Subject: Sparklepires and sparklewolves don't follow these rules.
Author:
Posted on: 2015-10-07 09:30:00 UTC
You should try for your F-22s, and get your RA on speed-dial for really destructive locations (nuclear test sites, the stars, blackholes...).
If you cannot solve a problem with mass-destruction, you didn't destroy enough things.
Stephanie Meyer is rewriting Twilight by gender swapping the main characters. Sadly, this is NOT a joke - a bit of Google-Fu led to pages upon pages upon pages of results all announcing the same thing.
Everyone ready for even more atrocious badfic to come from all of this?
I'm mostly indifferent to the whole thing, except for one thing- the names. Seriously, Beau? Edythe? Who names their children that? Was Meyer bitten by a rabid 'i' in her youth?
I was working on the assumption that Meyer was setting this in... some time around the 19th century. Since this is no longer the case, I will content myself with the following information:
Jacob, the series' sole good character before Eclipse wrecked him, is getting genderbent in a butch, muscly, werewolf bike mechanic.
MY TINY GAY HEART
Bad as the original Twilight continuity was, I has at least one thing that is better than this... thing: Bella and Edward may be horrible, terrible characters, but at least their names make sense, I guess.
Also, nice to see you again, Star. How is Till the world ends doing these days?
Apparently Beau is a French name that means 'beautiful', which would make sense as a genderswap of Bella... except that 'Bella' was supposed to be short for 'Isabella', and Isabella is an Italian name that means 'consecrated to God'. Also, Edith would make sense as a genderswapped Edward (although so would Edwina), but 'Edythe'... no.
Also, hi. Unfortunately, Till the World Ends isn't doing too well, as I'm rather busy with community college and it's hard to write the horrible urple prose that it's in. It's not dead, but it's been a while.
If she actually did the Glaurunging research, well, she probably would still be Meyer, but maybe she would be at least slightly less terrible. I mean, how long did it actually take you to find out this information? It couldn't have been that long.
Of course, we are talking about the writer who managed to contradict her canon in the Glaurunging Illustrated Guide, so...
Well, I can't imagine how hard it must to deliberately write urple prose, but I hope that someday you are able to return to it. You are an amazingly parody writer and I would love to read more of it.
It took me a few minutes of googling and this website:
http://www.meaning-of-names.com/search/index.asp?nm=beautiful&stype=1&gndr=1
That means she can't even be bothered to do a few minutes of internet research. What does that tell you about her quality as a writer?
Then again, we are talking about someone who did something that basically amounts to jolting down what she remembered about a dream she had and then had the gall to state on record that was when she first felt like a writer. Yeah. * headdesks*
oooooooooo!!! Actually, if it's anything like the previous series, maybe this will also be so bad it's hilarious? Maybe they will also make a series of movies that will slowly decline in quality until they reach hilarity?
I have hope, friends!
...and man, I'm so glad I did.
I'm starting to get the sense that Meyer has been milking her franchise for all it's worth these days, seeing as only the Twilight saga has gotten major recognition. Which is quite sad, really, seeing as I genuinely feel that she'd be capable of better if only she did her darn research and actually wrote believable characters and relationships. Truth be told, I did actually feel some appreciation for the way she wrote back then, and I didn't realize how creepy and abusive the main pairing really was until long after the fact.
I haven't read the genderbent version myself, but if the Internet's reaction is correct, I don’t think I’ll be missing much. Genderbent shenanigans need to consider the differences in how society treats males and females, so simply changing the names and gender pronouns sounds truly creative.
Now, how soon will it be before we get a genderswap of Fifty Shades of Gray? ;n;
Now there'll be even MORE genderswap fanfics!
No. Nu-huh. No way. One Twilight badfic is more than enough for any agent. Please.
I don't see why people keep calling this badfic. Or even fanfiction, actually. I mean, I don't see how someone writing an AU of their own intellectual property qualifies as fanfic.
You see, it's the law of diminishing returns. Twilight is on its own pretty bad, which tends to drop the quality of Twilight fanfiction. Now it would seem to make things worse, there's about to be a rewritten version of the original story, which admittedly may surprise us and turn out good, but as is more usually the case will actually be wise than the original spawning even lower quality fan fiction.
I think that they're expecting the inevitable worse-than-the-original badfic.
For Madoka's sake and her angel Homura's, this has to be a joke. Like, a terribly late April 1st announcement?
... It isn't?
And Meyer's releasing also a retelling of Twilight from Edward's POV?
