Subject: Just two things:
Author:
Posted on: 2017-03-19 05:18:00 UTC
Next time you ask for Permission, please look at this page for what to do... like including prompts, for instance.
The second thing: I barely recognize your name. Be a bit more involved in the PPC, let us get to know you.
If anyone else wants to provide concrit of your agents, I'll let them handle that. I'm too tired to do it properly right now.
So, I've been here on and off for about a month and a half now. More recently, thanks to my stressful job and personal life, I've been off. But, I have really enjoyed being here, and i have decided that I would definitely like to write some PPC of my own. So, I humbly request permission to do so, and include the agent profiles I've written up. If you guys could check over them and see that everything is okay, that'd be much appreciated.
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Agent Conrad Harke:
Age - 25
Species - Human
Gender - Male
Home Continuum - Warhammer 40,000
Appearance - Conrad has short jet black hair, pale skin and and blue eyes. His usual outfit consists of black military fatigues, a pair of leather Guard-issue boots, ident-tags and a white undershirt. The patch identifying him as an agent is on the right sleeve of his tunic. Thanks to his universe being originally from the UK, he has a pronounced British accent, though has never been there himself.
Personality - Conrad spent seven years serving in one of the most discipline-heavy armies in the multiverse, and it shows. Anyone above him gets called 'sir' or 'ma'am' whether they like it or not. He spends his free time either binge watching for research, working out in the gym or cleaning his gear. What sense of humour he has left is darker than your average Frankie Boyle routine. When on missions, he tends to be very focused to the point of being taciturn, and off mission, he is usually quite quiet, with any speech kept short and to the point. It takes a lot to get him angry, but when he does, revenge tends to be short but painful/humiliating.
History - Originally hailing from the grimdark universe of Warhammer 40,000, Conrad joined the PPC in 2014 after he fell into a Warp portal during a campaign against Chaos cultists and ended up in HQ. After being talked down from opening fire on several unlucky agents, he was recruited and took to the field eighteen months ago as a Floater. His previous life has served him well in his time at HQ, with his training as an Imperial Guardsman preparing him for working in Word Worlds, and his upbringing as a hiver lets him feel a little more at home in the corridors of HQ than most. While he has mostly adapted to the 21st Century, and understands most of the pop culture he works with, more obscure references and concepts still pose a bit of a problem.
Abilities - Conrad has had military training, and even if it wasn't very good or safe training, he still picked up some useful skills. He can provide basic medical aid if an agent gets injured in the field, has bushcraft knowledge and is skilled with both melee and ranged weapons, although he prefers the latter. He was a qualified sharpshooter in the Imperial Guard, but as he himself is quick to point out, he is no sniper.
Favourites/Lust Objects - Conrad has no lust objects, but he does have a soft spot for the entire crew of Serenity, as well as a great respect for Max Rockatansky.
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Agent Elly Ruskowski:
Age - 22
Species - Human
Gender - Female
Home Continuum - Real World
Appearance - Elly is Caucasian, with dyed red hair and brown eyes. She usually wears blue jeans, a t-shirt of some description, trainers (sneakers) and a brown leather jacket with her Department of Floaters patch sewn on, along with a single nose stud. She speaks with an American accent, but likes to impersonate others, with varying degrees of success.
Personality - She has a tendency to get very excited when meeting characters she admires, and very angry when they're messed with, especially when her favourite shippings are broken up. This anger is usually worked out on mission with weapon practice or off mission with video games, though outside of missions in her favourite fandoms, she's usually either pretty calm and easygoing, or very hyperactive if something takes her personal interest, and especially if Conrad hasn't seen or read something she thinks is important. She swears a lot, but more as part of her everyday vocabulary than any real anger. In contrast, when she is in a rage, she tends to get much quieter, and use less explicit language.
History - A twenty-two year old from Colorado, Elly had a normal childhood, with good parents and little to worry about except exams, all very middle class. During her high school years, she was a civilian watcher, which lead to her being given the opportunity to join the PPC, a choice she now regrets. She has been working with Conrad in the Department of Floaters for around eighteen months.
Abilities - Elly isn't very good with ranged weapons, and generally prefers using swords and knives on missions where possible. She's a natural speedreader, which lets her pick up details from a Word World quicker than most would. Her encyclopedic knowledge of both pop culture and fandoms also comes in handy. She usually handles the exorcisms and charge lists.
Favourites/Lust Objects - Both of Elly's come from the MCU, and are Black Widow and the Winter Soldier/Bucky, respectively. However, she also has quite a special place in her heart for Ed and Ein of Cowboy Bebop fame.
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RC #819: Some RC's are old enough to have seen many agents come and go over the unknown amount of time since HQ was set up. Old enough to have acquired quirks, non-standard design features, even personalities in a way. RC #819 is one of these.
