Subject: "Right." Jeeves breathed deeply.
Author:
Posted on: 2012-12-04 07:01:00 UTC
"And this also has been one of the dark places of the earth," he ventured, putting a pillow at the ready in case the troll got incensed. "When the Romans first came here, nineteen hundred years ago - the other day -"
He was silenced by a pillow.
(dammit hS, you beat me to the punch for an RP starter. Oh well, this one is more... lighthearted?)
It started with a flying pillow. No one knew who threw it, only that it seemed to have come out of nowhere and hit Agent Christianne Shieh right in the back of the head as she was exiting Rudi's Pub.
Exactly who would bring a pillow to a pub was entirely beyond anyone, really, but what made even less sense was how Christianne oh-so-conveniently had a pillow on hand, and whirled around to chuck the feather-bomb back into the pub.
Feather-bomb was accurate, for her pillow exploded right over Spy Rooney from the Department of Intelligence. The ex-Metropolitan Police officer wiped the down from his brows, grabbed another pillow - was the pub suddenly fuelled by pillow-filled plotholes, or something? - and shouted:
"Oh, you had it coming!"
And thus began the 2012 All-HQ Extra-Vicious Pillow Fight.
Taldaris heaved a sigh of relief as the elleth struck down the pillow. Yet another daily reminder that not having access to his psychic powers was a major hinderance to his life.
"It appears that I am in your debt," he said, looking somewhat flustered. He was going to have words with Fire Flash when the pillow fight was over.
He stood there awkwardly for a couple of seconds before extending his hand to the Assassin. "Forgive my manners. I am Patrol Officer Taldaris. And you?"
turned to the High Templar with a half-smile. "Eledhwen Elerossiel," she replied, shaking his hand. "Ni veren an gi ngovaned."
((translation: I am happy to meet you))
"I'm sorry, but I couldn't help but overhearing that you needed to locate a particularly troublesome mini. Would you mind if I came along? I would do anything to leave this chaos behind," he said, waving a hand at the writing mass behind him. "Besides, I think my partner has this covered, for once."
"Yes, please help," Caroline plead. "We could really use it. Flutteryshy doesn't like having people interfere with his fun."
"Psychotic little monster," Veralyn growled, stroking her urple-skinned arm woefully.
---
The Cafeteria was beginning to sound like a minefield, what with all the bean bag chairs Flutteryshy was now dropping on the hapless agents. Still, he was becoming bored. And bored was not good.
This in mind, the mini-Discord popped out of the Cafeteria and headed off in search of someplace quiet to send into an uproar.
"And what might be species of the mini in question? Does its bite cause that?" he asked, pointing at Veralyn's arm. "If so, might I suggest heading to Medical to get the injury checked out?"
"As far as we've seen, he doesn't bite - he's just a mini spirit of chaos, so he likes playing little pranks."
"This is not little," Veralyn snapped. "I look like a giant urple berry! I swear on the Light, when I get my hands on that little abomination, I'll turn him into a scarf."
"That'd be an ugly scarf," Caroline teased.
"No uglier than the ones you own," Veralyn retorted.
---
The Canon Library was in an uproar. Books had been stacked against tables and desks to create shelters from the flying pillows and stuffed animals.
Feeling a bit tuckered out, Flutteryshy curled up atop a bookshelf and closed his eyes for a bit of a nap.
the five of them had appeared in front of the entry to the Cafeteria.
Eledhwen opened the door only to narrowly miss being hit in the face with a pillow. "Rhiach!" she cursed, slamming the door shut. "The pillow fight has followed us!"
"We'll have to brave it," the teenager figured glumly. "This smells too much like a mini-Discord."
"Wonderful," Veralyn chirped. "Thank you for volunteering."
Grabbing the back of her partner's shirt, the urple blood elf opened the Cafeteria door, tossed Caroline through, and slammed the door shut again with a satisfied smirk on her face.
...picking Caroline off the floor as he walked past her.
I don't see your mini anywhere," said Taldaris, "but judging by the mess it was definitely here. Where else could it have gone? Is there any place where-- AUUGH!"
The protoss let out a shrill telepathic shriek as a little blob of grey food hopped onto his leg, squeaking: "Gimme your wallet!"
Taldaris ripped the blob off of his leg and ground it under a metallic boot. "I thought we killed off the last of you a year ago! Die, die, diediediediediediedie..."
He stopped as he noticed the rest of the group exchanging looks. He lifted his boot off of the now-dispersed puddle of animated foodstuff and tried to look as dignified as possible. "What are you looking at?"
"Medical, maybe," she guessed. "Uhm... Are there any other spots with lots of people? Or where chaos would be least-expected?"
Veralyn frowned at the mushy thing that had attempted to mug Taldaris. "What was that?" she asked, wrinkling her nose in disgust.
"Yes, leave more mess for me; feathers are everywhere and there's sentient food attacking everyone I need the broom where's the broom -"
"No," Christianne growled, restraining her partner. "You are not going cleaner-bot on me."
"THE WORLD'S A MESS, AND I NEED TO CLEAN IT!" sobbed the elleth.
Caroline seemed a little too gung-ho about the idea, so Veralyn grabbed her by a shoulder and growled, "No, Caroline. We need to find the mini aberration right now."
As Caroline sulked, Veralyn turned to Taldaris and said, "I've heard this place has some sort of childcare center. Flutteryshy might have gone there, or to Medical."
"The Library," Caroline offered.
"That would be idiotic," Veralyn silenced her partner dismissively. Turning back to Taldaris, she continued, "Anywhere people are easy to rile up, anywhere he can make everyone's lives miserable, he'll be there, doing this." And she jerked a thumb at the Cafeteria, just as a nearby table fort collapsed on top of several agents. "Any ideas what those places might be?"
"They are a filthy, evil creation born out of the terrible, terrible things that breed in the Cafeteria cauldrons," said Taldaris. "They mobbed agents at the holiday party last year. We had to spend an entire week hunting them down in the corners of HQ."
Just then, a there was a fluttering of wings and a yellow blur whizzed past Taldaris. The blur, now identifiable as a green-maned yellow pegasus, steered its way back to the protoss and started talking quickly as it hovered in front of his face: "Taldaris! Taldaris! You gotta come quick! There's a mini-Discord loose in the Canon Library and... and..." The pony stopped talking as she looked at the agents behind the DIA agent.
"Clam down, Cloudsweeper. The Canon Library, you say? Well, we'll be there, just..." but the filly wasn't listening anymore: she had landed next to Caroline and Veralyn was was looking at them with an awed expression.
"Are you Caroline and Veralyn of DMS? It's me, Aurora Dawn! Do you remember me?" she asked.
(( I believe it's time for my agents to actually do something. It's either that or study for finals. I don't want to study for finals ))
Agent Peregrin was walking through the corridors of HQ, chanting quietly to avoid focusing on where he was headed. Though he was attempting to forget the fact, Peregrin was going to DoSAT to get his new partner a CAD. Sometime during his journey, Peregrin wandered by Rudi's Pub. Unfortunately for Peregrin, he passed by the pub during the Great Pillow Fight of Whenever-It-Was.
A large, fluffy, feathered pillow flew out the now-open door of Rudi's, and sailed straight at Peregrin. Peregrin saw the pillow coming out the door and stopped, somewhat surprised that a pillow was flying out of a bar. If Peregrin had kept walking, he would have gone straight into the path of the pillow and been knocked down.
Peregrin looked around and waited to see if anyone was going to come out of the bar to claim the pillow. When no one come, he picked up the pillow and went up to the door of the pub and knocked on the open door to announce himself. The other patrons barely noticed the old-looking man in what looked like a black monk's robe with a DMS flashpatch sewn on. Peregrin, when he realized could not be heard over the chaos of drunk, very drunk, and sober agents pillow fighting, began to speak in the manner of a professor teaching a somewhat large class, "Excuse me! Excuse me! This pillow flew out of this room approximately two minutes ago. To whom should I return it?"
