Hello there! If there's one thing you should know about me, it's that I never know what to say to newbies.
...
I'll see if I can find... ah! Have this inch-tall replica of a Mary Sue Factory! It's definitely not a fell artifact of an evil deity!
...I hope.

Have a shovel enchanted to make dumb people see sense when you smack them with it!

(also totally not wondering if you read my spin-off, with Valon and Kala)

It is always nice when people do the research before jumping on Board.
Since it doesn't seem we share any fandoms, have a Rorschach Book, which changes automatically according to your current reading interest.

Welcome to the board and have a dark black light pen.

Have some sonic screws. You'll have to provide your own sonic screwdriver to go with them.

*tackles and hogties pokeballs the http://ppc.wikia.com/wiki/Mini/Pok%C3%A9mon">mini-Missingno* That ought to keep it out of the way for a little while. Mini-Missingno don't eat, but they have a rotten sense of humor.

Also, welcome and kudos for doing the required reading! Here's a spare squeeze bottle (perfect for storing potions), three bottles of Bleeprin (trust me, you'll need them), and some delicious popcorn! :D

Welcome aBoard from a fellow two-years lurker! Have a... Well, it looks like a big snow globe, but it's actually a near-perfect model of the Earth. Long story. It generates its own gravity, but you might want to avoid shaking it just in case.

Here's your starter Pokémon!

Iiiiiit's Weepinbell!

And your starting item is:-


The Back-Up from Risk Of Rain!

Now, the problem with getting an NFE mon like Weepinbell is that whatever item you get probably isn't going to be as good as Eviolite. This doesn't mean that The Back-Up isn't a good item - providing a +33% damage boost to non-contact moves is pretty nice - and actually? Weepinbell can use it. Get a Modest one with the ability Chlorophyll, Super Train it in Special Attack and Speed, and you have quite the powerhouse, because if you can get Sunlight up then it's pretty much the only Grass-type with decent Fire-type coverage (courtesy of Weather Ball). Yes, Weepinbell gets Weather Ball. Surprised me as well. =]

Here, have some Ion Trail in a Jar

Here, have one of my own shed feathers - and because you said you like LoTR, here's a vest made from mithril mail and a vial of Shelob's venom!

*Optional!Hugs, if you like those.*

Pleasure to make your acquaintance. :)

Have an urple ocarina, and glad to have you in the PPC!

Yay, another Lord of the Rings fan! Who's your favorite character?

-Alleb

I see Doctor Who, I see The Dresden Files... Yeah, I'm sold.

In that case - welcome! Here, have a head that's always screaming

I'm glad you like Agent!Des! Which reminds me: You are a Boarder, not an Agent.
That said, here, have this cup of confused Lapsang Souchong tea. It's not sure whether it smells like a campfire or not, so be gentle with it, aright?

Wel come aboard!

Have a chemlight battery.

(And I highly suggest checking out the wiki, but I suspect you've also done already!)

It will automatically turn into your favorite type! Welcome aboard!

Hello, and welcome aBoard! For your newbie gift, take this plate of freshly-made SPaGhetti!

Since you've already read the Original Series, I hope I can assume you've read the Constitution as well?

And heh, glad to know you've been so entertained.

Hope you like it here!