Reinforce Eins in a sweater, the fanfiction explosion will be BAD.
By the Sankt Kaiser, this is going to be bad. You can bet that a HORRIBLE badfic explosion is on the horizon.
I mean, Midnight Sun was only ever given a partial release on Meyer's site up until now. Yet someone already managed to take it, combine it with New Moon (easily the second worst book in the Twilight Saga) and produce this atrocity.
Which manages to give us a eerily perfect reproduction of Meyer's absolutely awful style.
* Finishes downing a ginormius bowl of Hot Bleepolate *
On a lighter note, there is something I have been curious for quite some time, Sergio. Where does the term "Reinforce Eins in a sweater" come from?
Basically, Reinforce Eins was seen in the series only for a little amount of time before sacrificing herself, and for all that time she was wearing a typical Barrier Jacket-like outfit.
The main premise of the PSP game is her surviving instead, so we see her in normal clothing. And, considering how Seven Arcs is very fond of fanservice and Reinforce Eins is pretty busty, everyone was surpised when she appeared wearing a very modest sweater.
The PSP games are about the only parts of Nanoha that I haven't been able to expose myself to. I don't have a PSP and fighting games are not that fun just watching someone else play on a Let's Play.
Think about it: when was the last time you heard a published author protest that their character wasn't a certain way because of their gender - and then go on to (try and) prove it? For me, the answer is 'never'.
I'm all for this.
hS
I mean, upon reflection, it has the potential to make the central dynamic a bit more interesting. It's potential that Meyer will almost inevitably squander, because SMeyer, but points for effort. =]
You know the chessboard motif that showed up on at least one of the Twilight covers?
Yeah, Life and Death seems to be a reference to the other game played with black-and-white pieces.
hS
And then after that, backgammon. Wtf brain. Neither of these games use black and white pieces.
She is REALLY writing a gender swapped... fanfiction about Twilight? Who could have taunted the Ironic Overpower up to the point where THIS happened?
I'm more afraid about crossovers, especially when someone will write about both universes. Our brains will melt.
Especially if Bella/Beau and Wardo/Edythe hook up with their genderbent counterpart. Two bad tastes that taste worse together!
*passes out brain bleach for all*
On the plus side, if it's bad enough, we could kill ALL of them in one go...
*begin stockpiling flamethrowers and other nice toys*
Wooden-tipped, silver jacketed bullets with a holy water core. Can't go wrong.
Especially if applied in heavy doses.
*readies M2HB heavy machine gun* Very heavy doses.
You should try for your F-22s, and get your RA on speed-dial for really destructive locations (nuclear test sites, the stars, blackholes...).
If you cannot solve a problem with mass-destruction, you didn't destroy enough things.
* sighs * Everyone knows that Meyer is basically incapable of writing outside traditional gender roles, so I don't buy that she wrote this to properly adress the damsel in distress problem. Not at all.
I would honestly be lying if I said that the Twilight series wasn't totally self-indulgent trash for me. Is it awful? Oh, my god, absolutely. But its terrible makes it that much more fun to read. Especially since they're not exactly complex; I remember powering through pretty much the whole series in a day or two, it was quite relaxing to not have to think. :P
Though honestly, I'm more mad that it's a genderbend instead of a role swap. I might actually be genuinely intrigued in a moody broody terrible vampire Bella and a mopey human Edward.
Blechhhh. Edna and Isa, maybe? Edith isn't a bad name unto itself, but. The unnecessary "y". Whyyyyy.
Autocorrect is the woooorsrt!
I think autocorrect may have been trying to *save* you...
Really?
Really?
I refuse to comment further.
"Meyer got fed up of readers branding her female protagonist a 'damsel in distress' and decided to shake things up"
Yeeeah, now we're getting a slender, willow-like, feminine Male!Meyer and a brute, muscular female vampire! :D
...will anyone buy it? I mean, after her fanbase's self-destruction over Breaking Dawn...
Well, time to barf up some wishful thinking out of the very edges of reality: Whosawhatsit!Male!Bella "not having a chip on her sholder" hopefully means she can write good characters intentionally!
Let's hope Mervin and Hyde get their hands on this soon...
http://das-sporking.livejournal.com/1198229.html
Should be a fun ride.
And yes, I do have Magnus Chase
Also, aside from the fact that this concept sounds like a badfic itself... TO BATTLE!
I REPEAT, THIS IS NOT A DRILL. SWITCHING TO DEFCON ONE AND READYING THE SPORKS.