Spy Rooney, who by now had recovered from his knock-out tripping-over-thing session and was a bit red-faced to boot, picked himself up from the mess of feathers around him and beamed at Agent Peregrin. The middle-aged Spy beamed at him, waving a giant body pillow.
"It's the All-HQ Extra-Vicious Pillowfight! Come on, come in!"
Peregrin replied to the Spy, "and I must be going. I am attempting to—"
Peregrin's explanation was interrupted by a pillow thrown at him from a distant part of the room, which hit Peregrin in the chest and bounced off and landed on the ground. Peregrin turned around and began to leave the doorway. Before he could get very far, however, he was hit in the back of the head with a large, overstuffed feather pillow.
Peregrin turned around and saw the smirking agent who had thrown that pillow at him. Peregrin walked toward the agent and told him, "That attack was unacceptable behavior." The agent responded by throwing a small pillow at Peregrin lightheartedly and running away into the crowd. Peregrin barely dodged the pillow, which hit someone behind him.
Peregrin then realized that he had no choice but to participate in the fight, thanks in part to the Narrative Laws. So, he quickly removed his sphere from the backpack he was wearing, formed it in to a large, dense, oval shield, held it in front of him, and walked into Rudi's.
(( Note: "Sphere" is a word that's overloaded with a different meaning in Peregrin's home continuum, Anathem Also, where are the bartenders and other staff up to during all this? ))
Caroline shrieked gleefully and knelt down to hug the pegasus as happy tears started to flow.
"Aurora!" the teenager squealed as she pulled away. "Ah, my goo'ness! How are you? What department are you in? How's Orion? Where's your RC? Do you have an RC? When--?"
"Breathe, human," Veralyn ordered, though she was grinning, too. "She can only answer so many questions at a time!" She tilted her head and asked Taldaris, "Did you call her Cloudsweeper?"
"She decided to change her name shortly after leaving the Factory. She said that she wanted to and I quote: 'Sever all ties with that piece of rubbish'. Fire Flash and I... adopted her."
The Templar shifted a bit and narrowed the telepathic link so he only addressed Veralyn. "But to tell you the truth I was the one pushing for adoption. I am five hundred and forty-seven Terran years old, I am no longer an active part of my home continuum, and I wanted to settle down. Besides, Fire Flash needs something like a little sister to talk to when I am busy meditating."
Meanwhile, Cloudsweeper was catching up with Caroline on recent events. "Heh, no, I don't work for the PPC. I just look around and I just can't imagine myself going out there and... fighting stuff. I'm just going to school and helping the nice ladies out at the Nursery when I have some free time. Which reminds me, I still have to meet the Spy who went into the Factory first. I gotta give him a little gift," said the pegasus filly as she sat down on a nearby pillow and pulled a blue silk bowtie from her saddlebags. "See? Fire Flash told me that bowties are cool so I picked one up the last time I went to New Caledonia. ...Where was I? Oh, yes. Orion's doing fine, by the way. He's still waiting for someone to pick him up but he says it's all right. He's really eager about returning to Ponyville for the holidays. I think he's still got a crush on Scoots... So, how's your life? Anything interesting?"
"Makes sense," she murmured. Though she didn't admit it to Caroline, the blood elf still suffered flashbacks from their chaotic first mission, and right blame Cloudsweeper in the least for being so eager to sever her ties to that... thing.
"So you and Fire Flash adopted her, huh?" Veralyn asked. "You realize Caroline might come over for visits the minute she finds out."
"Orion still hasn't been taken in?" Caroline demanded indignantly, drawing Veralyn's attention back to the reunion as her partner turned to exclaim, "No one's taken Orion in!"
"Someone will," Veralyn assured the teen. Yet even as she spoke, the sin'dorei had a sneaking suspicion she knew what would come out of Caroline's mouth next.
Sure enough: "We can take him! We'll kick out a wall, make our RC bigger! We can adopt him or sommat!"
"Caroline..."
"Please, Veralyn," Caroline begged, turning on the Bambi Face and letting her lower lip quiver. "It won't be like having another mini, and if he doesn't want to be an agent he can look after Firebrand and Fluttershy while we're off on missions. Please."
Veralyn was a tough she-elf. She had seen cuter things than Caroline's Bambi Face - and killed and eaten them. But none of those cute things had ever suffered a near-mental breakdown destroying a murderous Replacement!Sue to save a continuum full of adorable, innocent cartoon ponies.
And... ugh. Veralyn did still feel as though she owed the girl for helping her survive the demon wounds and taking her and Firebrand willingly into her home.
"We'll see," Veralyn finally promised. "For now, it sounds like our missing mini is trashing a library. Why don't we put this on the back fire for now, and focus on getting the mini under control?"
"Back burner - and thankies!" Caroline squealed, jumping up and hugging Veralyn before remembering the many knives the woman was varying on her person and stepping back with an apologetic smile.
"My deepest apologies for disrupting the reunion, but the mini-Discord will not wait for us," she announced, shifting uncomfortably from one foot to the other.
"Right!" Caroline chirped, snapping a quick salute before turning to Aur-- Cloudsweeper. "The Canon Library, you said? Funny, I just had someone tell me that was a silly place to look for him."
"Grace is a wonderful thing to possess," Veralyn retorted pointedly. "Shall we be off?"
"Yes, let's. Before that mini escapes and wreaks havoc Upstairs or something." Christianne grimaced at the thought, seized her partner by the wrist, and dragged them away.
Veralyn trotted after her partner, her mind buzzing with how she and Caroline were going to take care of a pony.
---
Meanwhile, the Canon Library was in a state of emergency. Pillows were turning into books mid-flight. Tables and desks were turning into easy-melt chocolate. The floor had turned into swampy mud in some places, while in others it now resembled gravel or puddles of melted bar soap.
The agents here had largely begun to settle down, which of course was beginning to make the Library very boring. With an evil chuckle, the mini-Discord disappeared again, his sights set this time on Medical.
When they arrived at the Canon Library, Eledhwen took one look at the chocolate and mud disaster that had once been a functional library, and fainted dead away.
"Ellie!" shrieked Christianne, kneeling down by her partner and lightly patting her cheeks. "Ellie! Jesus Christ on a stick, Ellie, are you all right?"
Eledhwen, of course, couldn't respond - but it was as if her very unconscious expression seemed to be saying 'Do I look all right to you?'
Christianne groaned. "If you guys don't mind, I'll be going to Medical to get her some smelling salts or something..." she said,
...sweeping her partner up in her arms. "I'll let you know if I find the mini there," she added, before heading off in a random direction.
...as the group marched out of the Cafeteria. "We're six people on our way to stop the personnification of chaos itself. It's like what happened in canon, but... whackier."
"You'll never see a group like this welding the Elements of Harmony! Although," she added thoughtfully, "there are six of us..."
"Human..." Veralyn warned.
"Veralyn, I bet you'd have the element of Honesty," Caroline said, speaking over her partner. "I'd probably be Laughter, Cloudsweeper would definitely be Kindness - or maybe Loya--"
At that moment the six passed Medical by sheer chance - just in time to hear an evil cackle and a terrified shriek from within.
"He's in Medical," Caroline groaned. "Oh, we won't be allowed to keep him after this..."
"Come on!" Veralyn snapped, charging inside and leaving everyone else to follow.
"Out! Out, you little bugger!" shouted the dark-skinned Nurse as he swatted at the mini-Discord that was wreaking havoc in every ward except the one in which the Rookie Agents Scott and Kira were recuperating. That one had been deadbolted, and Nurse Hearth had his eye on the Ironic Overpower.