It is laid out like a small apartment, with a central hallway leading to the door, and two rooms on each side. On the left as you come in are the two bedrooms, each with room for a bed, desk, shelves and not much more. On the right, there is a tiny bathroom with a shower, sink and toilet, as well as a lounge area. The lounge contains a television and Xbox, a mid-range desktop gaming computer, a well-loved sofa and the console.
As stated previously, #819 is old, and has been lived in by agents almost continuously since the mid 1990's, and more infrequently even earlier in the PPC's history. It shows. The amenities are all mostly modern, but small problems remain. Small unidentifiable scratches and marks are dotted around the RC, some of which look disturbingly like blood. The door has over a dozen names stenciled on it in white paint, and crossed out in red. The console took several bullets around the time of the Fanfic Explosion, and the alarm system is irreparable. Unfortunately, some well-meaning soul patched in an 2003-era iPod, which means that instead of the classic "BEEEEEEEEEP!!!", Conrad and Elly get Dies Irae from Verdi's Requiem blasted at them at one hundred and twenty decibels whenever a mission comes through.
Despite this, it is fairly homely. The lights aren't too bright, the electrical sockets all work, the beds are comfy and it somehow never seems as far to the cafeteria as it does from other places in HQ. What more could a pair of Agents ask for?
First, as Iximaz said, you're missing writing prompts, and a badfic you intend to spork, too. Everything else is here, so if you've got 'em and just forgot to post them, I'll wait before giving a verdict. Otherwise, the writing samples are really the most important thing we need to see, so without them I will have to deny Permission for now.
In the meantime, comments on what you've got:
1) Conrad. I know several people have standing concerns about agents from the 40k universe due to its grimdark nature, and I'd like it of one or two of them weighed in. I don't personally see too much of that in Conrad's profile, but I am concerned about the "short but painful/humiliating revenge" bit. What does that actually mean in practice? Also, to a lesser degree, the dark sense of humor. Lots of agents indulge in a bit of black humor now and then, but given the 40k factor, how dark is dark here?
2) Elly. Mostly looks fine, but she regrets joining the PPC? Seriously, or jokingly? Cuz I'm sure a lot of agents would moan about not knowing what they were getting into when they signed up, but most of them wouldn't quit if you paid them, either. Since they, er, don't get paid, it's really love and/or devotion that keeps most of them going.
3) RC 819. This is where I have the most serious concerns. First of all, if you read enough older spin-offs, you'll note that a standard RC back in the day was no bigger than a college dorm: one room and a closet, maybe a toilet if you're lucky. If this is an older RC, it was built to that design, and there's no way even the most dedicated reconstructionists force that into the two-bedroom apartment shape you describe.
I also object to the two-bedroom apartment RC on principle. I know there's precedent at this point, but that doesn't mean I have to like it. You're not supposed to spend time in your RC; it's just for crashing in during the few scant hours between missions. Also, HQ was originally built by sapient Flowers with little to no understanding of the needs of mammals. It just doesn't work for me, and it never will.
I'm also not a huge fan of non-standard BEEPs, but heck, Dies Irae is cool. Not particularly funny, IMO, but oh well.
I actually like the thought you put into the RC's history, though. That's a welcome bit of added depth that I don't often see.
~Neshomeh, holding her PG hat at the ready.
I have seen an RC spontaneously turn itself into a 2-bedroom apartment, complete with decorations like bedspreads. At lease I'm pretty sure it was an RC instead of a Tardis.
I saw one RC where they busted through a wall to create a mini response center.
My own agents live in a 2-bedroom RC.
Thanks for the response, and I forgot about the writing samples. Besides, I've decided that I should spend a little more time here before I start properly writing. As to your feedback, which is greatly appreciated:
Conrad:The short but painful/humiliating revenge would be something like pictures of Borat plastered all over your RC's door (That actually happened to someone in my dorm at uni) or your internet search history publicly displayed on noticeboards. Nothing physical, but very embarrassing and painful in a loss of face sort of way, since he's toned it down since becoming an agent. As to humour, think Frankie Boyle or Bill Hicks, but with less swearing.
Elly: The regret is mostly jokingly, though it hides a bit of doubt about if the PPC is a long-term option for her, since she pretty much chose it over higher education. She loves her job, but she can't see herself as an agent in ten years.
RC #819: I get where you're coming from, but I quite like the idea of an RC as a home. You're also right about the old model, so what do you think about it having been converted from a set of storage rooms. It seems like the Flowers would have built a cupboard bigger than an RC.
Next time you ask for Permission, please look at this page for what to do... like including prompts, for instance.
The second thing: I barely recognize your name. Be a bit more involved in the PPC, let us get to know you.
If anyone else wants to provide concrit of your agents, I'll let them handle that. I'm too tired to do it properly right now.