I find I write funny lines, then delete the rest of the story, so have a bunch of funny quotes floating around my desktop.
Here's a couple both from my only attempt at urban fantasy:
Elliot fiddled with the device, "I don't think it has a setting for beaver ... oh."
Lorraine grabbed it out of his hand and read from the screen, "Beaver, large anthropomorphic. Beaver, normal sized anthropomorphic. Those poor non-anthropomorphic beavers"

"I'm not killing Santa.' Elliot protested. "My nieces would organise a lynch mob."

But I didn't draw babysitting duty this time, so yay!

I'm fresh out of funny quotes without context, so I'll give you some funny context. In a YA story I'm working on, which deals with some of the law enforcement in a world run on fairy tales, there are plenty of magical artifacts running around, including things like the cauldron of plenty and a cauldron of rebirth. One of the guards gets summoned to a domestic disturbance after someone tried to make lamb and lentil stew in what they thought was a cauldron of plenty...

May your leftovers last for weeks and your waistbands blow their seams - unless you were smart like me and wore sweatpants for the occasion! HA!

Seriously, though, why is everyone still online while there's good food to be eaten? -face-dives into food- THIS IS EATING. DO IT. EAT WITH ME.

-multiple faceplants into food to the tune of 'Pendulum' by Witchcraft-