Subject: Don't worry, I have your back.
Author:
Posted on: 2016-08-18 17:43:00 UTC
So don't worry about losing your spine. Trust me, when it's returned, it'll be better than new. As a bonus, if you lose or ruin your imagination during your examination, I'll purchase you a new one.
So then.
Not too long ago, I broke a record: Valon Vance and Kala Jeng now have the most missions in the Department of Floaters.
It was a nice feeling, but something's been bothering me since that mission's release.
See, I've tried to break formula a few times in the past; every single time, I got shouted down by the community and had to scrap the ideas completely. After all of that, I've been too scared to stray from the PPC formula.
But now that I have over twenty PPC stories, I'm really concerned about something.
Namely, getting stale.
Missions are, at their core, the same thing over and over again, and you can only vary your jokes so much. Eventually, you'll exhaust everything that the formula lets you do, and you're left with the basic "follow, charge, kill/exorcize/disentangle" process.
I'm too afraid of backlash to try anything new, but at the same time, if I keep things the same, I'll bore my readers... All five of them. (I don't kid myself, I can count the number of PPCers who actually follow my stories on one hand.)
This is a conundrum I don't know how to deal with, because I only see three bad options: try something new and have everyone hate it, keep things the same and bore everyone, or stop writing altogether.
Consider a sitcom. A classic sitcom, like Seinfeld or It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia or Red Dwarf. Those shows adhered to a formula, but they worked because while the setup for a show was formulaic, the character interaction and arcs kept the whole thing moving. Everyone might have stayed fairly similar, but they evolved over time. That's what good PPC writing tries to achieve. Sure, you can do distinct breaks from the formula - I've got a few projects like that on the boil myself, including one almost entirely done in haiku - but it's not necessarily what people are here for. There's nothing inherently wrong with having a formula, if that formula consistently results in high-quality writing. I don't think it's something that you need to be afraid of. =]
I have only one character arc planned at this point in time. I'm reluctant to initiate it, though, because it basically revolves around me being a prick to one of my characters and thus might end up being somewhat dark.
Eventually, I'm going to run out of off-the-cuff stories to tell with Valon, Kala and Stephanie. Their arcs are concluded, and I'm not sure if there even are any more stories I could tell with them, within the context of the PPC anyway.
Being a prick to your characters is the foundation of good writing. Kill your darlings an' all that. Besides, stuff can be dark as well as funny; just remember to balance everything out.
I know you don't like her very much, or at least you never used to, but the Notary is a pretty good example of this. She's a horrible, appalling, atrocious person. We've also briefly seen one of her past regenerations that indicated she wasn't always like that; something happened to make her that way. I just haven't got round to telling people what it is yet. She does have an arc revolving around going to a pretty dark place and coming out better for it, and it'll take a while to get there but that's why I'm writing the character.
To be honest with you, mate, I tend to view the actual mission portion of a PPC mission as something of an ancillary concern. We're here to laugh at the badfic, yeah, but we end up staying for the characters. We want to see their reactions to it, in a setting that allows them to do this. If we didn't, we'd be writing MST3K-style sporkings like every other collection of snarky, snobbish pseudo-comedians on the Internet. The characters and their stories are important, so if you've got a story for them, tell it. It'll be interesting! =]
Thank God no-one here does any of those, eh?
Why, anyone who does those must be really... bad!
Phew, good thing we've none of those buggers, am I right?
Eh-heh! Eh-heh!
Prepare your brain as you would for your monthly vivisection.
It's in my head and my head is on my neck which is on my body is that good enough I'm not experienced in this?!
Er, um, errrr?!
So don't worry about losing your spine. Trust me, when it's returned, it'll be better than new. As a bonus, if you lose or ruin your imagination during your examination, I'll purchase you a new one.
I am forwarding this to the Department of Alteration for a Category J brain-scan. Your consciousness may be withheld for a period of some weeks while your purity assessment is ongoing; a temporary replacement will be provided. I am obliged to inform you that should your previous personality contain hints of infected thought, the Department of Alteration is empowered to overwrite that personality and replace it with a more socially acceptable version. A party of DoA officials will be with you shortly. Try not to bleed on their jackboots.
*Frantically turns and looks around as I'm steadily pulled away*
This will not affect the amount of government-sanctioned sick leave you have accrued over your years of service in the Outer Party. If a personality transplant is required, any and all credits assigned to your previous personality will be transferred, and all previous thoughtcrime-related demerits and file tags will be removed! We believe in a fresh start here at the Department of Alteration, almost as much as we believe in the Party.
So will you.
[crackle]oncept of the Department of Alteration is a LIE ma[crackle]y the so-called 'Part[crackle] is no such thing as a Department of A[crackle]deed, the 'Party' is nothing but a tiny fringe gr[crackle] no authority.
You live in a free, demo[crackle]ate. Don't let the mind-altering propoganda of [crackle]wash you into believing their lies! They can only con[crackle] if you let th[signal lost]