As usual, I'm looking for SpaG, flow, and any other form of advice which could cross the mind of the tentative beta-reader. Oh, and don't be afraid to be blunt or something else in your critics. Gloves-off critic is a good thing, no matter how hard it is to take.

Now, since it only covers up the very first days of the plot, no canon knowledge is really needed, although I reference sometimes things happening later in the story (nothing too spoilery. I think).

And I'm using an event (not something tied to the main plot though) from later in the story as an inspiration for a one of the last scenes, and I'd like to have opinions about it. Should it get the axe or not? Is it fun, or even necessary?

Send me a mail if you're interested (name's clickable), or post here, the way you prefer.