AKA, Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone... translated into Scottish.



Just from the chapter list alone, the Sorting Hat is the Bletherin Bunnet, Quidditch is Bizzumbaw, and Diagon Alley is The Squinty Gate.

Voldemort is You-Ken-Wha, Snape is Snipe, Dumbledore is Dumbiedykes, Filch is Feechs, Slytherin is Slydderin, Hufflepuff is Hechlepech, Ravenclaw is Corbieclook ... It's pretty glorious.

A few equally glorious sentences from this book:


"WHEESHT!" yelloched Uncle Vernon, and a couple o ettercaps fell aff the ceilin.


"Whit are these?" Harry spiered to Ron, haudin up a poke o Chocolate Puddocks.


Ron had awready had a muckle rammy wi Dean Thomas, wha shared their dormitory, aboot fitba.


"Whit wid you ken aboot it, Weasley, you couldnae even affort tae buy hauf the hanule," Malfoy snashed back.


He'd jist got awfie crabbit wi the Weasleys, wha keepit dive-bombin each ither and pretendin tae faw awff their bizzums.


Sae usefu tae hae him swoofin aroond ike an owergrown bawkie bird.


...It was $12 with shipping for me from the Barnes and Noble website, if you're interested in this amazing translation.