Because I rather liked it, and I don't understand why people didn't comment on it. It's always nice to see Library get a bit of airtime, and her interactions with Gremlin are amusing and fun to read. This was a good, solid read and I am glad of its existence; I wasn't super active in either Hunger Games's RP element, and I won one of them, so it's kind of got me thinking about doing a brief interlude involving Lola.

Also:-

Agent Cassandra Heath is part of the Department of Implausible Crossovers. Their main fandoms are Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Sherlock Holmes, and Halo, but they keep getting missions into The Inheritance Cycle. A katana is their preferred weapon. A giant spork is something they are known for using to unexpected results. Agent Cassandra Heath is infamous for accidentally setting loose a horde of kittens in HQ. They are considered normal for the PPC.

Agent Melanie Bloxham is part of A/V Division. Their main fandoms are Yu Yu Hakusho, Battlestar Galactica, and Dragonriders of Pern, but they keep getting missions into Harry Potter. A sledgehammer is their preferred weapon. Their fists are something they are known for using to unexpected results. Agent Melanie Bloxham is infamous for accidentally setting loose a horde of kittens in HQ. They are considered normal for the PPC.

===

"I keep telling people, it's not a katana, it's a kiem! Completely different country, completely different swordsmithing traditions, it's more like a jian than anything else, but no, it's Asian and it's a sword, it has to be a katana, which means I wind up listening them blathering on about some Godforsaken animoo rubbish forever an' a day..."

Mel smiled benevolently as Cass continued to rant. They'd met about a year ago, during the Kitten Incident (or, as the Monitor's headline had called it, Apocalypse Meow), and had really hit it off. Like, turn up in each other's RCs only to not leave for weeks hit it off. People said they looked good together, though; Cass was a gangly, bony beanpole with a mane of hair permanently singed at the ends by dragon fire, while Mel had the short and stocky build that suited lugging camera equipment around at a dead run when someone heard the Clown's fateful approach.

She dipped back into the conversation, more of a rant really-

"And that's why they really need to pay more attention, because in Elementary they retain a plot point involving identical twins but use an iris scanner as the lock on the locked-room mystery, which is just daft because even identical twins don't have the same irises, while on Sherlock..."

-and dipped back out again, just smiling and nodding. She knew that when Cassie had built up a head of steam about something it'd be more worth your time to talk a Hiei-lusting agent into going into Face The Strange, so she stroked the tall girl's hand and made the appropriate noises.

Introverts and extroverts made up pretty much every team in the PPC, and they were no exception. Mel was the one who dragged them out to parties and meetings and the occasional agent munch, while Cass just devoured canon books and designed things, from weird tabletop games themed around giant dieselpunk mecha to mods for a game she couldn't even get her RC's monitor to run properly. To look at us now, she thought, you'd think it'd be the other way around.

Perhaps it was, she thought. Perhaps it was.

"Agent Desdendelle is part of Despatch.
Their main fandoms are Tokyo Mew Mew, Doctor Who, and Stargate, but they keep getting missions into Babylon 5.
A shovel is their preferred weapon.
A gun is something they are known for using to unexpected results.
Agent Desdendelle is infamous for singing off-color karaoke to the entire Cafeteria while buzzed on Pink Stuff.
They are considered normal for the PPC."

O...K? Des doesn't know TMM, Stargate or Babylon 5, has nothing to with shovels, and would never ever ever sing in front of a crowd. Even while drunk.

"Agent [name redacted] is part of Despatch.
Their main fandoms are The Lord of the Rings, Firefly, and Redwall, but they keep getting missions into Mass Effect.
A katana is their preferred weapon.
A knife is something they are known for using to unexpected results.
Agent [name redacted] is infamous for finding Carmen Sandiego in the middle of HQ one day.
They are considered weirdly normal."

(Using mine own name.) Fandoms are less off — it's only Firefly I really don't know. I'd never ever pick up a katana, though. And who's Carmen Sandiego?

I got these results:

Agent Akrinor is part of the Repetitive Department of Repetition.
Their main fandoms are Star Wars, comics, and Dragonriders of Pern, but they keep getting missions into The Phantom of the Opera.
A pen usually is their preferred weapon.
A wand is something they are known for using to unexpected results.
Agent Akrinor is infamous for attempting to recreate Burning Man (with actual burning people).
They are considered completely stark raving mad.


and

Agent [Real Name] is part of the Division of Cool and Unusual Punishment.
Their main fandoms are Trigun, Harry Potter, and Firefly, but they keep getting missions into Good Omens.
A mace is their preferred weapon.
A shovel is something they are known for using to unexpected results.
Agent Eike is infamous for being part of a secret book club.
They are considered flamethrower-crazy.

