Subject: More Keiko!
Author:
Posted on: 2016-09-11 17:19:00 UTC
The fic is a mess, but the mission is sure great. And the way you end it is really interesting.
Now, Keiko, Homura Akemi would like to discuss with you about the importance of firearms for a magical girl. She has... other opinions about this.
And a last point, a small typo here: after they shoot its tyres off.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1qlsX5XuEYoUDaLguZrFaV-OF2nn6LTsdoSi7JKMFtT0/pub
In which Keiko gets assigned a very perticular mission, and an old SpecOps team is temporarily reassembled in order to help her.
Oh, and the fic sporked is actually a old shame of mine.
I like how Keiko and your old team dealt with this old shame of yours (especially the "chibi versions").
Alas, you still have this a/an problem I may have mentioned previously:
Corolla rubbed her chin in thought for a bit before opening an holographic window.
Should be "a holographic window" (you got it right the other four times).
KITT is black and can move silently, but it’s still a car going around in a empty city.
Should be "an empty city".
That’s an heavy-duty military truck.
Should be "a heavy-duty military truck".
"Hm? What’s funny?" Corolla asked, raising a eyebrow.
Should be "an eyebrow".
Other technical errors I noticed:
The quartet ended up in front of big, generic palace surrounded by a tall wall.
I guess there is an "a" missing.
Icy looked like she wanted to say something, but the bad writing was clearly affecting her thought processes. "Uh... Yes. Go on with your your patrol," she managed in the end.
Well, that may actually be the bad writing affecting Icy’s speech process, too.
"Ok, where the hell we are?" Sergio asked.
"I wonder where we are" would be correct, but in a question, word order should be reversed: "Ok, where the hell are we?"
HG
Reposting the link in the case it changed:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1qlsX5XuEYoUDaLguZrFaV-OF2nn6LTsdoSi7JKMFtT0/pub
The fic is a mess, but the mission is sure great. And the way you end it is really interesting.
Now, Keiko, Homura Akemi would like to discuss with you about the importance of firearms for a magical girl. She has... other opinions about this.
And a last point, a small typo here: after they shoot its tyres off.
... who the Aunt Kuroko from the other mission is implied to be? (Though it's kind of spoiler from Blank Sprite)
How's Chapter Six coming along?
As usual, I have too many stuff under progress at the time, so I basically have to take turns.
Next turn is IrregularS' next chapter, then it is Blank Sprite time.
Thanks kido.
Would you like another pair of eyes to go over this? Because I'm noticing a lot of errors as I read, mostly involving the punctuation around quotations.