Wlcome to the Board. Please leave your sanity by the door. You shan't need it here.

Welcome to our fine Board! Here, have some Fillet of Frenzy and a huggle!

-huggles-

Here's a piece of bubble wrap. Have fun with it.

Here, have an Awake!

Have some chocolate, and enjoy your stay!

Glad to have you here. Have a bag of pebbles and a Random Shiny Object.

Fresh from the Channel Awesome verse! Perfect for all your ship-protecting needs!

Have you seen LoK yet?

Welcome to the Board, I see you've already been given all your helpful links. May your time here be precisely as insane as you want it to be.

Hi, have some fudge!

Hi and welcome! Since other people pointed you toward TOS and the Constitution, I don't need to do so, but I'd like to point you toward the IRC channel, where people hang around - you're more than welcome to drop by and say hi.
I'd also like to give you a cup of tea. Just don't let the leaves eat you.

Welcome dear newbie! The way your message is formatted on my screen makes it look oddly poetic. Maybe it's the random line breaks where other people's text would have stretched across the screen. Your username is quite poetic as well. Anyway, I shall now present you with a Thinking Cap™! Whenever you have writer's block, just don your Thinking Cap™ and it clears your mind of all the cobwebs that are obstructing your creativity.
Warning: TheMadHatteress is not responsible for any damage caused by your Thinking Cap™, which may include inability to tell reality from fiction, singed hair, and a sudden urge to act like Sherlock Holmes.

Welcome a-Board, newbie! Feel free to leave any sanity you might have left in the labeled bins; you won't be needing it here.

You don't have to write fanfiction, but if you can tell the difference between good and bad and you have the ability to find humor in it, you're welcome here. As an expression of that I give to you this music box. The song changes every time you open it, so you'll never get bored. It is liable to come up with some very oddball songs though. Have fun and make yourself at home.

Have a fuzzy hat in the color of your choice.

You can have the contents of my pockets: 1000 wire ornament hooks (we decorated a tree, can you tell?), two candles, a tennis ball, a little can of fudge, and, twelve assorted buttons.

Welcome to the fold. I approve of your username. Have any trees fallen in your forests lately?

Uh, I mean, greetings new friend! Good to have you a-Board!

Have this set of Poké Balls, all signed by your local Gym Leader!

As a Newbie gift have a mysterious box. It shakes occasionally and makes an odd buzzing sound.

Nice to see plenty of new faces popping up! While I'm here, have a living statue of a dead seagull, and have fun working out what it does.

Have some BleepNerds. Trust me, you'll need them.

And here's a pair of Punching Gloves as well, because sometimes faces need imploding.

Have a graduated cylinder!

Welcome to the Board! Have some of my hydrophobic water to commemorate the event. Not for use as a cleaning agent.

If you haven't done so yet, have a gander at the Original Series, the first-ever PPC missions. You should also take the time to review the Constitution just to make sure we're all on the same page.

Now, get out there and have some fun!