Did it twice, once with my Board handle and with my real name.

Agent SergioTurbo is part of the Division of Multiple Offenses. Well, could make sense.
Their main fandoms are Discworld, Young Wizards, and Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha, but they keep getting missions into Yu Yu Hakusho. MGLN is spot on, but I haven't seen the others.
A chainsaw is their preferred weapon. I think I'd actually have a lot of trouble trying to swing one around with my lack of physcal strength and all.
A rubber chicken is something they are known for using to unexpected results. Adapt. Improvise. Overcome. Both my job and hobbies need a ton of that kind of mindset.
Agent SergioTurbo is infamous for reading bad fanfiction written from inside canon universes. I... guess I would do that, yeah.
They are considered normal for the PPC. Well, I am considered a bit crazy IRL too...

Agent Sergio [REAL SURNAME] is part of the Department of Geographical Aberrations. DOGA? Considering where I work, DoSAT would've fit better.
Their main fandoms are RWBY, The Chronicles of Narnia, and Redwall, but they keep getting missions into Les Misérables. Neither fits. Oh, well.
Fire is their preferred weapon. Sure. I nearly burn myself every time I turn on the stove.
A sledgehammer is something they are known for using to unexpected results. A good hammer goes a long way.
Agent Sergio [REAL SURNAME] is infamous for finding Carmen Sandiego in the middle of HQ one day. ... Makes actually sense. At work, I'm famous for being the one who always knows where any type of part can be found.
They are considered weirdly normal. That's a perfect definition of me.

Well, that was fun. Now, on to read the interlude!

One for my Boarder handle and one for my real first name. Both are amusing. I've added my own commentary in bold.

For Pretzel:

Agent Pretzel is part of the Cafeteria staff. (Not sure how I'd get missions then, but oh well.)

Their main fandoms are Yu Yu Hakusho, Sailor Moon, and Star Wars, but they keep getting missions into One Piece. (I'm only vaguely conversant in Sailor Moon, but I'm happy with Star Wars.)

Their fists are their preferred weapon.

A very heavy book is something they are known for using to unexpected results. (Ah, Books. The greatest weapon there is!)

Agent Pretzel is infamous for telling people pollen is plant sperm. (Hehehe... This does kind of sound like something I'd do...)

They are considered mostly lucid. (Aw, only mostly? Though after working in the Cafeteria, I can see why.)


And now for my real first name...

Agent Christy is part of DoSAT. (Nice. Probably one of the departments I'd actually want to go into.))

Their main fandoms are Kingdom Hearts, Les Misérables, and Inuyasha, but they keep getting missions into Twilight. (Wow. Of all of these, I'm vaguely conversant with Les Mis and hate Twilight with a passion. Huzzah!)

A mace is their preferred weapon. (...I'm assuming it's a very small mace. Anyone who's seen me in RL knows I'm about 5'2" and 110 lbs. I don't think I'm going to be hefting a standard battle mace any time soon.)

A knife is something they are known for using to unexpected results. (Like making tasty food!)

Agent Christy is infamous for being part of a secret book club. (Oh, nice! Wonder what kinds of books are talked about...)

They are considered boringly sane. (Huh. I must've just started at the PPC, then, rather than being... Oh, wow-- an eight-year oldbie. Dang, time flies.)

Agent Tesla is part of the Department of Bad Parody.
Their main fandoms are Young Wizards, Percy Jackson and the Olympians/Heroes of Olympus, and Redwall, but they keep getting missions into Dragon Ball. (Just about accurate)
Sharp words are their preferred weapon. (I'll use whatever I can reach)
Logic is something they are known for using to unexpected results. (2+2 = FISH)
Agent Tesla is infamous for actually being part of the Illuminati. (X-File theme plays in the background)
They are considered flamethrower-crazy.

Using my real name (censored for safety purposes)...

Agent AT is part of Finance.
Their main fandoms are Farscape, Farscape, and Mass Effect, but they keep getting missions into Dragonriders of Pern.
A gun is their preferred weapon.
Anything they can reach is something they are known for using to unexpected results.
Agent AT is infamous for introducing tribbles into the ecosystem of Headquarters.
They are considered mostly lucid.

And my Boarder name...

Agent SkarmorySilver is part of Special Interdepartmental Elven Languages Unit.
Their main fandoms are Stargate, Protectors of the Plot Continuum (wait, what?), and Card Captor Sakura, but they keep getting missions into Discworld.
A rubber chicken is their preferred weapon.
Anything they can reach is something they are known for using to unexpected results.
Agent SkarmorySilver is infamous for accepting and then not completing missions for a solid month, until their department head found out and made them do all of them back to back.
They are considered actually insane.

