Subject: I'd think the mini is hiding, invisible, until you unspoiler
Author:
Posted on: 2017-01-20 22:31:00 UTC
but that's just an idea I had a few minutes ago
Subject: I'd think the mini is hiding, invisible, until you unspoiler
Author:
Posted on: 2017-01-20 22:31:00 UTC
but that's just an idea I had a few minutes ago
"Harry Potter and the Hogwarts Mishap"
In which mangled canon characters are not necessarily an agent's biggest problem.
Continua: Harry Potter x Fullmetal Alchemist (2003)
Rating: PG-13/T - Only low-grade swearing, but lots of shouting and some blood.
Enjoy!
This mission had a bunch of minis mentioned, and the fic probably had a bunch more that I didn't feel like noting specifically. I'm sure some of these are already spoken for and therefore not adoptable, but just in case anyone's interested, here they are.
Mini-Aragogs:
* Diagon Ally
* Mr.Olivander
* Mr. Olivander
* Mrs. Weasly
* Nyphrodora
* Olivanders
* Philosophies Stone (quotes philosophy; good luck living with this one)
* Serious
Mini-chimera:
* Ametris (looks like a silver dragon with a single horn, a mane, and a forked tail, modeled after the design on the State Alchemist watch)
If any of those aren't on the wiki, I'll add them.
~Neshomeh
I finished reading it when I got home. Where he wakes up in the medical ward, you should mention that it's Nume earlier.
I was thinking that it was Ilrean until he reached for his glasses, and then I got confused.
Here are seven clear indications that it's Nume, not Ilraen, before the glasses come into it:
1. The whole story has been from Nume's POV. There's no reason for anyone to assume a switch to Ilraen's POV without notice.
2. The last sentence of the paragraph previous to "He woke slowly" tells of Nume going to sleep, therefore it follows that Nume is the one waking up. Again, if I had meant to switch to Ilraen, I should have given notice.
3. The reader should know from the previous paragraph that Ilraen has returned to his Andalite form, therefore he has no hair on his scalp; only fur.
4. Since Ilraen is in his Andalite form, his speech would be set off with <angle brackets,> not "quotation marks."
5. Ilraen's speech patterns are markedly different from Nume's: he would never say "knock it off."
6. Ilraen has no mouth and therefore no need for a toothbrush.
7. Nume was the one who struck his head against the gates at the Ministry, and anyway, Ilraen has no eyebrows.
Given all that, I feel I've done more than enough to convey the fact that it's Nume we're dealing with, not Ilraen. I'll grant you that it's easier to spot all the clues if you know what an Andalite looks like, but a) that problem is more easily solved by a new reader using Google than by me wasting words describing it over and over in every episode of my spin-off; b) clues 1 and 2 alone should be indication enough; and c) most readers should be able to grasp 4, 5, 7, and possibly even 6 just from this story whether they know anything about Andalites or not.
~Neshomeh
Just before he sank beneath the waves unconsciousness, …
I guess these are meant to be metaphorical "waves of unconsciousness", unless you want to make Nume sink beneath literal "waves unconscious".
HG
Wow, I don't know how many times I've looked at that line and not noticed the missing word. Sheesh! I've fixed it now.
~Neshomeh
Well, I didn't see that many missions where no killing is involved, or DIC without any sort of things which should be killed (guess it's time to fish for more DIC Spin-offs). Make for an interesting read.
Anyways, I found the mission good at showing what was bad in the fic, especially with the writing...
On one hand, I can understand Ilraen being in love and wanting to fit with his supposed culture, but... Farilan is a textbook Andalite, and Andalites are these guys with planet-sized egos, dripping xenophobia as qualities. You deserve far more and far better, dude. And if you really want to try your chance, find a way of making her eat cinnamon buns. Andalites seem to have a problem with them.
V nyfb yvxrq gur sberfunqbjvat sbe Fhowhtngvba jvgu Ahzr. And nw, I'm curious about how the poor guy was burnt in the past to develop this mindset...
I wish it were easier to find missions without killing in them in departments that aren't supposed to be about Suvians. That's actually one reason I wanted to write for the DIC, because I wasn't too sure about doing the whole assassination thing back when I joined. As it turned out, I got over it by the time I started writing—but I do try to at least come up with creative solutions for the team's baddies, and avoid calling "character replacement" unless there's a name change on top of them being very OOC.
