Subject: Very late nitpick?
Author:
Posted on: 2017-02-14 19:16:00 UTC
... finally scooting Zeb away from the door and waving at the sensor to open them.
As far as I remember there are two door-wings sliding to both sides, so I guess this should be "doors" to match “them” rather than "it" to match "door".
HG
The Aviator and Zeb are teamed up with the Detective and Jack for a Harry Potter x Doctor Who mission.
Zeb is overjoyed, Jack is confused, and the Aviator and the Detective begin to question their life choices.
... finally scooting Zeb away from the door and waving at the sensor to open them.
As far as I remember there are two door-wings sliding to both sides, so I guess this should be "doors" to match “them” rather than "it" to match "door".
HG
But wasn't Zeb shipping Aviator/Librarian? I'm guessing he changed his mind because of the events of "Bad Idea". Or will we he be teasing Ave when either Time Lord is around?
Corrections ahoy:
Bouncing’s better when they’re bored, rocking tends to sooth.
That should be "soothe".
“As far as I know, Eleven and River spent the most time together out of any of the incarnations” Jack said.
Missing comma to close the quotation.
“You don’t exactly have to point it out—I’ve got eyes, y’know,” said the Detective.
“Well, excuse me, princess,” the Aviator said, her lip curling. “So sorry for wanting to make sure the rookie wasn’t going to screw up.”
Non sequitur. The Aviator's previous line was her telling Zeb to move. Was there a line that got deleted in post-production?
Fortunately, it happened to coincide with the newest canon’s first line: “ "Hello, I'm Captian Jack Harkness-"
Extra set of quotation marks.
remembering wading thigh-deep through a horde of mini Aragogs.
Missing hyphen: mini-Aragogs
two sixth years who obviously hadn’t seen one another in quite some time
Missing hyphen: sixth-years
“I’ll meet you back at the RC,” he said as he turned, and walked far too quickly from the Aviator’s.
"from the Aviator's" ... what? You can't mean "RC", since hasn't even left it when the Aviator calls him in the very next line. Perhaps you just meant "from the Aviator"?
Zeb jumps on the first sign of shipping for any reason, so he'll be teasing no matter who's around. :)
I disagree about the non sequitur comment; her first line was directed at everyone, Zeb was just the one she was pushing. Sixth years also shouldn't be hyphenated. I did fix the rest, though.
Right. The very first thing I have to say is, hooray! Ellie's back with mum! This is definitely a good thing, and I'm glad to see at least this part of Ave's trouble being resolved. The post-mission actually made me smile. Good for her. And good for you, Ixi.
Some of my favourite moments:
1) "“Sorry for the inconvenience, gents, but I have a baby to look after, so if you don’t mind lea—wait, what were you doing here, anyway?” [BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!]"
(You just haaad to go and say it, Ave. You just had to...)
2) "“No, but he sure got her on her back, if you know what I mean,”"
(Hiyoooooo!)
3) Actually, every time those two bloody muppets, Jack and Zeb, were playing matchmaker/teasing any of the Time Lords.
4) "The Aviator snickered. “So tell me, how does it feel to be on the receiving end for a change?”
“Is that what the Detective asked you the other night?” Zeb immediately shot back."
(Booyah, lil' buddy!)
That being said, the beginning felt a little... jumbled for me. One concrete example: Zeb asking how long the Time Lords have known each other follows by the Detective's answer to Jack's previously stated question. And Zeb's question is still hanging to AFTER the console going off and Ellie getting scared. It may not be a big deal, or anything, but it feels chaotic for me. Then again, that may just be me.
Another thing - not a negative one, but I am curious:
"“As far as I know, Eleven and River spent the most time together out of any of the incarnations” Jack said."
Now I wonder, wouldn't that be with Twelve and their 24 years on Darillium?
Long story short, it was a solid piece of mission. Zeb's the MVP, as always, and has everyone else in his shadow. Jack and the Detective have good chemistry both with each other and the other team, and Ave... well, she's just her old, grumpy self. All in all, I am looking forward to next interactions between this lil' semi-happy family.
Firstly, I'm glad you liked it! Elanor's Homecoming is something I was happy to see myself.
The chaos at the opening was intended, actually. Elanor's back, everything is peachy, and then the appearance of Jack and the Detective starts a downwards spiral. Ave is trying to get Elanor tucked in, Zeb is teasing both of them, Dee trying to get out of there, and Jack watching bemusedly. All of which is occurring simultaneously, so there's gonna be chaos.
I'm glad it comes across, though.