Agent Delta Juliette is part of the Repetitive Department of Repetition.
Their main fandoms are Redwall, Marvel Cinematic Universe, and Les Misérables, but they keep getting missions into Battlestar Galactica.
Fire is their preferred weapon.
Critical reasoning is something they are known for using to unexpected results.
Agent Delta Juliette is infamous for finding Ms. Frizzle in the middle of HQ one day.
They are considered a pyromaniac but otherwise sane..

This is... surprisingly close to accurate. Redwall was my first fandom, MCU is a canon I enjoy, Le Mis is the only outlier. I have a deep appreciation for both fire and critical reasoning!

I like what you did with Gremlin and Library, although I stumbled over some oddities:

That was even keeping in mind the myriad of schedules the agents who (often grudgingly) used it.
Is there a word missing?

This often led to tables or entire parts of the the cafeteria being deemed off-limits depending on who was eating where, or even what was on currently on the menu.
Repetition and either word order or another repetition.

There was Floaters patch on her jacket...
Missing word "a".


An here's what I got on the agent test:

Agent [censored] is part of the Department of Bad Parody. -- Hey, that was intentional! It were the badfic games, after all.

Their main fandoms are Dragon Ball, Transformers, and The Inheritance Cycle, but they keep getting missions into My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic. – Well, I recognize all four titles, but that's next to all I can say about "my" fandoms. It's fitting that the one I keep getting missions for is the one where I at least remember the names of some protagonists.

A rolled-up newspaper is their preferred weapon. – For hunting gnats? I actually prefer a towel.

A shovel is something they are known for using to unexpected results. – Like, digging myself into a hole?

Agent [censored] is infamous for singing off-color karaoke to the entire Cafeteria while buzzed on Pink Stuff. – That might actually happen; somebody achieving to make me buzzed on Pink Stuff would be the difficult part.

They are considered mostly lucid. – Really? If that were true, I wouldn't be here.


Agent Androia Avatar is part of the Nursery. – No way! She's destined to be an assassin!

Their main fandoms are CLAMP, Battlestar Galactica, and The Chronicles of Narnia, but they keep getting missions into The Legend of Zelda. – One hundred percent wrong.

A giant spork is their preferred weapon. – But she wields it like the staff she lost when she fell through that plothole, and I'm not sure whether that's how it's meant to be used.

A rolled-up newspaper is something they are known for using to unexpected results. – Wasn't that a printout of the wiki?

Agent Androia Avatar is infamous for accidentally doing a strip-tease for the wrong person. – Considering her naivety, that might actually happen.

They are considered actually insane. – How could she not be?


Agent Hieronymus Graubart is part of Despatch. – Considering that he doesn't really feel comfortable in DMS..., but he can't transfer, because Androia wouldn't.

Their main fandoms are The Chronicles of Narnia, Animorphs, and Yu Yu Hakusho, but they keep getting missions into Stargate. – Well, he recognizes three out of four.

A pen usually is their preferred weapon. – That's oddly close to the truth.

A rubber chicken is something they are known for using to unexpected results. – No idea what you mean. Is this a DBP reference?

Agent Hieronymus Graubart is infamous for singing off-color karaoke to the entire Cafeteria while buzzed on Pink Stuff. – I'm not longer sure who we are talking about.

They are considered a pyromaniac but otherwise sane... – That's really odd. I've been thinking about Pyros occasionally, but they wouldn't be Hieronymus.

HG

I really like the way you weave together a bunch of different strands - the agents' fleeting encounters in two separate violent events becomes an actual theme, not just a coincidence. And it's always nice to see a depiction of the Cafeteria which really captures the feel of the place.

hS

First, my agents.

Agent Richard Legard is part of the Department of Character Protective Services.
Their main fandoms are Yu Yu Hakusho, CLAMP, and A Song of Ice and Fire, but they keep getting missions into Firefly.
Critical reasoning is their preferred weapon.
A giant spork is something they are known for using to unexpected results.
Agent Richard Legard is infamous for reading bad fiction from the 1600s aloud through the corridors.
They are considered not all there.

Now, I can iagine him in this department, reading ASoIaF, a bit CLAMP... But no knowledge of the two others. Lie the weapon and th surprise, and the rest of the trivia is adequate.

Agent Marina Nicodelli is part of Building Maintenance.
Their main fandoms are The Inheritance Cycle, Babylon 5, and The Phantom of the Opera, but they keep getting missions into Tokyo Mew Mew.
A longsword is their preferred weapon.
A katana is something they are known for using to unexpected results.
Agent Marina Nicodelli is infamous for telling people pollen is plant sperm.
They are considered a little crazy for the PPC.

