Looks like a good start

OT: Non-PPC Story Plug! by Iximaz on 2015-08-26 01:57:00 UTC Reply

So, as some of you might know, I play Dungeons and Dragons, and until a few weeks ago, my gaming group met regularly for over six years. I finally decided to start chronicling our adventures in narrative format, the first bit of which can be seen here.

I don't know if this'll ever be completed, but it would be pretty cool if it was. ^^; Enjoy!

Looks like a good start by Hieronymus Graubart on 2015-08-26 10:22:00 UTC Reply

But technically, it can be improved:

Outside the walls, waiting by the north gate, a lone halfling pulled the cowl of his tattered, dark green green cloak further over his head, shivering slightly in the chill.
That’s very green.

After taking a moment to ask one of the guards for directions, the halfling set off for the district of Old Smoke.
After about ten minutes, he stopped, looking closely at a squat, two-story building with cracked and boarded windows. Through the grime-smeared glass, he could see silhouettes moving about.
Two consecutive sentences beginning with "After" took me out of the mood and the story. Why not "About ten minutes later"?

When he saw who was sitting at the table pushed away in the corner, he stopped, trying not to gape. Two people were sitting there: ...
Not as obvious as the above, but still slightly irritating.

he shrugged it off and returned the handshake.
"He" should be capitalized.

Aramarth continuted.
What did he do?

I would like to see more of this.

HG

Ach, thank you! by Iximaz on 2015-08-26 12:46:00 UTC Reply

...How do the double words keep happening? :/

Anyway, they're all fixed up now. Thanks again, and I'm glad you liked it!

Someone'd better keep an eye on that fourth wall. by Huinesoron on 2015-08-26 08:46:00 UTC Reply

It looks like it might be in danger if Garret hangs around much longer. ^_^

I find the shardmind really interesting. Is it humanoid? I'm getting 'floating serpent' vibes off it for some reason, though that's obviously not right as it has a sword and shield.

hS

Garret's a rogue. by Iximaz on 2015-08-26 12:51:00 UTC Reply

He only obeys the (Narrative) Laws when he feels like it. :P

As for what the shardmind looks like...

I drew this about four years ago, so it's not as good as it could be. ^^; I had no idea how to draw armor back then ~~and I still don't~~ so I just went with the weird gauzy cloth thing the Player's Handbook was showing.

(The friend who played him has also requested I make sure everyone knows it's pronounced Arr-ah-more. He's very particular about that. :P)

D'aww, it looks kind of tragic. by Huinesoron on 2015-08-26 13:29:00 UTC Reply

I think it's a combination of the large head relative to the body (especially the limbs) and the fact that the way the left arm crosses the hip looks like... you know that pose where one arm goes straight down, and the other one wraps across your chest to hold the elbow? It looks like that.

(I like the strong 'diagonal' feel to the picture: the robe-thing goes one way, the shoulder-hump makes a line with the hip-flare, the face is angled on both sides, the shield has a diagonal with the yellow symbols. It sort of breaks down with the sword and arm - maybe if the arm was bent further, so the forearm made a diagonal to the upper chest? I'unno, I Am Not An Art.)

hS rambles

Shardmind appearance by Tira on 2015-08-26 11:50:00 UTC Reply

Google says that shardminds look like this. So beings made out of crystals, basically.
I pictured the shardmind... by Pippa's Ghost on 2015-08-26 11:03:00 UTC Reply

as a male version of Inspector Blue from The Dragon Doctors.