Congratulations!

Subject: Congratulations!
Author: Hieronymus Graubart
Posted on: 2016-10-08 17:07:00 UTC

You know what me commenting means.

"Practice contractions, " the Aviator said, trying to not think too hard about what Doctor Fitzgerald said about the stress of time jumps on her system.
Shouldn’t this be "had said" (past perfect)?

Zeb lobbed his copy of the book at Selena, striking her squarely between the forehead.
I always believed that "between" requires two locations. MS Word Grammar Check suggests "between the foreheads", but although I’ve never seen Selena, I assume that wouldn’t be right :-)

He frowned when he noticed the father pick up something gold from the water.
Shouldn’t this be either "gold-colored" or "golden"?

And from the Interlude that I enjoyed much:
Rina pushed the button beside the door and grinned when they slid apart with a faint whooshing noise.
I understand that there are two door wings that slide apart, but it may be better to actually say that.

HG

Reply Return to messages

Jump to this post's position in the thread ↴

100 PPC Stories! by Iximaz on 2016-10-07 15:29:00 UTC Reply

The Aviator and Zeb get an Inheritance Suefic and a sudden surprise.

An old friend drops by to check up on the Aviator, and reminiscing happens.

I'm aware of the sudden jump forward in time here, but I start a second job next week and don't know how much time I'll have for writing once that happens.

Congratulations! by son_of_heaven176 on 2016-10-10 20:20:00 UTC Reply

SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS

Ahem.

1) ignoring Selena pouring over her map
Homophone error: poring over her map.
(Side note: it looks like this error is quite prevalent, as dictionary.com actually made a blog post about it.)

2) She wasn't sure which felt worse; regeneration, or this.
That semicolon should either be a comma or a colon.

3) For the Flower’s sakes, they’d better hope, too.
You're talking about multiple Flowers. Move the apostrophe.

Either way, those were some good fics. You've already heard the kudos about having the timeskips affect the baby, but I now have a few questions.

This first question, I'll leave open for the community at large: As a general writing matter, what actually constitutes a chargeable timeskip? Every piece of literature has to skip over periods of time; no book goes over every second of every day of its characters' lives.

This second question is to Iximaz in particular: How exactly have the timeskips affected the baby (or is that spoilers)? Unless I am mistaken, in this mission alone, there were timeskips spanning years. However, the Aviator (presumably) gave birth to a newborn, not a little child, albeit a few months earlier than expected.

And if you don't mind me asking, what job are you starting? I thought you were in school.

Fixed, thanks. by Iximaz on 2016-10-10 22:50:00 UTC Reply

When I say timeskip, I mean very sudden ones, where they might appear in the middle of a paragraph. In the mission I just did, the author would have sudden jumps in the middle of a paragraph, like The next morning, she rode quickly. The journey took her longer than she expected and she arrived in Kuasta a month before she was due. Suddenly going from 'the next morning' to 'nine months later' in the same paragraph irks me greatly; I'd say you want a new paragraph, at least, for minor skips and show a more definite break in the narration for larger skips. YMMV, though, and I'm sure there's a boatload of differing opinion on this.

As for the baby, the stress of the timeskips on the Aviator's body caused her to deliver prematurely, though that's not going to be the only consequence. It'll be a few years before I can really show it, but since it'll be caught early on I don't see why I should keep it secret. Elanor's Time Lord ability to sense the flow of time is going to be a bit... messed up. On the plus side, HQ's wonky time stream won't give her headaches. On the downside, she's got about as good a sense of time as your average human.

Right now I'm not in school; my parents and I decided it would be better for me to withdraw for this semester and take some time off for a breather after what happened recently with the hospital visit. Right now I'm working as a video/photography production assistant (and having an absolute blast!) but it's part-time, so I got a second job at a department store where I'll be processing online orders and shipping them out.

Thanks for the explanation by son_of_heaven176 on 2016-10-11 00:27:00 UTC Reply

and I hope that your breather does you well. Feel free not to answer if you don't want to, but I'm curious: what happened? IIRC, you weren't actually clear when you first mentioned your hospitalization in September...