Hum, I've got a massive nothing here about Marina. Maybe other could see her as crazy, but for the rest... I'd totally like these weapons for me, though

And after that, results for my Boarder pseudo and real name!

Agent Richard redacted is part of the Division of Cool and Unusual Punishment.
Their main fandoms are Kingdom Hearts, Dragon Ball, and The Legend of Zelda, but they keep getting missions into The Phantom of the Opera.
A lightsaber is their preferred weapon.
A chainsaw is something they are known for using to unexpected results.
Agent Richard is infamous for getting too heated about whether a certain fanfiction was a Mary Sue fic or not and ending it with a duel.
They are considered boringly sane.

Alright, I can see me in this department, and I read DB, but my knowledge about the other ones... Like the lightsabeer, ut I don't have the build for a chainsaw. Besides, Zombie Survival Guide explains well why it's a bad idea. The duel, verbal perhaps, but I'm pretty sure I don't fit the boringly sane bill at all.

Agent Hardric is part of the Department of Bad Slash.
Their main fandoms are Young Wizards, Battlestar Galactica, and The Legend of Zelda, but they keep getting missions into Young Wizards.
A knife is their preferred weapon.
A shovel is something they are known for using to unexpected results.
Agent Hardric is infamous for accidentally preventing themselves from being born in one universe.
They are considered normal for the PPC.

Hahaha, no. I'm not going near Bad Slash if I can avoid it, even with a pretty long pole. Once again, blank with the fandoms, although I'll have to give Young Wizards a try someday. Knife and shovel? Why not. Normal PPCer, I can see that, and, well, I think I could be light-headed enough to provoke this...

Agent doctorlit is part of the Bad Role-play Department.
Their main fandoms are Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Harry Potter, and Battlestar Galactica, but they keep getting missions into Protectors of the Plot Continuum (wait, what?).
A pen usually is their preferred weapon.
A giant spork is something they are known for using to unexpected results.
Agent doctorlit is infamous for giving safe *** lectures to Luxury.
They are considered boringly sane.

DMFF would have been most appropriate, but I would be okay with BRD. I've never watched Battlestar, but the other two fandoms are correct. And yes: I am a frequent user of pens, and boringly sane. I doubt Lux needs that lecture, though, considering she's managed not to get pregnant in thirteen years now.

Agent Doc is part of the Department of Temporal Offenses.
Their main fandoms are The Phantom of the Opera, Discworld, and The Inheritance Cycle, but they keep getting missions into The Phantom of the Opera.
Critical reasoning is their preferred weapon.
A very heavy book is something they are known for using to unexpected results.
Agent Doc is infamous for the Great Biting Incident of 2010.
They are considered completely stark raving mad.

. . .
You somehow engineered my agent to get the Bite, didn't you? Because I asked about it in the interlude? Yeah, you totally did. Well, the book and the reasoning are accurate, the department is funny considering my most recent published mission involved temporal distortion. Only Phantom is correct as a fandom, though.

Agent Vania Tolluk is part of FicPsych.
Their main fandoms are Percy Jackson and the Olympians/Heroes of Olympus, Yu Yu Hakusho, and Mass Effect, but they keep getting missions into Star Trek.
A whip is their preferred weapon.
A giant spork is something they are known for using to unexpected results.
Agent Vania Tolluk is infamous for balloon sword-fights on wheeled chairs through the corridors.
They are considered a pyromaniac but otherwise sane.

Vania needs FicPsych herself; I don't think she would do as a nurse there. I suspect she would spend most of her "work" time doing the wheeled sword-fight thing. Mass Effect would hypothetically be a fandom for her, though I haven't had a chance to play it yet.

Agent Séverine is part of the Department of Personnel.
Their main fandoms are Avatar, Animorphs, and Kingdom Hearts, but they keep getting missions into My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic.
A longsword is their preferred weapon.
A rolled-up newspaper is something they are known for using to unexpected results.
Agent Séverine is infamous for propositioning one of the Flowers.
They are considered not all there.

Only thing appropriate here is the rolled-up newspaper, considering her partner is part dog.

Agent Yoof is part of the Division of Mpreg.
Their main fandoms are Inuyasha, Protectors of the Plot Continuum (wait, what?), and Star Trek, but they keep getting missions into My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic.
Fire is their preferred weapon.
A gun is something they are known for using to unexpected results.
Agent Yoof is infamous for telling lewd jokes to the Flowers until everyone present gets flustered.
They are considered mostly lucid.

Nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnno.

I'll just do my two main Nursery kids, at least for now. Let's see one possible future for them!

