I liked the mission, even though I didn't know anything about the canon.

The whole thing where Richard and Marina obliquely build up the plan because they know that if anyone spells out the plan in detail, it has to go wrong because that's just how things work in stories was funny.

And instant portal was certainly the right reaction to that unfortunate (I hope) typo.

Using a neuralyzer to set up for the kill was a good idea.

Any shred of dignity Ricard had left went down the drain when he took his still sheathed swordstick and waved it at the mini, to the latter’s glee.
Who’s Ricard? A mini-Agent?

The dummy had also take another appearance once the Wraith took possession of it.
That’s a weird sentence. The correct past perfect would be "had taken". But since the dummy taking a new appearance happened either while or after (not before) the Wraith taking possession of it, you need either past tense or past perfect in both cases or, if you want different tenses, should shift them around: "The dummy also took another appearance once the Wraith had taken possession of it. "

Do you intentionally treat the unbelievable hair and whining eyes like they are persons (who should actually be "which" in both cases)? In a weird way, it works for me.

‘She just transfers [...] if that’s her level in English,” she said ...
There’s the mismatched quotation mark Anonymous mentioned.

Marina grunted, slipping through more pages of the manga to find scenes confirming this.
Are you sure you got the right word? You may have meant "flipping".

Complete with a cable linking the Sue and him.
I’m confused. Why is the cable linking the Sue and Richard? Or is it meant to link the Sue and the bird? Why is the bird male?

... he hissed, her face getting more and more angry with every word.
Did Richard suddenly turn female?

How bad it is?
Should be "How bad is it?"

Did you ever heard about the internet version of trolls?
Should be "hear" (infinitive).

... in the sole purpose of stirring up hate, wouldn’t it?” She said ...
Since the sentence that started with part of what she said, is continued with "she said, looking mildly annoyed", "she" should not be capitalized. (Yes, even when she said more than one sentence.)

Plan work better when people know how they work.
Shouldn’t this be "Plans" (plural)?

“I guess that would work,”she went back to the Sue and the other characters discussing ...
There is at least a space missing. But I don’t believe that "she went back ..." works as a speech tag. Thus, these should actually be two sentences.

... the Sue acted all high-and saintly ...
Don’t you need another hyphen there?

You mean, we apply the plan which give us a chance of killing her?
Should be "gives" (third person present tense).

... Richard said, stopping dead in its tracks.
Should be "his".

HG

I believe I saw a misplaced quote somewhere in the first half of it. Sorry I can't remember where. I am also sorry that I can't say why I didn't finish reading it.

CIPHER REACTS!

Awww, the opening scene is sooo adorable, with Richard unintentionally playing with Yale. :D

"Yale didn't think it was a really impressive throw" killed me.

"Yale approached him at this moment, only for Richard to move his leg away when the mini tried to lick it." Okay, is Yale going to become the most adorable mini ever? Because I thought having an educated Balrog would be the pinnacle.

Please tell me Rick and Mari are going to Magical Girl themselves! Oh please, oh please, oh please...

How does "a stereotypic representation of a Londonian" look? A moustache? A golf cap? A monocle?

Moaning toast? Oo And I though Cryberry Pie from Chowder was bad.
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*Japan-picker wakes up* Her name makes completely no sense grammar-wise! First of all - BOTH 'TACHIBANA' AND 'TANAKA' ARE SURNAMES! THAT'S LIKE AN AMERICAN CALLED BANNER COLBERT.

Next! The possibilities to represent Tachibana in kanji are as follows: ricefield & middle (田中), many & middle (多中), many & relationship (多仲), another & middle (他中), shelf & low (棚下), shelf & summer (棚夏), many & name & congratulation (多名賀)

NEXT! Representation of Tanaka in kanji is either 橘 or 立花

There is NO POSSIBLE WAY for this name to be composed of kanji symbols for 'god' (神), 'beauty' (美), and 'mystery' (謎) [not 'mysterious' because kanji represent singular NOUNS]

Okay... I'm calm now. The Japan-picker goes to slumber.
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I feel like this fic is physically weakening me. . .

Whoa boy, that was one heck of a ride. I know absolutely nothing about PMMM, but you made it sound bad enough for me to gain a scope of the fic. Besides some grammar errors I don't believe there is much I could talk about. I like it!