Funny thing: I actually meant to start it soon

Subject: Funny thing: I actually meant to start it soon
Author: Matt Cipher
Posted on: 2016-03-31 18:12:00 UTC

But since you did it, I can contribute with something veeeery bad.

Harry Potter and the Dementor of Azkaban

To start, we've got a paticulary nasty case of a Sue: It's the first time that I've actually seen a half-Dementor (sic). Let me just quote you an passage from "Potter Sue of the Day" livejournal:

"ORIGIN: Apparently, being a dementor is like having a disease, and Voldemort claims to have a cure for it. Suprisingly, there is no explanation about her existence. She is just a half-dementor, and that's that.

CONNECTIONS TO CANON: She used to guard the prisoners in Azkaban, as a child she gave Sirius the name Snuffles. Dumbledore, Snape and McGonagall went to Azkaban to teach her magic. The Order wants to recruit her as a spy, now that Snape killed Dumbledore. She is surly and rude to Tonks, and does not trust Harry. She seems to know that Snape is not evil. But, of course, everyone starts to love her and see her as a human. She gets to train Harry in ways of wandless magic and Occlumency. She gets to go off with Harry and Draco to look for Horcruxes. She and George fall in love. Awwwww.

SPECIAL ABILITIES: An "extremely gifted witch", she is trained as an Auror, "she has experience in dealing with souls". She can see someones soul by looking into their eyes. She can speak French. She can brew Wolfsbane [Potion]. She can do the Dementor-breath-rattle, but she can't suck out souls. She is skilled at all sorts of spells."

Reply Return to messages

Jump to this post's position in the thread ↴

Badfic thread Returns. by Hardric on 2016-03-31 16:06:00 UTC Reply

Yep, it feels uninspired of doing this after Huinesoron (mildly) complained because we don't do them anymore, but fact is, he's right.

I'll kick off this with a fic I discovered and claimed for a cowrite with Matt: Cursor's Canim, a crossover of Codex Alera and Harry Potter.

To any Potterverse fan here: Do noot read this first chapter. It will annihilate your soul.

(I'm aware that you'll do it anyways, but now you cannot said yoou were not warned.)

Oh goody! by GlarnBoudin on 2016-04-02 16:14:00 UTC Reply

I can dig through my stash! Let's see here...

Here's one I found recently. It's a RWBY fanfic. (Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11748248/1/Woods-to-Romance)

What's Wrong: Gary Stu shows up out of the blue, starts hitting on Yang and somehow doesn't get his facial features rearranged, and then proceeds to easily beat her in physical combat. He also has a CAF-a wolf named Gore that he literally brings into Beacon's cafeteria without getting a complaint from the staff.
Oh lord, a Codex Alera/HP crossover? (nm) by JulyFlame on 2016-04-01 16:22:00 UTC Reply

Just wait to (not) read that. by Hardric on 2016-04-01 19:05:00 UTC Reply

Potterverse is utterly destroyed during the first chapter. Then it's Carna's turn,with a Harry replacement... You got to read it to believe it.

Here's one for DAVD or DoGA. (Force Awakens spoiler) by Tawaki on 2016-04-01 16:15:00 UTC Reply

Ren on Selonia by exd4# -- NSFW, Grimdark as kriff
Kylo Ren lands on Selonia, where ysalamir-toting locals give him the welcome you'd expect. Violent.
Star Wars - Rated: M - English - Horror - Chapters: 1 - Favs: 1 - Published: 13h ago - Kylo Ren/Ben Solo - Complete

My comment: There are some distinct possibilities in the premise of Ren showing up in the Corellian system as the culture was depicted in the Legends timeline, but this is gorn, plain and simple. I also doubt Dracmus would be such a sadist in any timeline. Furthermore, the Hunchuzuc Den is located on Corellia, not Selonia.
RE: Badfic thread returns by eatpraylove on 2016-04-01 14:57:00 UTC Reply

Thanks for the warning, I'll follow it.

As for a contribution...well, I found this stinker some time ago, and while I can see the value in doing a mission to it (character development for Ami, catharsis for yours truly), I do actually have some attachment to my sanity. So, if anybody out there really wants to take on a nigh-unreadable FiM fic with Replacement Princesses and a Mary Sue/Canon Break combo...
This isn't a specific fic as such... by Slothgirl on 2016-04-01 13:21:00 UTC Reply

...but I have a theory that any fic found on Tumblr or FFN that focuses on MCU!Loki will either contain poor SPaG, Sues, poor characterisation, urple prose, urple prose pretending it is dialogue, or (most likely) a combination of the above. Sadly, I have yet to be proven wrong.
Funny thing: I actually meant to start it soon by Matt Cipher on 2016-03-31 18:12:00 UTC Reply

But since you did it, I can contribute with something veeeery bad.

Harry Potter and the Dementor of Azkaban

To start, we've got a paticulary nasty case of a Sue: It's the first time that I've actually seen a half-Dementor (sic). Let me just quote you an passage from "Potter Sue of the Day" livejournal:

"ORIGIN: Apparently, being a dementor is like having a disease, and Voldemort claims to have a cure for it. Suprisingly, there is no explanation about her existence. She is just a half-dementor, and that's that.