Agent Mollie is part of the Department of Geographical Aberrations.
Their main fandoms are World of Warcraft, Star Trek, and Firefly, but they keep getting missions into The Phantom of the Opera.
Sharp words are their preferred weapon.
A lightsaber is something they are known for using to unexpected results.
Agent Mollie is infamous for propositioning one of the Time Lords-in-Exile.
They are considered mostly lucid.

She comes far from her Disney roots. At least she gets a lightsaber—that's Disney, right?

Agent Ollie is part of the All-Purpose Department.
Their main fandoms are One Piece, Good Omens, and RWBY, but they keep getting missions into Twilight.
Logic is their preferred weapon.
A gun is something they are known for using to unexpected results.
Agent Ollie is infamous for accidentally doing a strip-tease for the wrong person.
They are considered not all there.

Man. Four separate APD Divisions? Unheard of!

Agent Miss MacKinnon is part of the Department of Personnel.
Their main fandoms are Yu Yu Hakusho, Sherlock Holmes, and Star Trek, but they keep getting missions into Stargate.
A wand is their preferred weapon.
A giant spork is something they are known for using to unexpected results.
Agent Miss MacKinnon is infamous for finding Ms. Frizzle in the middle of HQ one day.
They are considered completely stark raving mad.

Oh my glod I am writing that someday nobody else touch I have dibs now.

Who else do I have . . .

Agent Who is part of the Department of Misplaced Flora and Fauna.
Their main fandoms are Kingdom Hearts, Inuyasha, and Halo, but they keep getting missions into A Song of Ice and Fire.
Fire is their preferred weapon.
A knife is something they are known for using to unexpected results.
Agent Who is infamous for completing a mission in reverse.
They are considered mostly lucid.

Agent Paul is part of the Department of Technical Errors.
Their main fandoms are Tokyo Mew Mew, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and Inuyasha, but they keep getting missions into Sherlock Holmes.
A pen usually is their preferred weapon.
A rolled-up newspaper is something they are known for using to unexpected results.
Agent Paul is infamous for propositioning one of the Flowers.
They are considered flamethrower-crazy.

Agent Fr’sst is part of the Department of Angst.
Their main fandoms are World of Warcraft, Dragon Ball, and Transformers, but they keep getting missions into comics.
A mace is their preferred weapon.
A chainsaw is something they are known for using to unexpected results.
Agent Fr’sst is infamous for finding Carmen Sandiego in the middle of HQ one day.
They are considered weirdly normal.

Yeah, that prompt is also happening. Dibs.

And some non-PPC characters?

Agent Marilena del Rena is part of the Eclectic Subdivision of Advanced Species.
Their main fandoms are comics, One Piece, and RWBY, but they keep getting missions into Babylon 5.
A boomerang is their preferred weapon.
A katana is something they are known for using to unexpected results.
Agent Marilena del Rena is infamous for accidentally making one of the dead authors spin in their grave so hard that Headquarters experienced a power surge.
They are considered weirdly normal.

Agent Aster Holt is part of Intelligence.
Their main fandoms are The Lord of the Rings, Stargate, and Les Misérables, but they keep getting missions into comics.
A mace is their preferred weapon.
Cafeteria food is something they are known for using to unexpected results.
Agent Aster Holt is infamous for catching a phoenix on fire.
They are considered actually insane.

And my real name:
Agent [] is part of Building Maintenance.
Their main fandoms are comics, One Piece, and RWBY, but they keep getting missions into Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha.
Sharp words are their preferred weapon.
A rubber chicken is something they are known for using to unexpected results.
Agent [] is infamous for reading bad fanfiction written from inside canon universes.
They are considered boringly sane.

Ugh, animes, no. I like sharp words. And the line about in-universe fics is extremely apt, considering my view of the multiverse; plus, that was part of the premise of my second mission.

I need to head to work soon, but I think I'll drop the rest of my Nursery kids in here later.

—and doctorlit has a lot of Nursery kids concepted

Agent SC (censoring just in case) is part of the Department of Mary Sues.
Their main fandoms are Stargate, comics, and Kingdom Hearts, but they keep getting missions into Doctor Who.
A giant spork is their preferred weapon.
A heavy purse is something they are known for using to unexpected results.
Agent SC is infamous for letting a Ypur loose in the Sorting Room.
They are considered a pyromaniac but otherwise sane.

...What??

My alias' results are also interesting. (By which I mean, "off-base but also amusing")
Agent eatpraylove is part of the Division of Multiple Offenses.
Their main fandoms are Protectors of the Plot Continuum (wait, what?), Doctor Who, and Star Trek, but they keep getting missions into Harry Potter.
A giant spork is their preferred weapon.
Cafeteria food is something they are known for using to unexpected results.
Agent eatpraylove is infamous for attempting to recreate Burning Man (with actual burning people).
They are considered boringly sane.