The doors to Medical swung open and Christianne and Eledhwen entered - or rather, Christianne entered carrying Eledhwen.
"Smelling salts, Nurse!" shouted Christianne, depositing Eledhwen on a hospital bed only for the elleth to get bombarded with chocolate syrup. This attack had the twofold reaction of violently reviving Eledhwen, and of causing her to scream blue murder at the mayhem around her.
"SONOFABITCHWHATTHETENHELLSISTHATOHGOD!"
This trembling string of incendiary remarks cane from bone other than Kira the pyromancer, who was wielding a great ball of... Ice?
But it was fire a second ago-
"AARGH!"
Scott found himself unwittingly turned into Shadow Priest form... With an Aura of Dark Pillows.
Oh, could life get anymore terrible for the rookies?
And just like that, the Ironic Overpower was tempted.
...tossing pillows at Scott, freezing Kira to the floor, and blinding anyone who tried to catch him with clouds of High Pink dust that gave them a terrible fit of the sneezes.
Unknown Nurse Hearth, Flutteryshy was quite friendly with the Ironic Overpower - they were bros. They might as well have gone to college together. Evil Comedy College.
Deadbolts? Nope, those were now exploding chocolate bunnies. Walls? Totally made of cotton candy. Veralyn's bow and arrow--
Flutteryshy froze, crossing his eyes to look at the arrowhead the urple elf aimed at his head.
"Give. Me back. My skin color," she growled.
Flutteryshy grinned, went to snap his eagle talon--
--and was immediately tackled to the ground by a kamikaze teenager shrieking "FOR THA HORDE!"
After another moment of struggling, Caroline managed to bop Flutteryshy on the head, rendering him unconscious and therefore causing all of his glorious chaos to disappear with a *pop*.
"Oh my god," Caroline gasped, staggering to her feet and draping the mini-Discord over her shoulders. "We need to get him de-chaos'd. Seriously."
Kira twitched involuntarily, despite having miraculously thawed, and Scott was on the floor, rocking to and fro with disturbed whimpers.
FicPsych sounded like a blessing at this point.
"Sending these two rookies to FicPsych soon..." he muttered, striding off to fill out the necessary paperwork.
As they slowly began to recover, the two rookie agents cast terrified glances at each other.
"If you ever take me to that damn pub again, I will roast you on a spit," Kira whimpered at Scott.
"If you ever challenge me to a pillow fight, I will torment your soul," Scott fired back.
She was still trying to wipe what was now magically nonexistent chocolate syrup from her brow with a sickened expression on her face. "My sanity would love you forever if you do."
"We need mini-Discord-proof deadbolts," declared Nurse Hearth snippily as he reentered the room to check on Scott and Kira. "Boys, you doing all right?"
asked Taldaris. "You might as well try to pump the Glitter out of a Sue."
"But there must be something we can do to prevent something like this from happening again."
"Provided the talking flowers let us keep it after this," Veralyn snorted.
There was a slamming noise out in the hallway; Caroline poked her head out in time to get a faceful of feathers. Spitting the fluffy stuff out, she looked back at the others and reported, "The pillow fights are still raging - and they've reached Medical."
"Actually, didn't you know the DMSE&R are working on a Personality Dialysis procedure to pump Glitter out of a Sue? They did it to this one girl who overdosed on Aura of Smooth; she was normal pretty soon."
"My patrol route-- and yes, it does exist in HQ-- doesn't bring me anywhere the laboratories. I will have to go down there one of these days to satisfy my curiosity."
The sound of shouting and pillow-fighting wafted in from outside. The High Templar and his adopted daughter walked over to the doors, where the crowd was being held back by a familiar Earth pony.
"Hey, Back off you lot. There's patients in here that don't need your ruckus." Fire Flash turned to Taldaris. "And where in Celestia's name have you been? Come on, stand here, Lunkhead. Help me keep this entrance secure."
Taldaris turned to the rest of the group. "It has been... an enjoyable experience. I'm afraid duty calls for now. May we meet again," he said as he and Cloudsweeper and took up position next to Fire Flash.
"We'll just mosey back to our RC, no need to blurt out our existence for the world to hear," agreed Christianne.
This was quickly foiled by the Ironic Overpower and a barrage of pillows, but by the time the two of them had waded through the last of the feathers, they were at their RC.
Fortunately, Veralyn was a bit more sensible, and caught her partner by the collar of her shirt before she could charge into the fray.
"No," Veralyn started; she was interrupted by a familiar battle trill and the sound of pillows being set ablaze in the hallway.
"I believe that's Firebrand," Caroline said, taking advantage of her partner's horrified stillness and slipping outside to see what she could see.
Firebrand had taken up a position just outside Medical, and was holding the pillow fighters back by displaying his skill at roasting any pillow that came flying towards him.
Veralyn whistled twice for Firebrand, who coughed one more fireball at a flying teddy bear before he and Caroline followed Veralyn (who was now her proper peach color) through the melee and, eventually, back to their RC, where everyone promptly passed out on their respective beds and slept for a long, long, long, long, long-long-long time.
Exactly fifteen minutes, at the end of which came an evil chuckle from Flutteryshy that woke everyone else up and had them diving for cover before they realized that mini-Discords chuckle in their sleep.
Because I wanted to run an idea by you.
...once more to the hallway where her partner and their newfound allies were. "We should be going to the Cafeteria. Come on, then." Smiling, she strode out of the pub at long last and caught up with her partner, who was trailing behind Agents Veralyn and Caroline, waiting for her.
"Who'd you drag along?" Christianne asked. Eledhwen nodded back at Taldaris, shrugging elegantly.
"A DIA Patrol Officer," she replied. "Taldaris, I believe he's called."
Pubs. Interesting places, full of people, noise, and booze. In other words: places that made Agent Desdendelle sigh, cover his ears, and head toward the nearest exit. Usually. But this day (inasmuch it was a day; the axe-wielding Agent found it hard to tell, in HQ) was special. After all, meeting a bit one had rescued from a terrible badfic, when said bit was supposed to join one on one's next mission, wasn't something that happened every day, was it now?
So Des was sitting in the corner of Rudi's Pub, sipping Japanese plum liqueur from a small porcelain cup and watching the person who sat across the table.
That person was tall, dark-haired, and bulky. He wore simple, utilitarian clothes, and looked like you could lose him in a crowd in no time – in short, he looked Generic. What set him apart from the rest of the pub's occupants – as well as from the majority of the Agents in HQ – was the long, black, glaive-like Device that stood leaning on the wall within his reach.
“So, Captain,” Des said, “I understand you specialise in portal magic.”
“Yes, sir,” the bit answered. “I do not have many memories of actually using my skills for combat, but my instructors told me that I have great potential.”
“Navare, please,” the boy across the table from the Nanoha-verse mage said exasperatedly, “stop calling me sir. It's embarrassing.”
Then someone threw a pillow in their general direction. Acting on instinct, Des slashed the pillow in half with his axe, then immediately started to sneeze.
“Bless you,” said Navare and turned. Right in time to get a pillow straight to the face. The mage rocked back for a moment, picked it up, and launched it back toward the person who threw it, putting a little too much force behind the throw.
The thrown pillow missed it's target, rocketed out the door, hit a wall and bounced off it. It hit at an angle, which caused it to travel all the way down the hall. All the way down to the corner. That Agent Sylvia just happened to be turning right that very instant.
FWUMP!
"Gahh!" Sylvia whipped out her Deathclaw Gauntlet and slashed, but the fluffy assailant had already fallen to the ground. The agent stared at it for a few seconds. When it had shown no signs of life, she figured it was just a normal pillow that someone had thrown at her.
