Subject: Re: Mission
Author:
Posted on: 2012-11-21 03:20:00 UTC

The pacing in this mission is excellent. The action keeps moving right along, showing the reader everything the badfic does wrong and why it's wrong, and getting to the climax without bogging down anywhere along the way. I like that the agents' identities as a Time Lord and a GLaDOS-clone are shown off and discussed just a bit, without it interrupting the flow of the mission.

I do admit that I'm not quite clear on the role that demons and angels normally play in this continuum. It sort of seems like angels are usually the bad guys? I wouldn't have minded some more info on that, and the nature of the Eva robots.

I particularly enjoyed the fight scene at the end, especially the dialogue you gave the Sue, and Evie's responses, which kept it from becoming a giant punch-fest. It was especially nice that Issei showed off personality traits of both angels and Sues, there.

A few typos:
"There space inside the device shimmered and a standard hunting-type knife materialised."

"The purple Unit hang in place, retrieved its pistol and blew the demon’s head to pieces before falling back to Earth without a scratch."

There are also a bunch of Âs floating around throughout the mission. I suspect they're the result of coding wonk, since they all seem to show up at the start of a new paragraph, or where a comma should have been. An Edit-Find search should show them all.

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