Agent Mattman The Comet is part of the Department of Temporal Offenses.
Their main fandoms are Supernatural, comics, and Redwall, but they keep getting missions into The Phantom of the Opera.
A pen usually is their preferred weapon.
A rubber chicken is something they are known for using to unexpected results.
Agent Mattman The Comet is infamous for finding Ms. Frizzle in the middle of HQ one day.
They are considered a pyromaniac but otherwise sane..

...Wut

Now for the real me!

Agent Matthew Walsh is part of Intelligence.
Their main fandoms are The Chronicles of Narnia, My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic, and Animorphs, but they keep getting missions into Transformers.
A whip is their preferred weapon.
A rubber chicken is something they are known for using to unexpected results.
Agent Matthew Walsh is infamous for challenging someone else to a tea duel.
They are considered boringly sane.

...More wut

and brushed off his clean, unobtrusive business suit with the kind of conventionality that would have fit right in with the apron-equipped housewife of a 1950s American suburban household.
While John Clamp, the protagonist of his favourite fandom, CLAMP, had spent the last fourteen pages of badfic brutalising passing puppies, winking at nearby schoolgirls, and generally acting nothing like his (ever famous) canon self, Larfen knew better than to overreact, or add some kind of rude, critical commentary to the situation.
No. Larfen always said: 'A negative attitude leads to a negative mission!' amongst 'Practice makes perfect!' and 'Slow and steady wins the race!' and other statements he was sure were very meaningful and intelligent, and made his higher-ups think he was a very meaningful and intelligent person. He was a professional, who knew all the ins and outs of being a proper PPC agent. He had won employee of the week over four times, so far, and couldn't even count how many times he had been called a 'star player'. He spent all his free time by the local water cooler, chatting about things like the weather, the game, cars, mortgages, accounting, and other such burning topics.

It had been three weeks since he had entered the fic, and Larfen had finally decided his charge list was of suitable length. He spent more time collecting it into his bag, added the classic 'Angering agents!' to the end of it with a flourish of his pen and a quaint chuckle and, five weeks and three days into his mission, he made for the kill.
'John Clamp, or replacement thereof,'
John Clamp or replacement thereof spun around like a dog caught in the middle of browsing through inappropriate websites, urple hair swishing and whooshing through the air.
'What?'
'You are hereby charged for, section one: Character Disruptions, division oh point one: causing canon characters to be, subsection one: token lecherous jerks, subsection two: token homophobic jerks, subsection three: and/or woobies when they otherwise...'
An hour rolled by.
'Division four point five, subsection four: having a speshul name, subsection four point fifty eight: having an improbable appearance, subsection five: creating...'
The earth rotated. Plants grew. People were born. Some people died. The ones in between were, respectively, very happy and very sad. The sun went down. The sun went up.
'Section kli-alpha: subsection fifty: trivialisation of triple homocide, subsection nine and a half: misuse of the colour blue, particularly within the context of...'
Needless to say, it was very easy to assassinate a replacement when they had lapsed into bored unconsciousness.

'It's as I always say: a positive attitude makes for a positive mission.' Larfen chuckled aristocratically at his clever wordplay. The mission had gone splendidly, as they always did. The CLAMP continuum was safer than a block of wood in a complex mechanism designed to keep it still when being worked on.
'So, how's the wife?' He asked, winking a wink that was drenched in mischievous camaraderie (Larfen was never above the famous 'whacky hijinks' of his fellow agents.)
Larfen never found out how the wife was, of course. Everybody who hadn't gone the John Clamp replacement route and dropped into sleep on the spot had gone out in search of more interesting entertainment. The local wet paint and growing grass had never received such enraptured attention.
Larfen was more than happy with this - it was not interrelational connection that drove his existence, rather, the joy of a job well done and the dangling carrot that was the possibility of promotion.
And a job well done it had been. And a carrot well dangled it was.

Let's see,

Agent Kitty is part of the Department of Technical Errors.
Their main fandoms are CLAMP, Trigun, and Sailor Moon, but they keep getting missions into Babylon 5.
Cafeteria food is their preferred weapon.
A rubber chicken is something they are known for using to unexpected results.
Agent Kitty is infamous for challenging someone else to a tea duel.
They are considered a pyromaniac but otherwise sane.

...not entirely accurate, since I don't know any of those fandoms, but the pyromaniac bit sounds almost exactly like what my entire school believes me to be after an unfortunate incident in Year 8.

Agent Huinesoron is part of Special Interdepartmental Elven Languages Unit.

That sounds like me.

Their main fandoms are Babylon 5, Halo, and Supernatural, but they keep getting missions into Naruto.