Except that there was no one else in the hallway. And considering that her bosses were talking flowers, it really wasn't that far fetched that a pillow could gain sentience and attack her, was it?
Sylvia cautiously poked it with her boot. The pillow sat there. She reached down and picked it up with her left hand. The agent looked around for any possible source of the thing, but only saw an open door on the other end of the hallway.
"Huh."
Just then, something crashed into her from behind. As she was falling, Sylvia twisted around, the pillow slipping from her grasp and rocketing off to find another target.
Said pillow finished its rocketing by flumping into Agent Jack's face.
"Arglmrff!" The Hunter toppled from his perch on the stool (and he was perching, crouched on his feet and everything) like a dropped fawn.
The ferret sitting next to him sighed deeply, finished her October Ale with a single impressive gulp, and tossed the tankard over her shoulder. Then, leaning down with a flexibility only mastered by a mustelid, she grasped her Infected friend by the hood and slid over and behind the counter. The zombie wailed as he was dragged along with her to the barely-cleaned floor. Both braced themselves for an uncomfortable landing.
Kestrel let out a surprised squeak that she would later deny when they fell upon a pillow-lined floor.
Musteline teeth flashed in a daring grin, and the ferret briefly broke cover to launch a pillow over the counter.
"Fer-ah-go! Fer-ah-go! Kill! Kill! Kill!"
She'd only left the pub to use the facilities and now she was looking at the start of what would probably be a long and arduous clean-up.
"Fer-ah-go! Fer-ah-go! Kill! Kill! Kill!"
Eledhwen ducked the pillow heading straight for her, and it flew right at her partner, who had been duelling with Spy Rooney - except instead of swords, the two were wielding full-length body pillows.
"Ellie! There you are! Come and hel-PARRRRGH!" Christianne spat out a mouthful of feathers as the pillow hit her on the mouth. She spun around, seeing signs of movement behind the counter, and aimed a pillow for the bar.
"All I wanted was a drink. Just a small drink. Not even a 'drink so much you forget your own name in the morning' drink. I didn't even need Bleepka, just something to get me slightly tipsy. I did not want a pillow fight."
"I don't think anyone did, Kaylin." Will said from behind the upturned table next to her own, "And by the way, I blame you for bringing me into this mess."
"You didn't object!" She almost shrieked as a pillow exploded above her head. "Can't you do something? You know, magic? You're a wizard, aren't you?"
"Oh, yeah, my wand." His expression implied that he had forgotten its existence. "Protego."
Kaylin stood up from behind her table outpost, confident in Will's ability. She scooped up a nearby Pillow Pet in the shape of a dragon and hurled it into the crowd as an attempt to take revenge on the person who started the mess. This act was rewarded with three different pillows to the face.
"Will!" He shrugged at her from behind his silvery shield.
"I never said I would be protecting you." He tossed another pillow in her direction, which she caught and tried to return. It bounced off the shield harmlessly.
Much like Agents Kaylin and Will, the sole purpose of Agents Nothing and Ivy's trip to Rudi's pub was to get a drink, a somewhat celebratory affair commemorating the end of a particularly long mission. Unfortunately for them the peaceful drink they desired was not to be.
"Oh God, what now." were the first words that escaped Nothing's mouth as she laid her eyes on the pillowy chaos before her "Can't I ever, just once in my life, have a nice moment of peace and quiet? Is that too much to ask?"
"Oh cheer up No!" Ivy said cheerfully as she plucked a bear-shaped Pillow Pet up off of the floor "I'm sure it's all just for fun, I mean you really can't do much harm with pillows, can you?"
Agent Ivy was then proven wrong when a pillow traveling at high speeds smacked her in the side of the head.
"Who just signed themselves up to die?!" she demanded, fire burning in her gray eyes as she turned a full circle looking for the culprit.
Will shouted to the agent that had felt the wrath of Kaylin's cylindrical pillow. He was sure that if Kaylin could see him behind his table and charm, she would be ready to rip his head off for betraying her. She was ready to do that on a normal basis.
She didn't have any idea who Kaylin was, but she had a feeling that it might be the blonde girl who was currently glaring at the source of the voice, a boy hiding behind a Potterverse shield charm. Grinning in a way that would have been described by most as "feral" she whipped the pillow she was holding at the head of the person that she supposed was Kaylin.
This time though, it was in the back of the head, a brutal blow compared to the others. She was conflicted as to whether she should go after Will, for ratting her out and betraying her, or the girl who was currently doing a victory dance after seeing her shot connect. She decided that the girl would probably do more harm, and sent a nearby scented pillow towards her and her partner. She then rolled under the table to where Will was camping out and glared at him. He just grinned back.
Ivy's victory dance was rudely interrupted by a scented pillow connecting to her gut. She fell over dramatically, almost knocking Agent Nothing over in the process. The brown haired agent looked down at her partner on the floor with a face that clearly expressed that she was not amused.
"Right then." she said as she prodded Ivy's mass of long white hair with her foot. "If you're going to get yourself all tangled up in this mess, I'm going to go take a nap." She grabbed a large down feather pillow off of a nearby table and settled herself down on a gigantic cushion in the corner of the room.
Ivy got up off of the floor, brushing dust, feathers, and who knows what else off of her long black skirt.
"Spoilsport!" she said, sticking her tongue out in Nothing's direction. She lobbed the scented pillow back in the direction it had come from and then picked up a long, tube-shaped pillow off of the floor in order to engage her combatant in close quarters.
Will exclaimed, as the scented pillow somehow managed to find an opening in his shield and hit him on top of the head. Kaylin, meanwhile, had picked up a large body pillow and was charging at the white haired agent who wielded a similar weapon.
"Go Kaylin!" he shouted from his relatively safe spot. The two agents seemed to be using the pillows as swords, whacking each other with them while the other agent's partner somehow fell asleep amidst the chaos.
Spy Rooney emerged from the feathery mess with the dragon Pillow Pet trying to gnaw at his head, having somehow come alive in the process.
"Oi, you! Wizard! This is all your fault!" he shouted, aiming one of those cylindrical pillow-things at the two behind the Shield Charm.
Will shouts as he drops to the floor, letting Kaylin take the hit once again.
"What's the point of conjuring a Shield Charm if a pillow can come over the top of it?" she said through a face full of fluff, "And let me behind there, you owe me for last week."
"I owe you nothing and I am not compromising myself to let you in. The charm is weaker if it stretches. Why don't you go find the people who threw pillows at you and enact your vengeance instead." He had resumed his position behind the upturned table, shield surrounding him on almost all sides.
"Ass." she replied, and she threw the cylindrical pillow back in the general direction from which it had come.
Kestrel, unfortunately, took that opportunity to poke her head up over the counter and received Christianne's missile square in the muzzle. "Grawffff! Hellsteeth an' Darkgates, ye'll pay fer that!" She crouched down, turning back to the cowering hunter. "Awright, Jack. I has a job fer yew. Fink yore up to it, cully?"
The Hunter nodded vigorously, looking lost without his partner. "Okay."
From her pocket, the ferret produced a small roll of duct tape (not just the handyman's secret weapon, apparently) and set about strapping pillows to the Hunter's hands. After a moment's consideration, she strapped one lightly over his face, as well, loose enough so that he would be able to breathe. "Awright, then, do yore fing!"
With an exuberant hunting shriek, Jack dove over the counter and pillow-pounced the nearest victim.
"Bring that stupid thing back here so I can kill it!" a very urple-y Agent Veralyn Amberwing shrieked as she charged after her fleeing partner.
