"Tea? You call this TEA?"

Lord Militant General Smit leant down and tapped a blocky button on the panel in front of him. "Could you offer us a few more thoughts, my good man?" he asked. "These Tow chaps don't seem to grasp the difference yet."

Chapter Master Wryght of the Glass Cannons turned to face the thick window. "Real tea has character. Real tea has potency. Real tea has God-Emperor-damned astringency. This," he swung out with one massive hand, sending the Tau-made samovar crashing across the room, "has none. It is..." The Space Marine leant forward, eyes almost glowing as he glowered through the viewport. "... bland."

"Thanks so much, Chapter Master." Smit tapped another button, and a pair of servitors clunked into the room beyond the glass. One set to work clearing the spilled Tau beverege; the other handed the Space Marine a delicate, steaming china cup.

"Ahhh." Wryght breathed deeply of the aroma rising from his cup. "A lovely cuppa, Smit."

"Not at all, old chap." The Lord Militant General pulled on a thick brass lever, lowering the shutters between the two rooms. "It's best we leave him to it," he said to his guests. "The servitors will be bringing in some biscuits in a minute; he can get rather... intense, what?"

The two slender Tau looked at each other. "I'm afraid I don't understand... 'old chap'," said the senior of the two. "What are these 'biscuits'? Some form of weapon?"

"My dear Por'El, what do you take us for? Savages?" Smit tapped yet another button, and the door shuddered open to permit a servitor to roll through, carrying a broad tray. "Biscuits are... biscuits, obviously! Bis-cu-its. You see?" He waved at the tray, which bore three full mugs and a tin plate, on which several round biscuits were laid. "Mmm, looks like they've dug out the coca chips; you're in for a treat."

The lead diplomat reached down, lifted a mug in one long-fingered hand, collected a biscuit with the other. "How do they... combine?"

"Dipping!" Smit collected his own drink and demonstrated. "Mmm... takes the edge off the crunch, y'see?" He nibbled at the biscuit, beamed at the Tau over his mug. "It would be the absolute height of embarassment to get crumbs everywhere, what?"

"What?" The junior Tau looked up at the senior. "Por'El, this is-"

"Por'Vre." The senior diplomat encapsulated all the warning that was needed in a single word, then turned back to Smit. "We thank you kindly for the beverage."

"Oh, it's nothing," Smit said, waving the comment away, his hand still holding half a biscuit. "Now come on, drink up - don't let it go to waste!"

~

With thanks to Scapegrace for Chapter Master Wryght, and apologies to the people of the Tau Empire for doubtless misrepresenting their esteemed Water Caste.

hS

What, next you'll be telling me the T'au are joining forces with the Astra Militarum to repel an Aeldari strike force.

And yeah, I know the deal with the apostrophe. But I'm not accepting the IG change, so not this either. Principles, dangit!

It's better not to ask what happened to hS's girlfriend. Better for everyone. Some sleeping dogs...should be left to lie. Some towns...aren't big enough for two.

--Kaitlyn