Subject: New Mission!
Author:
Posted on: 2016-02-12 01:28:00 UTC
In which Natalie and Za'kiir must deal with an alien Sue that is more like a black star than a "Starheart."
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New Mission! by
on 2016-02-12 01:28:00 UTC
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Well done. by
on 2016-02-14 19:05:00 UTC
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Death by canon is always a good thing. And choosing the right time, when the ‘Sue can’t fight back, is a smart move.
Unfortunately, I must be nitpicky again:
They stepped out of the portal to find themselves instantly needing to hide behind Convent Trees.
You probably meant "Convenient Trees".
Elliot still has to neuralyzed.
Natalie skipped a word ("be") there.
HG -
You're not being nitpicky; you're being helpful. Thanks. (nm) by
on 2016-02-14 19:55:00 UTC
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I liked the mission. by
on 2016-02-12 15:12:00 UTC
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It's an easy read and Za'kiir grew on me as a character. You've also shown great improvement compared to the first version of your first mission, so kudos.
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Cool by
on 2016-02-12 10:47:00 UTC
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Convent Trees is intentional?
I don't know too much about guns, but I thought that modern weapons tend not to go off when the safety is on. My dad did have a black-powder pistol where accidental discharge was a danger.
I love how Natalie needed to be reminded to neuralyse someone. Nice use of the Sue being incapacitated for a while.
It's great that you managed to use the canon to destroy her.