"Like hell I will!" Agent Caroline Moor shouted over her shoulder. In her arms she cradled a cackling Flutteryshy, who was responsible for the urple shade of Veralyn's skin. "He's a mini spirit of chaos, what do you exp--"
At that exact moment another pillow came zooming down the hallway, just in time for Caroline to round a corner and get beaned in the face with it. The force of the blow knocked Caroline several feet back, which of course resulted in the hapless teenager colliding with her enraged urple partner in a spectacular tangle of limbs and multilingual curses. Flutteryshy decided he didn't like being squashed and took to the air, watching gleefully as Veralyn grabbed her pillow and began beating Caroline mercilessly over the head with it.
After a while, though, this became hiring, and so the mini-Discord took pity on Caroline and dropped roughly twenty pillows on the two agents before disappearing to another area of HQ to spread some more pillowy chaos. Left to their own devices, Caroline and a still-urple Veralyn eventually managed to brawl their way into the bar, where they were immediately separated and caught up in a storm of pillowy rage.
"How's the Suemonella cultures?" asked Scientist Bill Fallis, leaning over the counter to peck his wife Lori on the cheek.
"Perfectly fine," replied Lori, running a hand through her red hair. "It's getting a bit late; I'm sure Marley's getting impatient with us, cooped up in the room for so long."
"Marley needs to go," reminded Bill. "He hogs the floorspace and hisses at me whenever I go for a midnight sna-AAA!"
Bill had been quite expediently cut off by the sudden appearance of twenty pillows from nowhere (although there was a cackling noise in the distance as the perpetrator floated away). Lori shrieked, diving across the lab station to save the Petri dish cultures, and only succeeded in kicking one of the pillows straight at Helen Gale, who had just entered with a clipboard.
"Not over here, too!" complained Helen as she pulled the feathers from her eyes.
DTE:
Cyba Zero swayed and promptly fell out of her alcove again - except, to her surprise, she found the usually hard and unrelenting floor was soft and... covered in pillows? She picked herself up and examined one. Definitely a perfectly ordinary pillow. Where had they come from?
She wandered out of her room to quiz Eagrus on the matter, only for a pillow to hit her full in the face.
"Haha! Ambush!" cried Eagrus, battering her over the head with said pillow, while Zouh egged him on. Before Cyba could retaliate, two more pillows hit the back of Eagrus' head, accompanied by the sound of Mess Efekt and Joke giggling. Zouh leapt onto Eagrus' shoulder, ready to deflect any more projectiles.
"Shall we declare an alliance?" suggested Cyba.
"Good plan," agreed Eagrus, and they opened their RC's trapdoor, ready to bomb anybody using the corridor below.
***
DoSAT:
Sigma One smiled. Her redecoration of the ship she had helped commandeer was coming along nicely. Satisfied with the job so far, she cracked off the tops of two more paint-tins (black and green, naturally), and drew her paintbrush ready to commence the next phase.
A large number of pillows suddenly appeared, and evil cackle just preceding them. Sigma looked up. That sounded like a challenge to a cackling contest if ever she heard one. She took a deep breath in... and noticed where the pillows had landed: right in the paint tins, splashing paint everywhere and ruining her hard work.
She screamed instead, and grabbed a paint-covered pillow, determined to catch whoever it was who had cackled. Joke was her top suspect. Time to pay Cyba's RC a visit, and whoever got in the way in between.
***
DMSE&R:
"We will bring order to your chaos," stated Caprt and Captin One of Five, and started towards the mini-Discord.
A moment later, Phi Six came diving out of her sideroom, grabbed both of them by their metal-plated dog-tails, and pulled them both out of range or their intended target.
"Oh no you DON'T!" she scolded them, even as the third mini teleported up to the ceiling, conjured up a pile of pillows and dropped them all over the trio below. Phi chucked one back, missed, and the mini-Discord vanished with a cackle.
"That's it!" decided Phi. "If this is happening to anybody else too, we need backup. Let's go find Cyba and Sigma!"
With that, she put Caprt and Captin on her shoulders, armed herself with pillows in case of further attack, and started off down the corridor.
...to the Cafeteria, where he proceeded to dump roughly one hundred pounds of pillows on the unsuspecting agents gathered there. For added chaos, he then made several pillows fly at random agents, resulting in several being knocked sprawling to the floor.
A pair of DIA officers on patrol nearby received a call on their radio. Fire Flash, a red-and orange maned yellow Earth pony, poked her earpiece with a hooftip to answer.
"Unit five-oh-two here. What's up, Central?"
"We've got a code three-by-ten-by-ladybug-by-concrete going on in Rudi's pub. Get down there and make sure the situation doesn't get out of hand, but just make sure they clean up after themselves. Central out," said the voice over the radio.
Fire Flash looked up to her partner, a towering protoss High Templar. "Central reports a code three-by-"
"Ten-by-ladybug-by-concrete. I can read your thoughts just fine, thank you," replied her partner telepathically.
The mare aimed a half-hearted kick at her partner's digitigrade legs. "Get outta my brain, Lunkhead. And what does that code mean anyways?"
"There is a pilowfight going on in Rudi's. Come along," replied Taldaris, walking to the doors to the pub as he straightened his black robes.
When the duo arrived on the site, the pub was already a battleground of flying pillows and duelling agents. A stray pillow flew into Taldaris' face, who barely flinched as it somehow exploded into a cloud of generic white fluffy feathers.
"I say," said the protoss as he plucked the feathers from his robes. "This is quite a spirited pillow fight, is it not? Fire Flash? Hello?" His partner was nowhere to be seen, but the High Templar was convinced he spied a braided red-orange mane bob up and down in the crowd a few metres away.
The Patrol officer looked from left to right. The entire pub was a writing mass of pillows and feathers. He decided to wait this one out; there was no need to get involved in this.
His opinion on the matter changed quite rapidly as he found himself to be the target of many "stray" pillows and a few whacks at his abdomen. The protoss eventually decided to throw off his inflexible demeanour-- just this once, and hurled a pillow at an elleth.
(Just know in advance, I don't have any agents and made these guys up because it was not express that I couldn't, and I really wasn't in on this. If my post gets deleted, oh well, at least I had fun.)
"Just for freaking once, I would like to go somewhere in this damn building, and NOT get wrapped up in ludicrous-!"
"Give it a rest, Kira!" Agent Scott laughed heartily before being met with a pillow to the side of the head, from goodness-knew-where.
Launched from his chair into the crowd, Scott barreled through some other agents and was promptly beaten by pillows relentlessly. Agent Kira could only watch in shock at the scene.
Another pillow was flying at Kira.
In a flash, Kira snapped his fingers and launched a white-hot spark at the pillow, lighting the cloth head comforter ablaze in midair. Whatever the thing was made of, it had to have been coated with asbestos, as all that came from the effort was a ball of fire exploding in the pyromancer's face, doused by Scott's arm flying up and launching his ale at the poor rookie.
Kira sat up with a blackened face. Somebody was going to due for this, right after he extracted his partner from the dog pile.
The pillow over Jack's face would have obstructed his vision if he'd had any to begin with, and as it was it made smells a bit blurry, but he could still detect the fire nonetheless. Some partially-buried zombie instinct awakened when it died away to smoke; smoke meant Survivors, Survivors meant KILLKILLKILLKILL
The Hunter promptly launched himself at the source of the fire and barrelled into the one who had started it, judging by the smokey smell on him. He hit facepillow-first and proceeded to pummel at the living body with the pillows strapped to his claws.
The pillow, hurled by a protoss High Templar, had exploded quite neatly in her hair. And as everyone knew, you never messed with a Tolkienverse elf's hair if you valued your life.
Or, in this case, if you valued your own hair.
Eledhwen whirled to see the High Templar, rage etched quite comically across her features, and seized a small plush pillow, throwing it straight at him like a dagger.
