Subject: Re: interlude (spoilers)
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Posted on: 2018-02-21 03:16:00 UTC

In no particular order, as my brain feels scattered today:

I like how you've presented the Shallot as one of those by-the-book, micromanaging Office Space bosses. I mean, I hate him, and the wheedling way he talks, and his self importance, but I like the way you've presented him. It's well done. I also love the very defining moment when he interrupts his agents bonding naturally to oversee some regimented bonding instead. I also also loved seeing the reactions of the Board of Department Heads, noticeably put off from their usual calmness.

I like that you've taken a Sue-tracking bracelet, something usually used as a source of at least light drama pertaining to a character's core personality and identity, and applied it in a way that turns the bracelet into pure slapstick comedy, and which ultimately isn't a judgment on the character it's a attached to, but only there due to a bureaucratic misinterpretation. It's a fun change. You also kept the times Bogbrush had to appease the tracker infrequent enough that I never quite knew when his dialogue was going to degenerate into advertisement, which gives all such instances the sense of interruption they need.

I like the way you handled the Cube. From the scene that introduced it, I didn't expect it to turn out to be such a problem. Heck, I was outright amused by the conversation between it and Karen. But then, even after Karen moved to the new division, it kept getting mentioned, and kept getting mentioned, and I starting growing uneasy as I realized this wasn't more of the irreverent sort of comedy as the rest of the story, but an actual, serious problem that would need to be addressed eventually. But I'm also glad you dealt with it, at least part of the way, right here in this story, and also that the first step towards eradicating the Cube's mental effects from Karen was also the catalyst for the true bond-forming of the non-Flower portions of the team.

—doctorlit, drawing lots of uncomfortable connections between the Cube and the Tommyknockers right now

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