Subject: Yeah, backstory
Author:
Posted on: 2016-01-28 13:52:00 UTC

I understand Lapis much better now. Reading this long mission took me some time, but I liked it a lot.

Continuity error?
(“That’s definitely not canon, isn’t it?” asked Lapis.)
By putting it into parenthesis, did you intend to imply that Rayner is imagining this? Because she probably would, if she were there and listened to Nya’s tale, but last we know about Lapis is that she is elsewhere, listening to E.V.L.’s tale.

Some more errors:

“The only notable character who would try an all-out attack is The Boulder, and he certainly certainly isn’t subtle about anything.”

The agents watched as an gagged Elf was brought forth ...
“an” is only used when it’s easier to pronounce than “a”, so its “an elf”, not “a elf”, but still “a gagged elf”.

I decided to cut off the mission at the next major charge-worthy scene and and call it a day

HG

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