I like when Sues are taken down like this.

Alas, I have some nitpicking to do:

... she would become as an Ice Wraith ...
Shouldn’t this be "like an Ice Wraith"?

They portaled inside the house after a few minutes, being careful as possible ...
Missing word? ( as careful as possible)?

She found Za’kiir in a corridor who doing his best to keep Rose Tyler, who he had fished out of the plot hole, from running away or screaming by holding her as tightly as he could.
That’s a weird sentence. You may want split it up into two or more sentences.
Also, I was not aware that Natalie had lost Za’kiir. He may have gone ahead while she neuralyzed the aliens, but since him leaving was not mentioned you have a continuity problem here.

HG

This glitterbag was a notfemale!Harry, BUT was using the middle name Rose as a weak attempt for mitigating her canonbreaking? Killing this thing with logic was the most perfect thing to do. Excellent work, Silent.

I mean how many times has the guy been the target of replacement sues and stus like this again?
It's nice to the ninth doctor the poor guy is underrated in my option. Too bad he is in a bad fanfic.

The mission is a good.

I must admit when I read the name Clive my mind went to thinking of the Clive from Professor Layton instead of the conspiracy theorist she actually visited. I guess I've been playing a lot of professor Layton or it's been too long since I saw the episode Rose.

Just one tiny, tiny nitpick:

“You call yourself the Mistress of Death. But according to Xenophilius Lovegood, only the person who owns all three of the Deathly Hallows simultaneously can be called the Master - or the Mistress, in your case - of Death.”

It's not enough to own them, you have to be the rightful owner. Remember, the Elder Wand didn't work properly for Voldemort because he wasn't the rightful owner. S'why he killed Snape, thinking that would get it to work for him.