Have a parakeet-sized Godzilla skeleton and a pair of Imposing Dark Sunglasses! Once put on, you look very imposing and suspicious to those who don't know you personally.

Please accept this 'ere starter Pokémon:-

Iiiiiiit's Bronzong!

(or very bell if you're hS)

And your starting item is:-

Pyro from The Binding of Isaac: Afterbirth

Pyro's a very specific item - it grants a +33% damage boost to Fire-type moves that don't make contact - but it's one that, unfortunately, Bronzong can't really make much use of. The only Fire-type move it knows is Hidden Power Fire, which is frankly a waste of a moveslot on a Bronzong. Sorry. Still, Bronzong's a good Pokémon anyway, so go HP and Special Defence and wall 4 dayz. =]

For the Coolness Factor! I'm a grammar, spelling and punctuation Nazi myself… Glad to know there's another.

Have an urple ocarina, my friend! I think you have found the right forums; we do love our SPaG and our fanfic. What sort of fics do you write?

-Alleb

*dig dig dig*

This one digs up protoforms.

... if you don't know, those are baby Transformers.

Have one of my own shed feathers and a complimentary kit of Spikes!

Have a Bag of Holding so you can store the truckload of welcome gifts you are getting and a Rorschach Book, which can change into any written fiction text in exsitence. Just hold it with your eyes closed, think about what you wanna read and then brink there times.

Welcome to the crazy - from what you've said, you'll fit in excellently here. Everyone here's extremely cool - but watch out for that Dorano, she's a strange one.

Also take some of this Bloffee. I guarantee you'll be needing it soon enough.

Welcome to the board and here is a hreen light pen.

Welcome, welcome! :D

Well, I see all the important questions have been asked... so I can only give you this slice of Infinite Pizza.

Have this pot of black-hole coffee. I really hope you'll like this place.

What is your preferred pronoun?
Here, have this cup of tea. No, the leaves aren't going to eat your face when you sip from it. Why would you think that?

I'm glad to see you here. I'm sure you'll fit right in.

However I'd be very greatful if you didn't use the term "Grammer Nazi" in the future. Neo-Nazis are a fear of mine and my grandfather's family had to leave Germany to escape the Nazi's grip the first time they cropped up so people who refer to themselves or others as a "[insert noun here] Nazi" makes me extremely uncomfortable.

You certainly have found the right forum. Here's some popcorn to eat while you read the Important Stuff Iximaz showed you! What series are you into?

Hello, and welcome aBoard! For your newbie gift, take this plate of freshly-made SPaGhetti!

If you haven't yet read them, may I point you towards the Original Series and the Constitution? They're pretty much the only required reading around these parts. Another useful resource you might use is the Wiki; if you have any questions, just look here before asking. We like it when newbies do the research. ;)

Hope you like it here!