That said, there are some fairly solid storytelling reasons that Sue missions are easier to write, and Suvians do crop up just about everywhere. *shrug*
Like I said to Tomash, I wouldn't hold your breath waiting for more about Nume. I'm kinda feeling sorry I set it up as some sort of deep dark horrible traumatizing secret, cuz I didn't mean to. There's stuff he's not telling anyone, sure, but he's pretty much just bitching and moaning there, and Jenni latches onto it because she's Jenni and she just can't help herself.
Glad you liked that other bit, though. Nice to know someone caught it. ^_^
Thanks for commenting!
~Neshomeh
Well, it seems that some more Neshomeh/Iximaz cowrites will be in store, yes? I, too, wonder how Farilan will react to that Monster Book of Monsters.
One error and one comment:
The error:
Where did he get that? Never mind," he interrupted as Ilraen started to respond; "he pulled it out of his a**, that's where."
That semicolon should be a period or a comma.
The comment:
Sandra pulled out her wand and began chanting, almost singing. "Vulnus Sanetur . . . " She waved the wand over the wound once . . . "Vulnus Sanetur . . ." twice . . . "Vulnus Sanetur."
Correct Latin, but perhaps incorrect spellcasting? The HP Wiki lists the spell as Vulnera Sanentur, and it doesn't show that the incantation switches to the singular if a singular wound is being healed. My HP knowledge is very limited, so I don't know about this.
First, thanks for commenting! Yes, the Saga of Faraen will continue. {= )
I disagree that the semicolon is in error. If I were to write out the dialogue uninterrupted by narration, it would read "Never mind; he pulled it out of his a**, that's where." A comma would clearly be incorrect there, and while I could use a period, I prefer the semicolon to show that the thoughts are connected and, taken together, mean "Disregard the previous question and take this statement in its place."
You're right about Vulnera Sanentur, but since the incantation is from the movieverse and not the books, I decided to err on the side of correct grammar. I'll change it if we ever get Word of God or something confirming the plural form as the one and only form of the countercurse, but for now, y'know, grammar. {= )
~Neshomeh
You're correct that without the tag in the middle, that semicolon would be exactly what's needed. My issue, however, is with where the semicolon is now. As currently written, there's nothing showing that the semicolon would be what would have been in the quotation. However, without a grammar book to reference, I'll just let the matter drop for now.
As for the Latin, thanks for the explanation.
[The following opinions have been run through rot13 to protect people who haven't read the mission yet but still clicked on this thing]
Fb, V yvxrq guvf. Gur zvffvba jnf jryy-cnprq, naq V tbg n tbbq vqrn bs ubj onq gur svp jnf jvgubhg orvat birejuryzrq. V cnegvphyneyl yvxrq gur qrfpevcgvbaf nobhg ubj gur sbeznggvat pnhfrq cnegvphyneyl cnvashy (abg gb zragvba onq sbe lbhe fnavgl) qvfgbegvbaf.
Ahzr naq Vyenra unir n tbbq zvk bs cynlshy onagre naq frevbhf pbairefngvbaf.
V'z nyfb tynq gb frr gung Ahzr unfa'g unq uvf frafr bs pnevat fhetvpnyyl ebzbirq. Nyfb, sebz gur ybbxf bs gur raqvat, ur'f unq fbzr cerggl onq rkcrevraprf jvgu eryngvbafuvcf. Ner jr rire tbvat gb frr zber guna uvagf bs gubfr?
Gur pyvznk unq zr jbeevrq gung Vyenra jnf tbvat gb qvr naq/be trg frevbfhyl vawherq sbe n ovg. (Va bgure jbeqf, vs lbh jnagrq qenzngvp grafvba, lbh'ir qbar vg irel jryy.) V'q nyfb yvxr gb wbva gur ybat yvar bs crbcyr va CCP UD jub jbhyq yvxr Vyenra gb erratntr uvf oenva naq qvfnatntr uvf [jungrire znyr Naqnyvgrf ercebqhpr jvgu], orpnhfr gung jnf n ernyyl fghcvq fghag.
V'z abj jbaqrevat ubj Sneyvna (naq Nyrk, naq gure rfg bs QbFNG) jvyy ernpg gb gung Zbagfre Obbx bs Zbafgref.
