Subject: Re: interlude
Author:
Posted on: 2018-01-25 02:37:00 UTC

This is fantastic, sir. I loved reading this. You have such a dry, sarcastic, Douglas Adams-y sense of humor to your narration. I don't think I could ever manage to reproduce that sort of writing voice, and I'm a little in awe of your ability to keep it going so strongly through this entire story.

I especially love the long-winded, highly metaphorical descriptions of your characters' personalities and physical appearances. Also, the little recurring details, phrases and sounds you use to keep all the different parts of the story tied together. And even with six characters on the page during the framing parts of the story, you use the voices of all six to maximum effect, and they all play off of each other so cleverly and effectively, even the cat.

Plus, the entire story is just pure humor. There's no time to think about the realistic implications of such injuries or whatnot because there are always more jokes taking up my mental space as I continue. There's not a single moment of slowness or other weakness to the entire piece.

You, sir, are an excellent writer, and this story was an intricate work of art. Well done!

Errors! (Some, maybe.)
There's one paragraph in the "Ninetwo and Anne's Cat" section where you start mentioning a Nineone, but I can't tell from the context if that's Ninetwo thinking about another Weed, or if they're typos.

"Nineone never understood that, never did. All the grey, and how long - very long - the corridors were. It boggled the mind. It boggled, Ninetwo hastily reconsidered, her mind, which was, among other things, she was certain, very easily boggled. Nineone was not very fond of her own mind, among other things.

In "Finch and Bingle":

"he used much of it comprehending, dissecting, understanding, and lengthily observing and imagining every single one of these potential deaths."
That first "he" should have a capital "h," since it's not connected to the dialogue of the previous line.

"‘Why are you being so loud,’ Finch hissed, covering his auditory sensors with a pair actuators, wincing at every whir and click they made."
I think you wanted, "a pair of actuators"?

—doctorlit, the most entertained

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