Welcome. Have some sonic screws. (You'll have to supply your own sonic screwdriver to go with them.)

Well, technically I guess I would be a returnbie, since I was here before but went away and just recently got back here, but since the total time I have spent on Board is about two months, I could be classified as a newbie as well...

Sorry for the rambling. I am another fellow Boarder who found about the PPC through Tv Tropes, so we also have that in common.

Here, as a Welcoming Gift, I present you with a Rorschach Book. It can change to any text in existence. Just close your eyes while holding it, think about what you want read then blink on purpose three times and it should have changed.

I've been pretty bad about welcoming newbies lately, including one fiasco where my message was left unfinished for so long that it got eaten twice, but: Welcome to the Board! We're glad to have you. Here, have a Welcome Gift of Swiss Bleepolate, and a set of Gummyblees that will turn into (gummy-candy-mixed-with-bleep) items from your top three fandoms as soon as you pick up the package. Enjoy, and Welcome a-Board again!

~DF

Welcome to the crazy. I don't have any gifts for you (sincere apologies), but I do hope you enjoy your stay!

Here's a replica of Lobelia's umbrella, because why not, and a box of extra-buttery popcorn to eat while on a mission or throw at offending Sues, whichever strikes your fancy! :)

Welcome to the PPC! Have this miniature star!
(Some assembly required. It's basically just a balloon full of hydrogen right now.)

Have a shovel enchanted to dig up plovers!

... yes, I know plovers are Tawaki's thing.

Have an urple ocarina, and tell us a little bit about yourself! What're your fandoms?

-Alleb

Anyway! Welcome to the PPC! Have this replica of the One Ring that gives you amazing parkour skills!

Have one of my own she'd feathers and a complimentary kit of Spikes!

Hello, and welcome aBoard! For your newbie gift, take this plate of freshly-made SPaGhetti!

Since you've already checked out the Original Series and the Constitution, I'll just reiterate what Darkotas said and point you at the Wiki; if you have any questions, just look here before asking. We like a newbie who does the research.

As for potential other spin-offs for you to read, have a list of my favorites!

Hope you like it here! :D

Here's your starter Pokémon:-

Iiiiiiiit's Farfetch'd!

And your starting item is:-

Mom's Lipstick from The Binding Of Isaac: Rebirth!

Now, Mom's Lipstick is a pretty interesting item - it grants an additional 10% damage boost to non-contact moves, the same as any other pure range-up from TBOI:R - but Farfetch'd shouldn't use it. Ever. It's one of the few 'mons with a dedicated item that doesn't actually suck, with its Stick raising its Crit chance by two stages, and its stats are so supremely awful that it's hard to do anything with it. On top of that, Farfetch'd doesn't have a lot of non-Contact moves. Sorry, newbie, y'all been screwed by the RNG. =]

(Shh, it's a Shout Out.)
Here, have this cup of confused Lapsang Souchong tea. It's not quite certain whether it smells like a campfire or not, so be gentle with it, aright? The taste is still exquisite, though!

Also: you are a Boarder, not an agent.

~Sgt. First Class Des

Since you're signing up right now, there's a special one time offer. For only 375 low monthly you installments of $9.99 you can platinum membership....

That joke got older quicker than I thought it would. Welcome to the board. Just a couple of questions to help us get to know you a bit better.

1. How did you find the PPC?
2. Have you read the PPC Constitution?
3. The Original Series?
4. Fandoms?
5. Preferred Pronoun?
6. Favorite Agent/Spinoff as of yet?
7. Anything else you care to share?

And have a digital pet alligator. Careful. It nips a bit.

Welcome! Always nice to find someone new, so here's a Newbie Gift of the World's Most Annoying Button. Please don't press it. Ever.

If I may ask, how did you find the PPC? Also, we'd love if you could tell us about yourself a bit - favorite fandoms, interests, what-have-you. Stuff like that.

Since you're new, I'll refer you to The Original Series. Give it a read, it's how this all got started. After that, head over to our Wiki if you'd like to learn some more stuff about us or find some spinoffs.

Welcome aBoard!