I'm glad you felt there was enough of the badfic. Phobos suggested that I put a bit more mission in the mission, but I honestly couldn't stand to look at the original fic for too long, and I couldn't find that many good gags to wring from it, in spite of its complete stupidity. It was a bit overwhelming!
I was indeed going for dramatic tension in the climax, so thanks! I'm glad it worked. ^_^
Getting Nume to actually discuss any liaisons he may or may not have had would be approximately as difficult as getting blood from a stone, so no, I wouldn't hold my breath if I were you. Even as his author, pretty much all I know is what I've already put in his bio.
I, too, look forward to finding out what happens when Ilraen presents his gift. *eg*
~Neshomeh
but that's just an idea I had a few minutes ago
Paging Neshomeh, could you please check your email?
I thought that wands wouldn't respond to non-wizards. It's nice that they had a chance to get nice ones, but as showpieces instead of functional magic.
It took a moment to see that MoM was Ministry of Magic.
Sorry I've been avoiding my inbox. I've kind of been avoiding everything, since I've been focused on RL and finishing this mission.
I think it's canon that a Muggle might be able to get a reaction from a wand, like sparks or something, but no, they certainly can't cast spells. The wands won't work for Nume and Ilraen when they're in HQ, but they do in the mission because they're disguised as wizards.
~Neshomeh
Also, obligatory cheers to you for sporking that complete disaster of a fic.
I'm gonna check through the existing FMA stuff to make sure there isn't one by that name owned already, but yeah, it's probably fine. I even feel fairly confident claiming the authority to say so, since I was a beta for the Alchemists' Fanfiction Academy and therefore had a bit of a stake in it. {= )
~Neshomeh
You are now the proud owner of Ametris, the mini-chimera! Don't forget to feed it... um... I'm not sure, actually. They have mini-treats at AFA, but there's no mention of their regular diet. Possibly it depends on what they're made of?
~Neshomeh
Props to you for having the patience to read through this fic; just the samples you put in were enough to make me cringe.
And Ilraen... poor Ilraen. I almost feel bad about introducing Farilan now, except it's too much fun watching Nume get worked up over his partner zoning out at the worst times.
I liked the montage of the agents wandering around Diagon Alley and generally getting the chance to have a breather for once in their lives. I will admit I wasn't such a fan of them getting their own wands (hit a bit too close to all the Sue montages I've seen, maybe?), but I did like Mr Ollivander having connections to Meir Brin. It made me smile.
(Also, slightly off-topic, but Ilraen saying "I'll use my own. Mouths do have some very serious disadvantages." made me think of Bleep patches, like nicotine patches but with Bleep. Carrying on...)
I don't know FMA, but the Harry Potter parts were just so full of cringe. Just... yowza. If the FMA parts were half as bad (and I get the feeling they were worse)... guh.
And poor Ilraen needs hugs, desperately. I'll admit to actually gasping out loud when he got hurt, and teared up a bit at the end there. Nume really does care about him... he's just not very good at showing it. ;)
Great mission, and definitely worth the wait.
-Ix
PS: Philosophies Stone has to be my favorite mini to date (well... after Death Easters). I might just have to adopt him.
PPS: "Nume flashed him again to be safe." Nuuuume, you tease
Like I said to Tomash, looking at the thing for any length of time was honestly kind of exhausting. Not only is the formatting awful, the writing itself is poorly structured and the events described are dumb. My eyes and my brain just wanted to slide off each sentence. >.<
Hehe, no need to blame Farilan entirely for what happened to Ilraen. I'd been planning to get him hurt in this mission for a while; him being lovestruck just made it so much easier. I'm glad the drama worked. ^^
I wasn't sure how it would go over, having Nume jog Ollivander's memory about HFA, so I'm glad you like that bit. It's a bit of a callback to the early days of the PPC. He'll obviously have forgotten again once canon snapped back, of course.
And yes, Nume does care. That's about as much as he'll ever admit it, even in his own head, but he does. {= )
So! When d'you wanna write the next interlude? ^^
~Neshomeh
One of the perks about being sick: lots and lots of free time...
Monday is also good. Say, around noon or so?
Sorry you're sick, though. {= (
~Neshomeh
Sunday sounds great, though I'll give you a heads-up if my D&D group is meeting then or not. (My brother's the DM and he doesn't know how much homework he'll have. Fingers now crossed that it's a boatload. :P)