Is it my imagination, or were you ship-teasing your agents?

I really liked your commentary and realizing how the exorcism would work (or, rather, not work). As for criticisms, I had to cheat and look at HG's comment; I didn't want to read the fic in question. I was only tripped up by one thing: Performing a Full-Body Binding on three separate people at once. It's been a while since I've read HP, but I thought most spells only had one target.

Good mission + Bad fic = Hilarity. Good job!

So, bad things first.

Takes place after Deathly Hallows and a bit before Breaking Dawn, according to Intel.
For the next five pages I wondered why Charlotte and Ix didn’t wonder how Intel got to this conclusion, until I was forced to read the badfic and found that they were still in a prologue set years earlier than the actual fic. Saying something like "but we have to go through a prologue first" would have been appreciated.


... At least he'd have someone to confide in.

“See?” Charlotte said, pointing. “Proof that vampirism makes you stupid.”

Ix tilted her head. “This might just me being prejudiced, but this does not sound very Hufflepuffy of him. Then again, he’s Cedward, not Cedric, so…”

“Yeah, Cedric would have probably asked his Hufflepuff friends for help if he turned to anyone. Definitely not Hermione, since they didn’t really interact in canon.”

What? While agents willfully misunderstanding the fic when it’s ambiguous or unclear may be fun, this is not the case here. If somebody had found out that Cedward is a vampire, but had not revealed this to anybody else, she would literally be the only person he could confide in, i. e. discuss how to survive the First Task while keeping his vampire abilities secret. It doesn’t matter whether he would rather ask his Hufflepuff friends, or how much he and Hermione interacted in canon. The fic is internally consistent here. Hermine noticed something suspicious, started to investigate and to interact with Cedward, and is, as far as Cedward knows, the only person who may find out his secret anyway. Are Charlotte and Ix more stupid than Cedward, not seeing that he is perfectly reasonable, or are they just malevolent?

(After reading the badfic’s prologue, I realized that the agents may actually be more concerned with the next sentence, And she would probably have the answers to his questions, being he intelligent Gryffindor that she was, but how are we supposed to know this when you cut the quote short? Missing this context, I thought more in the way of using Hermione as a sort of "beta reader" for Cedwards ideas than plainly have her solve his problems. And since the fact that Cedric didn’t need Hermione’s help is covered later anyway, I still believe that the whole section should better have been dropped.)


... when the falling letters stopped, they found themselves outside the champions’ tent for the first task.

"Congratulations, Cedric." Hermione said, joining him at the table in the library ...
[...]
In the tent, surrounded by the other champions, Hermione decided that right then and there was the perfect time to ask Cedward if he was actually a vampire.

You can’t just drop this continuity error on me with no hint whether it’s your or the badfic’s fault. Since I already didn’t trust you anymore, I had to read the badfic, and apparently it is your fault. Hermione meets Cedward in the library at an unspecified time after the First Task, and from there they go on a walk by the lake. I have no idea why your agents went to the champion’s tent. If the Department of Inaccuracies actually existed, the Snow Drop might consider a misrepresenting-the-badfic charge.


Technical error: What friends are she talking about?
There are two friends, but the person talking is still singular.


All this doesn’t say that I didn’t enjoy the mission, because these two agents are just so good. Highlights:

Ix’s attempt to use personal experience as canon evidence and Charlotte calling her out.

The divided-by-one-language cakehole/piehole exchange. (I had to consult my dictionary to get it. Learning never ends.)

She noticed, not for the first time, that her partner smelled like honeysuckle and morning dew and sunlight. Wait. Was that too urple?
:grin:

”... How the heck do you kill magic, anyway?!”
“By telling little kids Santa isn’t real?” Ix suggested.
:snort:

“I’m honestly not sure if that was a werewolf joke or a vampire joke, but either way was in bad taste.”
:chuckle:

(Apparently I lost interest when the actual badfic began; I didn’t take many notes from there on. OOC Hermione in Twilight? Yawn. But your agents made it still bearable.)

“Is that just a vampire thing or something?” Ix said in annoyance, pulling away when the letters ceased falling. “Being overly grabby and dragging people around?”
Ha ha, spot-on for Twilight vampires? And now I realize that the repeated downpour of "X"s never felt repetitive, because just when Charlotte protecting Ix began to be boring, you found new variations for your agents’ reactions.