That... doesn't. I've never seen/played any of any of those.

A heavy purse is their preferred weapon.

You say purse, I say backpack, but in general I can see this.

A bow is something they are known for using to unexpected results.

Are you picking on my aim?!

Agent Huinesoron is infamous for completing a mission in reverse.

Ooh. I like that idea. Now, how to make it work...?

They are considered not all there.

:D

hS

Agent Matt Cipher is part of the Division of Bad Het. I can see myself working there, yes.
Their main fandoms are Sailor Moon, One Piece, and Sherlock Holmes, but they keep getting missions into The Inheritance Cycle. Two out of four. Not bad.
A sledgehammer is their preferred weapon. Gimme!
A whip is something they are known for using to unexpected results. You mean, wounding every living thing in the area? 'Cause that would definitely happen.
Agent Matt Cipher is infamous for challenging someone else to a tea duel. Oh, it is on! I'm looking at you, Des!
They are considered not all there. Uhh... As much as I hate to admit, that's true.


Okay, now let's check the real me!

Agent Maciej Budny is part of the Department of Plagiarism. Hmm... yeah, I think I could handle it.
Their main fandoms are Avatar, Good Omens, and comics, but they keep getting missions into Supernatural. Ooh! Better! Three out of four!
A shovel is their preferred weapon. Eh, gimme the sledge back!
A longsword is something they are known for using to unexpected results. You mean, slashing every living thing in the area? 'Cause that would definitely happen.
Agent Maciej Budny is infamous for accepting and then not completing missions for a solid month, until their department head found out and made them do all of them back to back. That's... not un-true. I'm kinda doing it now.
They are considered normal for the PPC. That's not necessarily a good thing.

One with my board name, and one with my real one. Then, just for fun, Marvin and Printworthy. Because I just want to see how close it gets.

World-Jumper:
Agent World-Jumper is part of Medical.
Their main fandoms are Animorphs, The Phantom of the Opera, and The Legend of Zelda, but they keep getting missions into Mass Effect.
A gun is their preferred weapon.
A wand is something they are known for using to unexpected results.
Agent World-Jumper is infamous for catching a fire on fire.
They are considered normal for the PPC.

Real name (censored, because having your legit name on the internet is unwise):
Agent [REDACTED] is part of the Department of Floaters.
Their main fandoms are Sherlock Holmes, Farscape, and Young Wizards, but they keep getting missions into My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic.
A knife is their preferred weapon.
A bow is something they are known for using to unexpected results.
Agent [REDACTED] is infamous for setting water on fire.
They are considered not all there.

Marvin:
Agent Marvin Jones is part of the Department of Geographical Aberrations.
Their main fandoms are The Lord of the Rings, comics, and Good Omens, but they keep getting missions into Twilight.
A pen usually is their preferred weapon.
A katana is something they are known for using to unexpected results.
Agent Marvin Jones is infamous for a triple knockout in Quiddich.
They are considered normal for the PPC.

Printworthy:
Agent Printworthy is part of DAVD Intelligence.
Their main fandoms are Doctor Who, Tokyo Mew Mew, and The Chronicles of Narnia, but they keep getting missions into Sailor Moon.
Their fists are their preferred weapon.
A very heavy book is something they are known for using to unexpected results.
Agent Printworthy is infamous for having a rap battle with a Mary Sue.
They are considered normal for the PPC.

My thoughts:
I like how only my real self even goes to MLP, but it's not even one of his preferred fandoms. I am surprised how accurate Printworthy could be. I have no idea that Tokyo Mew Mew is, I assume some anime, but he does love Narnia, and admits Doctor Who is a guilty pleasure. I can totally see him using a heavy book in various strange ways currently unknown to humankind. Also, Printworthy going into a impromptu high speed rhythmic rhyming match against some pretentious Mary Sue is such a brilliant idea, that I'm stealing it. You know, assuming I get to it. But yeah, otherwise, not accurate at all.

Especially not the fact that both versions of me set things on fire.

That's not accurate at all.

Nope.

Agent Badger421 is part of the Department of Floaters.
I always figured myself for an Assassin, but I guess I could handle Floaters.

Their main fandoms are Discworld, World of Warcraft, and Supernatural, but they keep getting missions into The Phantom of the Opera.
To my shame I have yet to read Discworld, I have never seen Phantom of the Opera, I stopped keeping up with Warcraft after Frozen Throne, and I only made it to season five of Supernatural, so I think the Floating Hyacinth hates me.

A katana is their preferred weapon.
The katana is pretty much my least favorite sword, so I really can't imagine what would drive me to use it as a primary weapon

A mace is something they are known for using to unexpected results.
Now that I can absolutely see myself doing.

