Subject: Minor typo-related addition
Author:
Posted on: 2017-02-15 23:39:00 UTC
On the first page, "Front doors open" should have an apostrophe.
Subject: Minor typo-related addition
Author:
Posted on: 2017-02-15 23:39:00 UTC
On the first page, "Front doors open" should have an apostrophe.
Zeb and his temporary partner Dawn get a Harry Potter harem fic that leaves them wishing for copious amounts of brain bleach. Warnings: trivialized rape, non-con, and student/teacher. NSFW and probably NSFB, depending on the reader.
(Set in August 2016)
Huzzah! I've been looking forward to this one. Kudos to the both of you for finishing it. o7
So, this mission was well-done. The agent interactions were interesting, we got to see some of Zeb's assertive side again, and it gave a good sense of the badness of the fic while keeping an appropriate level of quoting. I also liked the fact that they were disguised as cats (since students wouldn't work) and that there were appropriate logistical difficulties (I'm now imagining two cats dragging a large-for-them bag around Hogwarts, and it looks funny in my head.)
I would complain that there wasn't much snarking in this mission (it was mainly agent interaction and "ow my brain"). However, the fic was bad enough (but had good enough SPaG) that it was probably hard to get many gags in (there were, however, funny bits, like the line about the spell to conjure clothes, the blanket thing in general, and the "squelch" thing). Additionally, Dawn pointed out this problem in universe (right at the end), so you obviously knew this was a drawback to this mission and made it clear it wasn't your fault.
Despite that small issue (which again, I can't really blame you for), the mission was readable and kept me reading all the way through. (Near the middle, I was reading mainly because I wanted to see the fic die, which means you did a good job of putting across how infuriating this thing must have been.)
So that's my review.
Below find my notes (in mostly chronological order) on my reactions to the mission. I'm including them in the hopes they might be insightful.
- Poor Zeb. Poor Dawn. They don't seem to be in good places.
- I was almost expecting the alarm not to go off when they said what they were planning on, but I guess it happened because I expected it not to happen.
- Given the description, I'm not sure i wanted to look either
- ... as cats? How're they going to take the changes? Dawn seems unusually comfortable with this, but context is telling me that she's done this sort of thing before.
- Dawn called it. Ew.
- Ok, so there are logistical difficulties involved. I shouldn't have doubted the authors. Maybe Zeb and Dawn should have gone in for bigger cats.
- I sure hope that their expectations don't match (on-screen) reality.
- Zeb (around the common room flailing bit) seems to be taking on the senior agent role a bit (or trying to). (I don't actually remember the relative seniority between the two of them, so I thought I'd mention my impressions)
- Going off of the discussion leading up to the "house meeting", I take back the previous comment. Zeb and Dawn are about even
- Zeb being worried about Dawn pulling a Rina. Poor guy, and entirely expected. That scene carried a good sense of everyone's emotions.
- Zeb, get yourself some sex ed. You need it. (and obligatory yay intertextuality!)
- "Just don't think about it." I'm trying, but it's not working!
- Man, this fic is painful just from the summaries and excerpts. How did y'all actually get through it enough to mission it?
- Heh. Alex has a bet going on Zeb's CAD failures. Also, that poor machine...
- Is Dawn going to snap? Is Zeb going to ... phew, it's not happening
- Now, I'm reviewing the mission, not rehashing it, but "They went there." is an accurate summary of my thoughts about this.
- I take it cats have less dexterity than Luxrays?
- "unable to think of anything else, including a spell that would conjure clothing". Heh.
- Impersonating Aurors was a good strategy for dealing with the rest of them. And I like the idea of the exorcism going faster once the replacement is dead
- Zeb probably thinks Dawn needs some sex ed.
- Dawn, don't worry. I wouldn't look at the floor either. (I liked that line)
- We don't usually see canon reasserting itself, IIRC, and it's good to see it here
- Zeb and Dawn trying to help each other out at the same tine near the end was nice. Also, Dawn called out my one complaint-shaped thing.
Congratulations for making it that far into a fic that squicky! And may that fic rest in pieces, the one sided monogamy requirement was especially insulting. The rainbow halos were also bad.
On the first page, "Front doors open" should have an apostrophe.
“Front doors open,” Zeb called to the voice activation sensors.
It's a voice command, not him letting Dawn know the door is open.
I'm still not certain what the heck you two sporked, but... wow.
As for the mission, Zeb and Dawn are always fun to watch and this mission developed both of them nicely. One thing I noticed for SPaG was a double comma in the charge list on page 20. Great work on picking quotes from the fic!
Thanks! For both the comment and the SPaG catch. We're not completely sure what it was either, besides UGH. Yup.
~Zing
PS: First piece of writing posted with my new screen name in the disclaimer aaaah