Subject: GRAB THE CHAIR, BOYS! WE'VE GOT ANOTHER BUCKET-KICKER!
Author:
Posted on: 2016-03-09 09:54:00 UTC
HIT IT!
Happy Birthday my olde friend.
It seems this horror show will never end.
Any moment's your last breath,
Here is to another day closer to death.
So a couple years back, I popped out of my mother's womb like the cork over a bottle of wine, landing facefirst on the floor in a big pile of red, sticky liquid.
It's my birthday. Good on me for being born.
I did a brilliant job of it, if I do say so myself.
The plot twist is that, while everyone has been focussing on the Illuminati and Majestic 12 and the Da Vinci code, the true secret evil all along was Key, and I'm actually a 300 year old sleeper agent, or something.
Cork is the 'wake up and murder the Secretary-General of the United States' signal.
Goodness, was your awakening supposed to be this haphazard? I need to go beat up have a talk with the technicians. . .
I read that Da Vinci Code book once. It struck me as rather amateurish.
Wasn't the code something really stupid, like they had to read it backwards, or something?
Some were dumber than others. Some were kind of cool, actually. My problem with it was that the two cults' motives didn't make enough sense to me.
I'm curious.
At this point, all I remember is the sex and violence (which isn't shallow of me. There were copious amounts of both.) But yeah, part of it was just written backwards. To be fair, though, they guessed it almost immediately.
Happy Birthday. ;) I would apologise for turning you into a terrestrial cephalopod, but I'm not gonna.
hS
(PS: Checking the spelling of that led me to Wikipedia's page, which includes this really spooky squid image. This is now how I'm picturing you, possibly making 'woooo-OOOOO' noises.)
If I could be turned into any class of animal, it would be cephalopoda.
They're the coolest things.
There are squids who jump out of water, octopodes who mimic rocks, texture and all, Cthulhu. The octopus brain being distributed throughout the body, so their limbs essentially have minds of their own.
It never ends!
Birthdays are cool. Make people do stuff for you. :)
Have these black-holes chocolates and coffee, please.
HIT IT!
Happy Birthday my olde friend.
It seems this horror show will never end.
Any moment's your last breath,
Here is to another day closer to death.
HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
MAY ALL YOUR WISHES COME TRUE
HOPE NOBODY MAKES YOU BLUE
AND YOUR CAKE DOESN'T EXPLODE IN GOO!
*blows noisemakers*
Since its no longer copyrighted, I no longer need to sing "Pleasant date of birth to the person concerned".*Sings at apitch only someone under 50 can hear*