...and ended up in the path of Eledhwen's pillow, which exploded magnificently and turned Veralyn into an urple-and-white chicken. Shrieking, she whirled around and slammed a random agent's gut with the body pillow she currently wielded.
"Ouf!"
Agent Kyra had just been slammed by yet another pillow, which could have been made of lead for what the pyromancer knew.
Dazed, dizzy and weak in the knees, Kira shakily grabbed Scott's arm and dragged him back towards their table. Once there, Kira kicked it over and ducked as another pillow exploded against the walk behind him.
Scott had a pillow in his mouth, and offered it to Kira. The pyromancer took the offer, and peeked up to throw the pillow.
Instead, one exploded against his face and knocked him out cold.
Scott picked up the pillow instead and hurled it anywhere, hoping nobody saw him move.
and now an extra pillow to the gut. He lashed back at the urple and white walking pile of feathers formerly known as Agent Veralyn, hurling his body pillow straight for her abdomen.
Unfortunately, the time she took to catch her breath left her open to several more pillows to the face and back, and by the time she'd stumbled to safety she was so coated with feathers that all that could be seen of her was one blazing, fel-green eye as she grabbed a throw pillow a charged a woman with dark hair and leaf-shaped ears.
Meanwhile, Caroline had taken dubious cover behind the bar, and was busy hurling small pillows stuffed with scented beads like hand grenades at any agent who came too close.
Scott ducked a bead-filled pillow as it flew over his table, and then flopped into his side and grabbed it back for himself. Between slapping Kira's face to try and wake him, and defending him from pillows, Scott had his hands full.
An elf seemed to be squabbling with another elf, and Scott felt that it would end badly for him if they got too close.
Away went the pillow from his hand!
right when she had emerged from hiding to toss another.
Snarling, she grabbed the offending pillow and flung it back. She didn't recognize the original thrower, but she suspected he was a rookie. She could smell a rookie a mile off.
Crawled over to the wall, and covered her head with her Deathclaw Gauntlet. She peaked around it to try and figure out why people were suddenly hitting each other with pillows.
Sylvia got up, and began swatting the fluffy monsters away from her. Unfortunately, this had the unintended side-effect of her Gauntlet slashing them up, and causing feathers to fly everywhere. This, combined with the volly of pillows being flung back and forth, made it almost impossible for her to see where she was going.
It was only natural that she collided with another agent.
"Hey, do you think you could tell me wha-"
Sylvia promptly got another face full of pillow.
Christianne instead did the even more stupid thing and dove in between Veralyn and Eledhwen's body-pillow duel, dragging her partner away only to get hit right in the face by a small scent-grenade of a beaded pillow.
She looked at the overturned table, at a stray Hunter pummelling the hell out of another Agent - possibly a rookie? Christianne's deductions weren't up to snuff - and at the bar, and perked when she saw another scent-grenade pillow explode as it came into contact with her recent recruit Jeeves, who had overturned another table and was using it as a fort.
She threw a Pillow Pet at the bar and ducked into the table-fort, dragging her partner with her.
...and chucked any pillow she could get her hands on after them, shoving other agents out of the way until someone managed to send her tumbling under everyone's feet with a well-placed body pillow to the shoulders.
Sylvia stumbled backwards and tripped over a blonde agent lying on the ground.
"Sorry! You okay?!" she asked the agent.
...as she dragged herself to her feet. Fortunately getting trampled by several people had cleared her mind a bit, and for the moment she no longer felt the need to hunt down the duo who had managed to escape her.
"I'm fine," Veralyn answered, brushing more feathers from her arms and picking some out of her hair. Turning her one eye on Sylvia, she then asked, "You wouldn't happen to have seen a bespectacled human teenager in paint-splattered jeans and a black t-shirt anywhere, would you?"
No, I don't think so. It's kind of hard to see anything right now." Sylvia brushed some feathers off her Duster with her free hand.
"You wouldn't happen to know what the /hell/ is going on here, would you?"
Veralyn let out an irritable little huff - and then talked Sylvia to the ground just as a large bean bag chair went sailing over their heads.
"We should find some short of shelter," the badly-scarred sin'dorei told her temporary companion.
Spy Rooney had overheard the two. "An extra-vicious pillow fight, obviously! Doesn't take Sherlock Holmes to figure that one out, haha!"
He was quickly silenced by a pillow to the kisser.
"Because I thought it was just a ritual involving fluffy white animals." Sylvia rolled her eyes. "Of course I know it's a pillow fight! I'm asking why!"
She swatted another pillow away with her Gauntlet, and again, the thing exploded into feathers.
"Damnit!" Sylvia hastily put away her weapon.
She then whirled around and began to beat the nearest agent to her with a rather stiff-looking memory foam pillow.
Sylvia got to her feet and helped the blonde agent off the ground.
"By the way, what's your name?"
Ducking another pillow, she asked, "What about you?"
"Hey, is that the person you were looking for?" Sylvia pointed a bit down the hallway, and got hit again with a pillow.
Veralyn squinted in the direction Sylvia had pointed. "Yes, that's her... And that's the she-elf I was fighting earlier," she added with a razor-thin smile. "Excuse me for a moment..."
So saying, she grabbed a pillow and charged at the elleth with a terrifying battle cry, beating off anyone in her way as she went: "SHEE-AAAAAAHLALALALALA!"
"Sheahlalalalala?" Sylvia stared at Veralyn for a second before shrugging and picking up a pillow.
"For Avalon!" Sylvia yelled as she charged after the other agent.
from the brawl that was her versus Agent Veralyn for a moment just in time to see Sylvia aiming a pillow for her head.
"Oh, for the love of Mandos..."
...calling out for his partner. Regulations dictated that DIA units should stick together in all circumstances. He didn't have much luck: the throng of agents kept him from seeing her. He could feel her mind nearby but every time he got closer to it a pillow flew up from near ground level and beaned him in the face. Fire Flash's mind-signature got decidedly giddier every time that happened.
He eventually decided to ask around to see if anyone had seen a overly-excited Earth pony in black armour tossing pillows around. Even if this was the PPC, that would be a singular sight.
Taldaris spotted a Floater agent about to throw a pillow at a DMS woman. With a quick flick of his wrist the Templar snatched the pillow out of the air and gently tapped the would-be victim with a clawed finger.
"Excuse me, agent, but have you seen--" Taldaris started, but stopped. It was that same elleth he had thrown a pillow at a few minutes ago, and he still had a pillow in his hand.
"This looks bad, I know, but..." his mental voice trailed off as the agent turned to face him.
and raised an eyebrow at the Templar. "What can I do for you?" she asked stiffly.
"Yes. I am looking for a little yellow pony, this high," he pointed at his knees, "yellow, and wearing black armour. You wouldn't have happened to see her would you...?"
A pillow exploded into the back of his head again, followed by a bout of laughter.
"And she sounds like that."
searching for the source of the laughter.
"Over there," she said, pointing in the direction of the pool table.
said Taldaris, making his way to the table. "I would like to apologize for the pillow-throwing earlier. I believe that it is my partner's influence--"
Yet another pillow smacked him in the face and something red and orange bolted in between his legs.
"Aw, you're not fun, Taldy! Liven up! Here: I'll help!" Fire Flash yelled and threw a pillow into a nearby blood elf. "He did it!" she said, pointing at her partner and ran away.
before anyone in their 'In Search of the Wayward Mini' group got other ideas.
...Veralyn swung her pillow at the back of Eledhwen's head.
and the pillow managed to hit Christianne instead.
"Oh, is that so? Attacking my partner and now me? You're going down, elfy!" shouted the human, pouncing on Agent Veralyn.
"Ohshi-!"
Scott was cut short as the pillow blasted into his face, sending him through the air head over heels.