Exorcising Cedric and Edward from each other.

Also, Ix unending task: vanish all the lollipops.

HG

I liked this mission. The banter between the two girls was fun to read, and unlike Matt Cipher, I do not think that this went too far into MST territory. And good canon reference, bringing up Krum as a potential boyfriend for Hermione as an alternative to Malfoy.

On to my usual fare, i.e., spotting SPaG errors, I spotted no SPaG grammatical errors in the English. However, there is a word-choice error:

“Is that just a vampire thing or something?” Ix said in annoyance, pulling away when the letters ceased falling. “Being overly grabby and dragging people around?”

Charlotte looked slightly mollified. “Sorry,” she said, scuffing her feet on the floor.

"Mollified" means "pacified". This is clearly not the word you're going for. You're trying to say that Ix's rebuke hit home. Try "crestfallen" instead. Ix might be mollified by the apology.


Note, however, that I specified that I found no errors in the English. I liked Charlotte's confusion in separating Cedward, but there's an error in the Spanish:
“Come on out, Cedric Diggory!” she yelled, whacking Cedward again. “Avaunt and Expelliarmus! Um, Accio Cedric Diggory! The power of Rowling compels you! The power of Meyer rejects you! ¡Vamanos!”

It's spelled "vámonos".


(If I wanted to be really pedantic, I would add that the correct word would be vaya; vámonos means "Let's go!" But obviously, this should be given a pass, since Lottie is scrambling for ways to say "get out of there"; so I'll stick with noting the spelling errors.)

It's great to see this duo again! And, since we're still in the "Read it? Review it!" Challenge, let's begin!



I'll start with the good things:

- Ix's problem gets solved. Now, I'd personally be in favour of a cane (because canes are cool!), but I guess the brace is more practical.

- The humor. Running (or should I say "falling") punctuation gag, the girls' banters (the "bite me" exchange was great), the sugar joke...everything's on point here. Really nice, light reading.

- Am I sensing a hint of potential foreshadowing of romance between our leading ladies?


Now onto those things that didn't exactly click for me:

- It seemed very light on the actual PPC stuff. Honest to God, while reading this there was a moment in which I've forgotten that Ix and Lottie are working for the PP...il the last part with neuralyzation, and one brief mention of CAD. If I didn't know better, I'd take this mission as a more elaborate form of an MST. I'm not saying, you should mention CADs, departments and RCs every second sentence, but I think something more could be implemented mid-mission.

- Agent Ix sounding like a veteran. It's her third mission and she seems quite comfortable with the whole idea of the PPC and hopping into new realities. I kinda feel like she should still have this little bit of disbelief in her. Seems like she accepted everything a little too fast.

- A very minor detail, but shouldn't the "cakehole-piehole" thing be reversed? Since Lottie is the one with Supernatural in her fandoms?


In conculsion, this mission was really enjoyable. If I had to rate it, I'd say 8/10.

P.S.: I was kinda hoping Lottie would secretly snatch some blood pops for herself. Or Ix, since she was curious about the taste.

-First of all, I like the idea Ix got this brace, and the way you used the IO wen Lottie talked about it.

-What sort of stomach Ix got? that seems like liquid, raffined sugar. Just reading that I want to brush my teeth.

-Backstory with holes ready to be filled with more stories. The better sort.

- Euh nope, still 21 X on the second line, sorry Lottie.

-Of course they lose IQ, they become rock, of course they'll become dumb as them.

-At least Cedward is as dumb as cannon. I... guess it's positive?

-Sorry Lottie, but I prefer cake too. Even if it's a lie.

-'light side'? Could a Knight of Ren come and put these things down, please? They seem to be experts about this.

- Well, Meyer fan is now as skilled with writing as Meyer. I guess it's good news?

-Guess it's a bit late for that, but why not opening a great portal to somewhere these candies could disappear without a trace, Ix? Same result, but far more practical.

-Mode is at the very bottom of my worries, Lottie, and even I can tell you're off the mark here.

-I liked the neuralyzations. X)

Well, I know PoorCynic also asks for something negative to say in his workshop, but frankly, I fail to see something. Good job.