An apology

Apologies, but the ghost of a dead horse is haunting me by Quincy Jones's Computer is Bugged on 2018-02-05 02:16:00 UTC Reply

So it's been a while since I've really done anything on here, or been on the Discord (I'm actually not on the Discord right now so if y'all want to reach me, DM @ Quincy Jones#6104), and this is because I've reached a point where I don't feel comfortable really interacting with the PPC at a whole. Let me explain why.

Not too long ago, I was involved in a Board issue regarding something I said over the gen chat on the Discord. People thought I was being malicious; I maintain that I was definitely not, and furthermore, I accept no accusation of wrongdoing. I am not the type of person who says things deliberately in order to hurt people. I apologize that I wrote something that may have been taken that way, but I honestly don't think I DID, and I feel as though I've done nothing wrong and have suffered an attack out of spite. I could very well be wrong on this front, however.

You may be thinking to yourselves, "Okay, but... we resolved that, didn't we?" And I am here to tell you that maybe you guys have reached closure, and the issue is well and truly in the past, but I have NOT. In fact, it has been weighing rather heavily on my heart. Why? Well, I don't really know. I think it's because I never really saw a decision made on whether or not I was wrong/right/whatever, and because the person who had a problem with my posts hasn't said anything beyond the initial ping to Huinesoron, at least not to my knowledge.

The deal is, I don't know what's going on. I have no idea if everyone hates me, if everyone loves me, if I'm right, wrong... I can't sort the issue out because the person I offended hasn't said anything and quite frankly I'm afraid to seek them out... and this seems to be a trend that happens a lot. I dunno if I'm imagining things, but the way we seem to deal with our issues here is to bring it to the Board, argue a bunch, wait for Huinesoron to say something, and then just shut up about it and never speak of it again. We gloss over it and act like it's all okay. And maybe it is okay. Maybe most of us just move on and forget it ever happened. But I CAN'T, and it's eating me alive, to the point where it makes talking to you guys and hanging out with you guys awkward and scary. I don't know what I want. I don't know what to do. But I do know that I don't want to stay silent, because even getting kicked out of the PPC is better than spending the rest of my days in limbo.

I've said it before and I'll say it again... by Thoth on 2018-02-05 20:42:00 UTC Reply

Regardless of what wrongs you my attribute to yourself, most of the PPC, at least to the best of my knowledge, considers you a perfectly fine community member, and you are absolutely welcome here. And at the end of that thread, from what I saw of the resolution, I think that remains the case.

But... I mean, I don't speak for everyone. So that's just what I've seen.

For my part by Tomash on 2018-02-06 05:13:00 UTC Reply

I don't hate you, you're good people, and I think you're a perfectly fine community member and welcome around here. Sure, I disagree(d) with the position you took during the whole Sprinkles thing, but that doesn't mean I don't like or respect you. (Heck, I've disagreed with hS, Nesh, and the like a good few times and I still think they're good people.)

- Tomash

Did you read the rest of that thread? by Neshomeh on 2018-02-05 05:32:00 UTC Reply

Well, two threads, since Tomash accidentally started a new one instead of replying to the original.

I understand if the stress was too much in the heat of the moment, but if you can bring yourself to read over it carefully now, you'll find that hS apologized to you, profusely, and that the matter was only closed after I, not he, suggested a solution that I hoped would satisfy everyone. I waited several days for any objections or suggestions for improvement, and there were none.

Please take some time to look it over, and if you still feel unsatisfied with the result, you can e-mail me at neshomeh [DOT] soul [AT] gmail [DOT] com (with obvious punctuation substitutions), and we can talk about it.

~Neshomeh

Re: Did you read the rest of that thread? by Quincy Jones on 2018-02-05 18:01:00 UTC Reply

Apologies. I definitely did skip town sort of in the middle of that. Now that I've read over it more carefully, I kinda understand better.

Thank you. by Neshomeh on 2018-02-06 01:43:00 UTC Reply

Again, if you still want to talk about what happened, you have my e-mail address.

If you're feeling better about it, though, I think you owe hS a specific apology for acting like he's some big bad wolf out to get you. I understand why it felt that way at the time, him being a big name around here and you just a kid, but he really wasn't—he even said in the original post, "I accept that they did this for emotional, not malevolent reasons."

Also, you are not a sheep, and I'm betting you wouldn't taste good even with ketchup. {= )

~Neshomeh

Re: Thank you. by Quincy Jones on 2018-02-06 01:46:00 UTC Reply

I appreciate it. Honestly, I kind of *still* feel like that. I don't understand why, and it's not fair to hS, but I'm frickin' scared to death of him and I think I'm gonna make those amends at a later date.

So, now that it's been a week... by Neshomeh on 2018-02-12 19:17:00 UTC Reply

What do you think, can you and hS patch things up? Nobody likes a grudge.

~Neshomeh

An apology by Quincy Jones (Sort of) on 2018-02-18 18:42:00 UTC Reply

((Allo, it's Thoth! Quincy felt a little bit skittish about posting the apology she wrote to the board. So I'm posting it in her stead. The rest of this message is Quincy's exact words, as she sent them to me.))

Huinesoron,
The events leading up to this apology have been hectic and scary and generally unpleasant, for everybody involved. We've all had reactions we aren't proud of, and I thank you for your apology. For my part, I'm sorry I got so emotional. I shouldn't have blamed you so much for what happened; I know none of this was really your fault. I hope you can forgive me for being an idiot and lashing out at the nearest convenient target, and that we can move past this (and hopefully into a realm where I'm not so terrified of you.)
Hoping to make amends, Quincy Jones

Thank you. by Huinesoron on 2018-02-20 17:02:00 UTC Reply

For my part, I'm sorry for not finding some off-Board way to discuss the whole thing - the fact that we've been handling it publically for years is no real excuse, just an indication that we should've found a better way ages ago. And I'm sorry for the way I reacted on the thread.

I hope you've managed to absorb that... pretty much literally everybody jumped right in to defend you, so there's no need to be scared of Big Bad Huinesoron commanding the pack to maul you. :) I'm not actually scary, and I hope you can come to understand that. (I also do my best not to get hung up on past arguments - if I did, I definitely wouldn't talk to Neshomeh, who did... that thing... I guess... something once? I'unno, it's water under the internet bridge.)

hS