Kira sat up groggily as his partner slammed into another take and broke it. A pillow bounced at his feet, and so he picked it up and hurled it randomly, too dazed to think.
...she was immediately beaned in the face with Kira's pillow, and fell back on top of another agent with a groan as stars began to dance around her head cartoonishly.
...or where she was, for that matter. "Aw, come on! We just finished that last-" The intern stopped whining almost as soon as she started, staring bemusedly at Caroline. "Why are you on my chest?" She began to squirm and claw at the ground.
"Get off, you're heavy!"
"Like you're any better."
Cale glared up at the table where her temporary partner was assembling a pillow fort.
"Narciss, why are we here?"
"It looked interesting, I wanted you to come, and you were asleep."
The troll shrugged and crawled inside her makeshift cave. "Now go, defend me!"
"So help me, I will knock your fort down as soon as I am free."
Jack wriggled out from under her, only to pounce on her, straddle her in his normal Hunter killing position, and... well, try to claw at her. If it weren't for the pillows over his hands, he would have succeeded.
...and beating her attacker over the head with it until he tumbled off. She then scrambled to her feet and howled, "Bring it, ya limp noodle! I've got a pillow in my hands and it's a good day to very feathered, so come on!"
Christianne saw a bespectacled human teenager in paint-splattered jeans and a black t-shirt tackle the clawing Hunter who was, thankfully, incapacitated with pillows.
Deciding to help a buddy out, she hurled another Pillow Pet at the Hunter.
Narciss held her head in disbelief. "The pillows are for fighting with! Stain them with the blood of your enemies!"
"No, it's a pillow pet! I am surrounded by fluffy, warm items for sleep!" She held the pillow close. "I already named it, so-"
Narciss grabbed the pillow, prompting Cale to wail, "No! Give me back Squiddle!"
The troll handed it back to Christianne. "Next time you throw, avoid her."
Of course, she had not accounted for Cale launching herself at them both.
to hold off Cale to introduce herself to Agent Caroline, but quickly gave up on restraining the intern and settled instead for seizing Squiddle from the troll and handing it back to Cale.
"You could have some practice with your aim," she suggested, shoving Cale out of the cover of the table-fort. "Go on!"
"You aren't three sweeps old, you know," Narciss called after her. She looked down at the pillows surrounding her. She still didn't understand human military training. The projectiles had minimal risk of injury, and there seemed to be no objective. She shrugged, picked up a pillow, and let it fly.
... and threw the foam pillow he had recently been clobbered with by Agent Fiona at the grey troll Agent.
Narcis grunted as she plucked the foam from where it had impaled itself on her horn. "Cale, alchemise me a-"
"We don't have alchemiters here!"
"Oh, you have got to be kidding me! Get out of the damn fluff cave and help me!"
"Never!"
Narcis huffed and hefted as many pillows as she could lift, and pushed them out in a volley of directionless artillery.
pegging several other unfortunate Agents in other various places.
However, one of the troll's pillows hit Rooney in the chest and he stumbled back, tripped over several Agents on the ground, and landed squarely on his backside near the table-fort which was no longer very fortified.
"Shit, shit, shit, I am dying!" She flailed, inadvertently flipping pillows off the fort.
Narciss snorted as she witnessed her partner falling into the gigantic mass of pillows, screeching all the while. "You are not dying, for Tolkien's sake. Get up and help me!"
Cale glared and turned up her nose. "No. I am going to do the sensible thing and rebuild my fort under a table this time."
"You could make pillow-arrows at least! Help me, for once!"
"We are way to close to everybody for archery to be a good idea."
"Then push them somewhere else!"
Cale decided at this poit that the best course of action was to run at her partner with a pillow. "Rooney! You shall be avenged!"
Narciss spluttered. "Did you just hit me?"
Cale wilted a bit. "Maybe..."
Narciss let a predatory grin spread across her face. "Then the game is afoot!"
"Back in the fort! Back in the fort! Retreat," Cale called in giddy apprehension. "Christy! Ellie! Someone lend me some backup!"
But Agent Jeeves, who had nearly tripped over Spy Rooney as he hurled pillows at the other Agents still fighting in the pub, heard Cale calling for reinforcements.
"Did someone ask for backup?" asked the ex-Suvian Best Friend as he sauntered over, restraining the sentient Dragon Pillow Pet in his hands.
It was a dragon, a squishy, warmth absorbing object, and Cale could not think of anything she wanted more at that moment. Nevertheless, she tore her eyes from the pillow pet to answer what's-his-face. Was it Jean? She promptly decided that it didn't matter anyway. "Thank you! I will set up the barricade, Terrence will go on offence, and you can distract that horned nutcase." It occurred to Cale for a brief moment that she had been rather brisk, and that the man might take offence. "Terrence is the name of the dragon."
Feeling quite assured that she had tied up all loose ends, Cale began to stack the pillows strategically.
Meanwhile, Narciss appeared to be amassing a small army's worth of pillows; these were then sorted into piles according to their density.
He hadn't expected the intern to remember him from that one fic with that one Mary Sue that got strangled to death by red string.
"I see," he said, dropping Terrence on the top of the barricade. The sentient Pillow Pet started trying to set the surrounding pillows on fire. "How do I go about distracting your partner?"
Cale mused aloud. So I wonder if..." she let her thoughts trail off. "Oh wait! You were the uncle, butler, professor thing!" Cale clapped. "I remembered someone who wasn't an animal! Level up, and this isn't even my final for-" she stopped abrubptly. "Uh, that is to say, nice to see you again. Anyway, you can distract Narcis like this!"
She clambered on top of a table and cleared her throat, "It is a truth universally acknowledged," Narcis' head turned towards Cale with a speed that had to be witnessed to believe.
"Don't you dare, Cale!"
"That a single man in possession of good fortune," the intern continued.
"In Austen's name I will end you!"
"Must be in want of a-" Narciss charged, and Cale let a small sound of aggravation escape, crawling back under her table. She called out a cheerful bout of sarcasm to Jeeves.
"And that is how you taunt a classic literature junkie. That's the end of our class, we're out of time. Next period- How To Appease a Troll 101 (formerly known as Why Introducing Trolls to New Obsessions Only Works in the Short Term)."
"And this also has been one of the dark places of the earth," he ventured, putting a pillow at the ready in case the troll got incensed. "When the Romans first came here, nineteen hundred years ago - the other day -"
He was silenced by a pillow.
Jack would have loved very much to start tearing up the squishy missiles, but again, he had a pillow over his face and two more over his claws. And he was wearing shoes. Today was such an awful day to be wearing shoes. He couldn't even shriek properly, with the pillow muffling any noise he made.
He swiped blindly, and caught someone in the... chin? Maybe?
...and then scrambled towards the woman who had helped distract him, diving under the table with her and an annoyed-seeming elleth.
"Thankies," the teenager panted as she watched the pillow war rage on. "I don't think he would have actually stopped at feathering me. I'm Caroline, by the way - Agent Caroline Moor, DMS. Who you be?" she asked with a grin.
behind their table shelter.
"Intern Cale! Agent Narciss! How did you two end up here?" she beamed at Agent Caroline. "I'm Agent Christianne Shieh, DMS, and this is my partner -" here she shoved lightly at Eledhwen, who was helping Jeeves aim another Pillow Pet at a fleeing Agent. "Eledhwen Elerossiel."
"Gi suilon," replied Eledhwen, not even turning as she watched Jeeves throw his Pillow Pet and hit an Agent wielding a Gauntlet.
"She usually pays more attention to people," Christianne added.
...just as a bean bag chair exploded against the wall directly behind her with a sound not unlike a gun going off.
"Bean bag chairs?" Caroline laughed, during back up and poking at the exploded chair. "Best. Pillow fight. EVER."