Well... by Iximaz on 2016-10-11 02:54:00 UTC Reply

Basically, depression came back, hit me hard, and I nearly attempted suicide again. I'm doing loads better now, though. Seeing a therapist, back on meds, eating and sleeping well for a change. Does wonders, let me tell you.

Ouch. by son_of_heaven176 on 2016-10-11 12:53:00 UTC Reply

Thanks for confiding that. Once again, I hope this breather does you well.

Added a tiny thing at the beginning of the interlude. by Iximaz on 2016-10-08 19:03:00 UTC Reply

Just wanted to say if anyone was curious.
Congratulations! by Hieronymus Graubart on 2016-10-08 17:07:00 UTC Reply

You know what me commenting means.

"Practice contractions, " the Aviator said, trying to not think too hard about what Doctor Fitzgerald said about the stress of time jumps on her system.
Shouldn’t this be "had said" (past perfect)?

Zeb lobbed his copy of the book at Selena, striking her squarely between the forehead.
I always believed that "between" requires two locations. MS Word Grammar Check suggests "between the foreheads", but although I’ve never seen Selena, I assume that wouldn’t be right :-)

He frowned when he noticed the father pick up something gold from the water.
Shouldn’t this be either "gold-colored" or "golden"?

And from the Interlude that I enjoyed much:
Rina pushed the button beside the door and grinned when they slid apart with a faint whooshing noise.
I understand that there are two door wings that slide apart, but it may be better to actually say that.

HG

Fixed, thank you! by Iximaz on 2016-10-08 17:17:00 UTC Reply

The forehead thing was because I originally wanted "between the eyes" and I guess I switched to forehead for some reason.

Congratulations! *confetti* by eatpraylove on 2016-10-08 05:41:00 UTC Reply

Unfortunately, I don't have a lot of cool party-time gifs to share. Seriously, good job.

SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS

Congratulations on the baby, too. <3 *offers tiny booties*

And it's nice to see how Rina (I can still call the Aviator that if I'm referring to her past self, right?) joined the PPC. I feel bad for her/you, going through all that with the meds and the clear depression. I hope Ave and Randa meet up more; does the fact that Randa showed up mean you're reconnecting w/her writer?

Thank you! by Iximaz on 2016-10-08 16:19:00 UTC Reply

Randa and I have been talking a bit lately, yes. :) She's turned her agent over to me for good since she's not planning on coming back to the PPC as far as we know.

EEEEEEEEEE! =D by S.M.F. on 2016-10-07 23:43:00 UTC Reply

Both of these were absolute pleasures to read. Here's to many more!
Congrats on your hundredth story, Ix! by Badger421 on 2016-10-07 22:58:00 UTC Reply

Now I just need to catch up on your last five so I can actually read the thing, ya speed demon.
[SCREAMS] by SkarmorySilver on 2016-10-07 17:59:00 UTC Reply

CONGRATULATIONS! 8D Here's to you making it to 100 missions soon enough as well!

SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS

Congrats as well to Ave, and major props for your handling of Appleday as well. I look forward to seeing more of Ave and her new addition to the family. And the interlude/prologue with Randa was cute as heck. :3

Good luck with your new job! I look forward to hearing of how this thing turns out! :D
Congratulations on the 100 stories mark! by Sergio Turbo on 2016-10-07 17:32:00 UTC Reply

SPOILERS AHOY!SPOILERS AHOY!SPOILERS AHOY!SPOILERS AHOY!
SPOILERS AHOY!SPOILERS AHOY!SPOILERS AHOY!SPOILERS AHOY!
SPOILERS AHOY!SPOILERS AHOY!SPOILERS AHOY!SPOILERS AHOY!
SPOILERS AHOY!SPOILERS AHOY!SPOILERS AHOY!SPOILERS AHOY!

Congratulations are in order also for Aviator, I guess. The piece with Randa was pretty nice, too - it was good to see her again.

