some of which may be funny?
I feel like it may be somewhat redundant to create a miniature internet within the internet, but, sure, I guess. Maybe we'll get into one've those world record books.


*I will never again make a joke that can stand on its own two legs.
**If I do, my arms will be cut off on the spot.
***OH STEVE IRWIN MY ARMS

*I will never swear on Steve Irwin, otherwise my arms will get cut off.
**OH WINSTON CHURCHILL MY OTHER ARMS

I did once try to condense the lists (the ones that existed at the time, which were plenty) down into a categorized, redundancy-free version. I got burned out on that pretty quickly, let me tell you, but you can have the progress I did make as a starting-point, if you like. I still have the Notepad file.

~Neshomeh

-No matter how much you think the Flowers deserve punishment, all Internet-enabled devices in Headquarters are and will forever be blocked from visiting Hell Correspondence. Trust us; they have more than enough problems without getting dragged into HQ.
-Minis are not acceptable forms of currency in the General Store or Rook Takes Pawnshop.
-There are no acceptable reasons for a stampede through the halls barring an actual emergency.
--Not even if freshly-baked cookies, alcohol, Elves in swimwear, or cute baby animals are involved.

/is tired

*I will not, under any circumstances, paint anything with fake Sue glitter as a prank
**Even if the reaction of those being pranked would be hilarious
***Seriously, it's not a good idea

* Shiro Turbo and Saki Cherryflower are NOT the result of a secret project about cloning veteran agents, or anything of the sort. Stop spreading this rumor.
** The Marquis has reassured us that the PPC is not that desperate for recruits yet.
*** Besides, we're pretty sure he wouldn't have wanted another Agent Turbo.

* I will not attempt to soulgaze a Flower.
* I will not tell newbie Agents that World One is flat.
* I will not ask newbie Agents to fetch some electricity powder from Building Maintenance.
** I will not get actual electricity powder from Buiding Maintenance.

*A lasgun is not actually a flashlight. Do not shine it into your eyes.
**Similarly, do not give it to your partner and tell them to light up the room with it.

*No opening portals into the Warp.
**I understand that I will be the one to clean up the mess afterwards.

*The Nuclear Throne is not something I want to sit on.

*Bandanas do not equal infinite ammo.

*I will not try to sell Goddess Icons to Harris Frost. His luck stat is already capped.

*"It's a social experiment!" is not a valid excuse for replacing my partner's morning coffee with decaf.

*Suvian munitions make for terrible trophies/souvenirs due to their inherent instability. We all know what happened to Agent Thorpe last weekend.

*Entering the Gungeon is a terrible idea.
**I will not seek the Gun That Can Kill the Past to get revenge on my Department Head.

• You are not allowed, even in casual conversation, to tell any agents who know Steven Universe that they should ship Lapis/Jasper. Nothing good can come from such a proposal on any level.
  -- God help you if you tell ANYONE that they should ship any World One celebrity with another. Different reason, same result.

...in Robin Hood: Men in Tights just to see what happens. He's not that kind of ranger.
>>That goes double for Power Rangers.

>I am not allowed to shoot bullets at Homura Akemi from various distances in order to figure out how quickly she can react to them.
>>If I do try and do so, I accept that shortly thereafter, I will have several bullets buried in several lethal places. I may also explode.
>>In fact, I am not allowed to shoot any form of projectile at any canon in order to determine their reaction times.

>Speaking of prison jokes, I will not make them around Bastille Dartmoor.
>>Seriously, have you seen what she can do with that sword of hers?

I like that thought!

A couple more points to consider:

*Do not write Slorp/Luxury fics
**Even if it is totally canon

*Kylo Ren does not wear lingerie under his otufit, and we are not to imply that he does
**Especially when in a Star Wars fic
***Definitely not when Kylo is around
**Do not ask Kylo Ren if he wears lingerie under his outfit
**Or General Hux
**Or Captain Phasma
**Rey, Finn, and Poe Dameron are right out

*General Hux does not actually have an ice cream cone on him at all times
**Do not ask to see his 'ice cream cone'

Apparently I'm not allowed to start a cult revolving around my Mary-Sue self insert. Even if one of the sacred bylaws mentions very strongly not to kill people in my name. And even if it was a complete accident.