"Sweet Eru, the mess!" she cried, pointing to the exploded chair, gesturing to the floating feathers. "I'll be here for a century or two trying to clean it all -"
"Don't," suggested Christianne, pulling her partner into her arms and attempting to shooshpap her. "Shooosh. Pap. Shooooosh. Pap. Don't worry about the mess, Ellie. Shoooooosh..."
...and stuffing them in the remains of the exploded bean bag chair as well as she could manage.
...at Agent Caroline. "Now, tell me, how did all of this happen? I was answering the call of nature when this started, so..."
Caroline grinned and said, "All I know is that my partner was chasing Flutteryshy and me through HQ, trying to murder Flutteryshy for turning her skin urple, and then I got smacked with a pillow and collided with Veralyn." She put a finger to her chin and continued, "Then a bunch of pillows fell on top of us, and then we managed to tumble in here and--"
The agent's eyes suddenly widened with horror as she gasped, "Oh, no! I lost Fluttershy after that first pillow hit me - he must be lose in HQ!"
"After all, it seemed to have disappeared between the pillows appearing and -
She was cut off by a vicious cry of "SHEE-AAAAAAHLALALALALA!" and a blond blur that flew at Eledhwen with urpley-feathered rage. Eledhwen shrieked, toppling onto the ground in an undignified heap, scrabbling and pummelling at her assailant with a nearby pillow.
Then she buried her face in her hands and muttered, "Oh, the various duties that I either worship or believe exist..." before stomping over to the elf-fight and grabbing her partner by the arm.
"Release me!" Veralyn howled, chucking her pillow at Eledhwen's head as she was dragged away. "I was winning, you stupid human!"
"Too bad!" Caroline snapped, dodging her partner's clumsy left hook. "Flutteryshy's loose in HQ, and God only knows what kind of chaos he's causing while we're getting pummeled here!"
"You lost the mini?!" Veralyn demanded. "You idiot! How am I supposed to get rid of this demonic skin color if we can't find it?!"
"I don't know!" Caroline said, kicking a random pillow. "But right now the more important issue is where it's he and what is he up to?" The teenager glanced at Christianne and asked, "If there's no hard feelings over Veralyn going pillow-crazy, would you or Eledhwen be tricky opposed to helping us look? Or anyone else?" she added, raising her voice a bit more over the din.
and looked at her partner, who was distastefully plucking out feathers from her hair as she talked to a DIA agent.
"We can help the two of you find your mini," she said, shrugging and batting away a pillow heading her way from the other side of the room.
The teenager glared at her still slightly-feathered partner and demanded "Do you promise to behave until we get him back?"
"Only if he turns me back to my normal color," Veralyn retorted. "Where do we even start looking for him?"
"Wherever he can cause the most chaos," Caroline answered promptly. She frowned for a moment, then said, "I'm not very well-versed in all the heavily-populated spots here, but I think Medical and the Cafeteria are good places to start. Do you have any ideas?" she asked Christianne.
Several pillows struck her in the back of her head as she reached the exit to the pub, but she paid them no heed.
Christianne ducked a whizzing Pillow Pet (the dragon was actually trying to breathe fire) and looked at the other two agents. "Shall we?" she asked.
"Better not've been," Caroline grumbled as she followed Christiane and Eledhwen out into the somewhat quieter hallway.
One more pillow slammed against Veralyn's back, showing her and Caroline both with feathers before they left the brawl at the Pub behind.
---
Meanwhile, Flutteryshy was still wreaking havoc in the Cafeteria, cackling maniacally as he threw pillows, stuffed animals, and bean bags of all shapes, sizes, and colors (well... all Suvian colors) at the combatants in the room and watching as tables were flipped and stacked to create forts for the numerous alliances that were beginning to form between the more... spirited agents.
Chaos was a truly wonderful thing...
...Kira crawled over to Scott and grabbed him by his collar.
"Screw this bar, I'm getting out of here," Kira groaned as he began to crawl-drag his partner's limp form to the door, hoping not to be caught in the process.
it just wasn't Kira's day, it seems, because Rookie Agent Jeeves chose that moment to launch a barrage of pretty tassel-covered throw pillows at the retreating Kira and Scott.
Kira looked up as shadows descended upon him.
"Aw, cra-"
Kira was buried under pounds and pounds of pillows, the rumbling of which woke Agent Scott with a start.
In a horrified frenzy, Scott tried to dig out his incapacitated partner. He was NOT about to go through the process of getting a new friend partner, damn it!
((Well, here goes nothing.))
Rookie Agent Sketch was sitting by herself at a nearby table, drawing in her notebook. Suddenly, a stray pillow passed in front of her. Sketch looked up from her drawing...And grinned, grabbing the pillow.
"Incoming!" She yelled, aiming for the nearest target.
Scott's date was sealed as a rogue pillow clobbered him in the head and sent him into the side of the doorframe.
The two rookie agents had gone dark.
I get hired to combat sues, and end up with an assload of pillows instead. What a life, Agent Scott thought as he blacked out.
who had just managed to escape the pillow downpour from their own section of HQ, emerged from the feathery mess to see the two passed-out rookie Agents just outside the pub.
"Dear me," whistled Bill.
"Poor things!" exclaimed Lori. "Let's get them to Medical!"
Kira could just barely feel his arms being wrenched, and pillows being theory aside as... Somebody?... Attempted to extract him from what he assumed was the bar.
Subconsciously, of course.
~~~
Agent Scott had a similar experience, but was simply dragged along by a "somebody else". Not in any position to argue, he simply slept though it.
"I'll take this one," she added, dragging out the unconscious pyromancer from the pile of throw pillows. "You get the other."
"Aye," agreed Bill, slinging Scott over his shoulders in a fireman's carry. "Onwards, dear."
Their cargo got hit several more times by feathery missiles on their way down the hall, and there were signs of pillow-fighting from elsewhere in HQ, but Lori and Bill started talking about their lab results for the Suemonella cultures, and pretty soon were at Medical.
Kira could vaguely feel his back being pelted by pillows as the Somebody extracted him from the bar.
Pricks! Attacking a downed target! he subconsciously raged.
Similarly, Scott felt all his weight turned horizontal, and pillows pummeling his kidneys along the way. Internally, he sighed in defeat.
~~~
A moment later, the duo woke to the sounds of beeping vital monitors.
Nurse Carlton Hearth rolled his eyes as he watched the two rookies wake up.
"Blacked out by pillows? Really?" he sighed, looking at their clipboards. "We had to move you into a separate ward because pillows appeared in the main one."
"Hey, those pillows hurt, man!" Kira whined in protest. As Scott sat up, he added, "And I saw him hit several hard objects!"
"Like the floor. And a table. And another table. And the floor again," Scott confirmed groggily.
"You two never went through an OFU, I presume," he drawled, before turning his attention back to the clipboard. "For your own sanity I suggest you two stay in here until the mayhem has died down. Which may not happen any time soon."
Scott drawled as he flopped back on to his pillow-
Pillow?
With a banshee-like shriek, Scott leapt up from his bed and sprinted for the door in a frenzy, wild fear in his eyes. Kira could only shake his head at the sight.
But he quickly sobered enough to seize Scott by the wrist, stopping the Agent from tearing out into the hall and scaring everyone. "Shh. I'll remove the Thing," he said calmly. "Be good, or I'll have you moved into FicPsych to deal with your Thing-phobia."
At this point he wasn't even sure if he could say 'pillow' without turning the poor Agent into a quivering ball in the corner.
...As Kira got up and lead him back to his bed.
"And usually I'm the one who freaks out," Kira mused.
Kestrel crowed, and lobbed one last pillow at the two rookies' retreating backs.