Good luck with your new job!
Brilliant work! by The Good Mod Addict on 2016-10-07 17:01:00 UTC Reply

The mission was solid, and I liked how you made all the time skips actually affect the pregnancy. I was wondering about that, honestly.

I think the most amazing thing, though, was your interlude.

Personally, I was incredibly impressed when the Aviator's story arc involving the time loop was completed; you managed to come up with a story and execute it flawlessly over a period of several months.

Now, you've managed to perfectly capture Rina's character all those years ago, complete with Harry Potter references. Bravo!

The only thing I'm slightly concerned about is how calmly Randa handled entering the PPC; but considering she's based on your friend in real life, your judgment is better than mine.
Almighty Gygax! by Hardric on 2016-10-07 16:38:00 UTC Reply

100 stories. And everything that happened here! Almighty Gygax and sweet Philemon, YES!

Both of these stories were just perfect. Congratulations for them, and good luck for the job.

Spoilers Spoilers Spoilers Spoilers Spoilers Spoilers Spoilers
Spoilers Spoilers Spoilers Spoilers Spoilers Spoilers Spoilers
Spoilers Spoilers Spoilers Spoilers Spoilers Spoilers Spoilers

Duck, I didn't think these time jumps could go that bad or have suh consequences.

Now, the Flowers' sadism/uncaring was just criminal there. And I don't think a blowtorch, or any normal kind of flamethrower will do.
Could I suggest coordinates for Command and Conquer 3? They've got a special kind of flamthrowers there. And nothing teaches an object lesson better than a shower of liquid tiberium.

Also, hurrah for Randa's return and the origin story!

Perhaps a Flaming Chainsaw Sword? by Agent Matthew Welch, DMS on 2016-10-07 17:29:00 UTC Reply

((By the way that Interlude is freaking perfect. Kudos to you Ix!))

Congrats! by Tira on 2016-10-07 16:35:00 UTC Reply

It was really nice to see Randa again, especially because I remember back when she and Rina were just starting out. Rina really has come a long ways.

One thing I noticed in the mission - So make that a metric button of charges. I assume Zeb means "butt ton", but I'm not sure if this is intentional or a typo.

Also... the part about Rina throwing away her medication bothered me, because that's not how it works. Depression doesn't just go away because you're in a better situation, and it can lead to serious issues in the future if you think it does. I know it's from Rina's perspective, and she doesn't exactly have a history of making the most healthy decisions, but still... it hit me kind of personally, I guess. As someone who is dependent on that sort of medication, I dislike seeing it presented as a crutch that I could totally overcome if I was happy enough. I know you didn't mean it personally or anything, I guess it just sort of hit me hard.

Thanks. by Iximaz on 2016-10-07 16:43:00 UTC Reply

As for Rina throwing out her medicine, presented from her viewpoint, it was a crutch, something to be ashamed of. Throwing them away was supposed to kind of tie in with her going off the deep end later because of her refusal to seek help.

I have to be on medication for the same reason and didn't mean to cause any offense.

It makes sense by Tira on 2016-10-07 17:00:00 UTC Reply

I figured it was something like that, as it fits in with her presented behavior. Still, thanks for your response.

The timeline has now become definite. by DCCCV on 2016-10-07 16:24:00 UTC Reply

It's time to celebrate. Woo!
Hold on... The big 1-0-0?! by Matt Cipher on 2016-10-07 15:42:00 UTC Reply

That can only mean one thing!

CONGRATULATIONS ON REACHING YOUR GOAL, IXIMAZ!

You know what this calls for, right?

Eh, not quite. by Iximaz on 2016-10-07 15:58:00 UTC Reply

My goal is still 100 missions, not stories. Thank you, though!

Awkward... by Matt Cipher on 2016-10-07 15:59:00 UTC Reply

Oh well, prepare for a MUCH BIGGER party, when that happens! Just warnin' ya.

Keep those GIFs around for it. by The Good Mod Addict on 2016-10-07 16:23:00 UTC Reply

Looking forward to all your future work, Iximaz.

Whether you stop at 100 missions or continue on in (ever-increasing) glory!