CONNECTIONS TO CANON: She used to guard the prisoners in Azkaban, as a child she gave Sirius the name Snuffles. Dumbledore, Snape and McGonagall went to Azkaban to teach her magic. The Order wants to recruit her as a spy, now that Snape killed Dumbledore. She is surly and rude to Tonks, and does not trust Harry. She seems to know that Snape is not evil. But, of course, everyone starts to love her and see her as a human. She gets to train Harry in ways of wandless magic and Occlumency. She gets to go off with Harry and Draco to look for Horcruxes. She and George fall in love. Awwwww.

SPECIAL ABILITIES: An "extremely gifted witch", she is trained as an Auror, "she has experience in dealing with souls". She can see someones soul by looking into their eyes. She can speak French. She can brew Wolfsbane [Potion]. She can do the Dementor-breath-rattle, but she can't suck out souls. She is skilled at all sorts of spells."

I found another one! by Matt Cipher on 2016-03-31 19:38:00 UTC Reply

And this one is even worse!

I present to you: Child of Necromancy, Spawn of Dementor

PotterSues help me out again, please!

"ORIGIN: Necrosia is the Princess of the Dementors and the Dead. So...Hades? Tartarus? The seventh circle of Hell?

CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Your guess is as good as mine. I can't see it, even squinting and tilting my head sideways.

SPECIAL ABILITIES: Speaks the language of the Dementors (Dou'raan) and the language of the Necromancers (Necrian), can raise the dead (53 of them to be exact), can play hide and seek in Azkaban with Dementors, can sense emotions and "suck the happiness out of people" "

Can I claim this one? (nm) by Silenthunder on 2016-04-02 01:58:00 UTC Reply

How very bizarre. by Neshomeh on 2016-03-31 19:24:00 UTC Reply

The writing is pretty decent mechanically, I think, but still... what a strange idea. I'm all for further exploring ideas about prejudice and tolerance, but a better candidate species might have been a vampire. We don't know enough about them to say there couldn't be half-breeds, as far as I'm aware, and at least they're flesh and blood. I don't want to think about how you'd get a half-Dementor.

But of course I am anyway. Best I can come up with is to postulate that maybe she got her soul sucked out halfway (except we know that doesn't make Dementors, just vegetables); or maybe, like, her mom received the Kiss when she was still in the womb, and that somehow affected her? I don't think that actually makes sense, either, but it's better than considering actual Dementor/human reproduction. >.
~Neshomeh
How very bizarre. by Neshomeh on 2016-03-31 19:24:00 UTC Reply

The writing is pretty decent mechanically, I think, but still... what a strange idea. I'm all for further exploring ideas about prejudice and tolerance, but a better candidate species might have been a vampire. We don't know enough about them to say there couldn't be half-breeds, as far as I'm aware, and at least they're flesh and blood. I don't want to think about how you'd get a half-Dementor.

But of course I am anyway. Best I can come up with is to postulate that maybe she got her soul sucked out halfway (except we know that doesn't make Dementors, just vegetables); or maybe, like, her mom received the Kiss when she was still in the womb, and that somehow affected her? I don't think that actually makes sense, either, but it's better than considering actual Dementor/human reproduction. >.<

~Neshomeh
If she's a spy... by Ivy-M-Blue on 2016-03-31 18:33:00 UTC Reply

...she sure is a pretty darn terrible spy. She comes out and says "I'm a spy." Isn't that something that people involved in the profession of espionage don't want others to know?

Overall reaction: Yikes.^TM

-Vee

Maybe it's reverse psychology. (nm) by Larfen J. Stocke, esq on 2016-04-01 05:55:00 UTC Reply
You haven't played Inquisition have you? by Storme Hawk on 2016-03-31 21:14:00 UTC Reply

Minding you, The Iron Bull is kind of special.

I have not, in fact. by Ivy-M-Blue on 2016-03-31 21:49:00 UTC Reply

I actually play very few video games, as a matter of fact. Google tells me that the Iron Bull is this guy...

...though I really know very little about him, apart from the fact that the player can apparently pursue romance with him. At the risk of sounding absolutely ridiculous and ignorant, is the Iron Bull a spy?

-Vee

Sorry... by Storme Hawk on 2016-04-01 12:40:00 UTC Reply

Didn't mean to make you search through Google for stuff.

Yes, The Iron Bull is a spy, in fact those are pretty much the first words out of his mouth to you in DA:I. IIRC he later explains that the reason he told you that when you first meet is because finding out later, when the two of you are getting along/friends would potentially shatter any trust you have, whereas him coming out and saying it straight up means you always know what he is. Or something like that (it's been a while)
In fact so long as the group a spy is spying for and the group they are spying on aren't enemies, it can be a valid, if risky tactic for the spy to take.

Storme Hawk

Psh, don't worry about it. by Ivy-M-Blue on 2016-04-02 00:49:00 UTC Reply

I have a habit of Googling everything, and was curious to see him anyway. However, this man's set-up does seem rather different from the Sue (whose name I cannot remember at the time). After all, it's not as though the Order isn't used to doing dangerous things, right? They wouldn't let something like being a spy get in the way of friendship. (The girl's personality is enough to destroy all chances of anything more than tolerance, in any case.)

I do hope that made sense. If not... oh well.

-Vee

This one hurts my brain by Bramandin on 2016-03-31 16:33:00 UTC Reply

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11262693/1/Fan-fiction-Chappie

The grammar in the dialogue is supposed to be bad, so just pay attention to the narration.

I might want to try this one when I get permission.