Agent Badger421 is infamous for accidentally doing a strip-tease for the wrong person.
I... I don't... What.

They are considered mostly lucid.
Well, that's good, then. I like to think I'd be one of the more lucid agents on staff.

Agent Granz is part of the Department of Mary Sues.

Well, I would have thought I'd be in Floaters, but MS isn't too terrible, especially since I get to visit lots of different fandoms.

Their main fandoms are My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic, CLAMP, and Harry Potter, but they keep getting missions into Stargate.

Er, huh? CLAMP? What the bunny is that? And the only things I know about Stargate are from Thomas and Orken's missions, so I doubt I could do much there. Spot on with the MLP:FiM and Harry Potter, though.

A katana is their preferred weapon.

While I don't actually know how to use one, if I were an agent, this is totally what I'd use.

A whip is something they are known for using to unexpected results.

... How did you know I wanted to use one of these and be crazy awesome when I was little? ... Backs away slowly.

Agent Granz is infamous for temporarily developing superpowers that one time.

Wait, I didn't get to hold on to them? Well that stinks! How'd that happen, anyways? I can think of plenty of ways to get powers, but not many to lose them.

They are considered a little crazy for the PPC.

If by 'a little crazy' you mean 'rather annoying', yes, I'd say that's fairly accurate.

Agent DCCCV, or Bryan. is part of the Nursery.
Their main fandoms are Battlestar Galactica, A Song of Ice and Fire, and Avatar, but they keep getting missions into Star Wars.
A bow is their preferred weapon.
A shovel is something they are known for using to unexpected results.
Agent DCCCV, or Bryan. is infamous for challenging someone else to a tea duel.
They are considered not all there.

Me in a nutshell, ladies and gentlemen.
Me in a nutshell.

Half of these things would be applicable to me, in all seriousness.

Agent sonofheaven176 is part of the Division of Mpreg.
Their main fandoms are Card Captor Sakura, Stargate, and Dragonriders of Pern, but they keep getting missions into Dragon Ball.
A sledgehammer is their preferred weapon.
A pen usually is something they are known for using to unexpected results.
Agent sonofheaven176 is infamous for a triple knockout in Quiddich.
They are considered a pyromaniac but otherwise sane..

((There's a Division of Mpreg? And why the double period at the end? Maybe it was supposed to be an ellipsis?))

Agent Phobos is part of Finance.
Their main fandoms are Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha, and Young Wizards, but they keep getting missions into CLAMP.
A giant spork is their preferred weapon.
A very heavy book is something they are known for using to unexpected results.
Agent Phobos is infamous for creative 'accounting'.

They are considered mostly lucid.


It's okay. I'm only mostly lucid.

-Phobos

Agent Silenthunder is part of Medical.
Their main fandoms are My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic, Firefly, and World of Warcraft, but they keep getting missions into Dragonriders of Pern.
A lightsaber is their preferred weapon.
A knife is something they are known for using to unexpected results.
Agent Silenthunder is infamous for accidentally getting dyed blue for a month.
They are considered completely stark raving mad.

I hope to see Gremlin and Library interact more; it was cool seeing them bond over what could have been a potentially divisive event. Though now I want to know what went down during Quidditch...

As for the Agent Test:

Agent Sabrina is part of the Division of Multiple Offenses.
Their main fandoms are Star Trek, The Chronicles of Narnia, and CLAMP, but they keep getting missions into Supernatural.
A heavy purse is their preferred weapon.
Logic is something they are known for using to unexpected results.
Agent Sabrina is infamous for reading bad fiction from the 1600s aloud through the corridors.
They are considered completely stark raving mad.

Not too far off, I must say so myself. :P Agent Iximaz isn't quite so good:

Agent Iximaz is part of the Cafeteria staff.
Their main fandoms are The Lord of the Rings, The Lord of the Rings, and The Chronicles of Narnia, but they keep getting missions into Les Misérables.
Critical reasoning is their preferred weapon.
A pen usually is something they are known for using to unexpected results.
Agent Iximaz is infamous for proposing a threesome to Luxury.
They are considered boringly sane.

The rest, though...

Agent Neshomeh is part of the Department of WhatThe.
Their main fandoms are The Phantom of the Opera, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and Good Omens, but they keep getting missions into The Lord of the Rings.
Their fists are their preferred weapon.
A gun is something they are known for using to unexpected results.
Agent Neshomeh is infamous for propositioning one of the Time Lords-in-Exile.
They are considered actually insane.

Me using a gun would certainly be unexpected, that's for sure. ^_^;

I'll have to read the interlude later. I look forward to it!

~Neshomeh