, though. And I had an excellent view of the firework show - until that rocket hit my glider in the wing and brought me down on top of the tower. Still, down was better than up, and the burns have already started healing.

So I was much happier to ride Fred around the city on day two; SkarmorySilver's attempts to give a guided tour based on 'that video game I played a few years back' was especially entertaining (particularly once he realised he was trying to guide us around Prague, not Paris at all!). And I was very pleased to get FOOOOOOOOOOOOOD. I may have gone a little overboard on the croissants and croissant-derivatives.

No, not on the frogs. The frogs had nothing to do with me. If they had, would I have been throwing them over the side of the observation platform? (Oh, hush - they're small, they have low terminal velocity, they were fine.)

Day three was brilliant. Tigeress's Stop Motion Portal was hilarious ('Hardric's stepped on the orange portal! Everybody freeze!'), and got even better when more of those other-dimensional gateways opened. Nesh's Phantom of the Opera at the Opera was loads of fun, even if I was only able to do the chorus parts. And using flaming potato guns to have 'magical' duels across the rooftops of Paris by moonlight… well, what more needs to be said? Other than 'sorry, Phobos' (again).

But day four… okay, I was fine with 'Operation Spark a Riot so we can Pretend it's Orcs Attacking Helm's Deep'. Sort of fine. But 'dose the Seine with actinium so the radiation will make us all into superheroes' was a bad idea, and no, the fact that sonofheaven176 managed to lose my samples before they reached the river doesn't make it better. And 'paint the Eiffel Tower blue because reasons'... let's just say I don't blame the police for needing a lot of Jammie Dodgers to let us stay.

But Sues Versus Agents made up for it (as it always does). I still think my idea of using Valarin names for everyone on Team Serg- er, Scap- er, what team was I on? Well, it was a good idea anyway, but I ran around shouting for Tulukharušurûz to help me, and all I got was a faceful of foam arrows.

But it was fun. And I managed to make sure when we got kicked out it was into Belgium, so we could swing by Brussels and pick up some proper Belgian chocolate on the way back (like we should have on the way there, honestly). There's about 500 pounds of the stuff left if anyone feels like wandering by our place… like, for instance, if you want to pick up a certain beached, black-painted aircraft carrier and take it back where it belongs.

---

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaay it's back. ^_^

hS

I'm still finding bits of my skull in my jacket, y'know!
I woke up last morning, went to brush my teeth, looked in the mirror, and saw a huge bloody chunk of asphalt sticking out of my neck!
My neck!
How the hell did we not see that earlier?!
That hurt, you know!

But it was pretty fun, I will admit.

And I'll let you know these policemen totally swindled us. You could have asked me for translating. We would have avoided this shoot-out and I wouldn't have been banished from my country. Again. (And we could have crashed in my little brother's appartment. He needs redecorating it anyways.)

I swear I was joking when I dared Storme Hawk to drink that water with the actinium in it! It's entirely his fault. And hS' for bringing along actinium in the first place. Darn chemists.

And man, Fred grew up so fast. *sniffles* We really need to get together for a game of elephant polo sometime.

Anyone volunteer to go find her or should I just go ahead?

You also left out the part where someone decided to volunteer me to man the helm of the boat we took to get the hS' place in the first place. Then again considering you decided to swim the whole way there instead I probably should be less surprised. :P

Was the Phantom of the Opera reenactment in the actual Paris Opera House on the next-to-last day. Despite the relative lack of Phans, we made the most of it by doubling up on parts, and it was pretty sweet.

If someone could come and let me out of the basement now, though, that would be nice. My phone is almost out of juice, and it's frankly a miracle that I've got a signal down here to begin with.

Also, the rats are starting to look at me funny.

~Neshomeh, who blames Phobos for most of the frog-roasting.

In the country in which we bought them.

Also, the little, old man did not have an "excess" of flammable material. By the standards and definitions employed by the country in which he sold them.

—doctorlit tried to make them wait for you, but elephants can be very persuasive