As to your second, I must restore the reputation of my canonical expertise.
So, yes. :) You're right, those 24 years are the longest (confirmed) time of (consecutive) companionship between the Doctor and River. . .
But it's also irrelevant, because, as you said, they were, as far as we know, on Darillium for those 24 years, and so we weren't counting that particular period.
Still, I'm glad it was a good read. I think 'semi-happy family' might be going a bit far, but I could be wrong.
Time will tell.
It always does.
I love the interactions between these four, it's wonderful. The Aviator is one of my many favorite agents, and I love both of your writing styles. This fic really deserved to die too.
My tiny little nitpick is about the use of the phrase "Time-Lord" because technically, it doesn't refer to people from Gallifrey, just those who graduated from the Academy (and while not necessarily smart, smart enough to graduate) and earned their regenerations, and it would have been nice to see you charge the Sue with that. I don't know, it's a pretty minor thing overall and I can't remember if it's actually shown up in the show.
And I think I'm blushing over here. Am I blushing? •^w^•
As for the Time Lord vs Gallifreyan thing, they were only named as different species in the expanded universe (namely, Interference - Book Two) but Time Lords were explicitly said to have evolved from Gallifreyans in A Good Man Goes to War, which is from the TV show (more widely accepted as the "main" canon). Since we're sporking to show standards, we weren't going to poke that charge. :)
I feel bad about it, but I actually haven't seen all of the modern TV show, and I don't think I've seen more than four episodes with the Eleventh Doctor. I'm a lot more focused on the original show and the extended universe (moreso the audios than the books) so I forget that it's all really non-canon. I think I was reading a PPC fic recently where they were talking about the whole Gallifreyan/Time Lord thing and it got stuck in my mind...
And if it's going to make you blush, I'll just say again how much I love your writing.
"Night of the Doctor" confirmed all the Big Finish Eighth Doctor adventures (and by extension the rest of the Big Finish stuff) as main-universe canon. =]
And looks like the Ironic Overpower is trying to play matchmaker, now.
Best line: “I’m a mum now, I’m allowed to make threats like that.” And Zeb was incredibly fun. I'm starting to like Jack and the Detective, they've been interesting so far.
Oh, and a little nitpick: "Captain" is seven letters, not six. Unless the mistake was deliberate?
The IO just loves making people uncomfortable, doesn't it?
(I have no idea what you're talking about. Six letters? Wherever did it say six letters? *hides the edit button*)
Seeing how much it was taunted, it decided 'Welp, let see if it can turns into an actual relationship'. Always fear the IO. Joke aside, character interactions were fun, and also let hope for more for them in the future. I also Daww'd for the nursery inside the TARDIS...
The fic? It was horrible, and also a good pretext to put all of them together. Still fail to understand why people cannot see the direct relation you can make between 'purebloods', racism', and other words not fit for a civil discussion. Feels good seeing glitterbags like this being eliminated.
And now that other people than me are using 'glitterbag', would it be propesterous to add it to the Creative Curses page on the wiki?
On the nitpick side, the tracker... (partly devolve into rant).
Why couldn't it include more formulated warnings, like: "[Glitter level is raising.] Singing is not a crime, but like I already said, obssessing about me isn't healthy at all. Beep, can you imagine if I was only able to 'beep'?
"Dude, mourning your loved ones is fine, stop thinking me being there makes it a crime/Beep."
"See? I'm just a Suvian, look the tracker is beeping."
"Nonono, feeling emotions is fine, obesssing about me is bad, remember what FicPsych said./ Beep. Beep."
"I'll never be anything else than a Suvian..."
"Great Maker in the Sky, why?/ Beep."
shudders At least I'd be a perfect torture device. A work of pure sadism, destroying any emotion and character development in a negative feedback loop. Thank the Maker He remembered why the C-CAD have these beeping screen for numbers and comments."
Still not a fan of that thing.
Glad to know I can pull off fluff alright, though angst is so much more fun I can't wait to torture Zeb next— I mean, thank you. :P
And making a character a pure-blood just for the sake of being pure-blood is bad enough, but when they start lording it over everyone else it just gets awful. Especially coming from Hermione.
Ave will be getting rid of the Sue tracker eventually, don't worry. The Flowers just need to make sure she's back down to normal before they can do that.
why the Flowers stuck the tracker on Ave in the first place?
Okay, that was satisfying to read. I'm a giant Who fan, so seeing any Sue in the fandom get taken out warms the proverbial cockles just nicely.
I really liked 'How to Kill a Sue' by Iximaz. I haven't read any of Aegis' work though.