It's all yours (nm)

Badfic thread! by The Good Mod Addict on 2018-01-08 20:22:00 UTC Reply

So, I've been torturing the Discord for a while with a particularly nasty piece of bad slashfic and I've been told I should post it here. I think it would be a good idea to start a new badfic thread anyway, to see if other people have things worth adding to the Unclaimed Badfic page.

Link to the fic (NSFW)

Fic title and Author: Professor Legolas by Joxie

Canons: Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings

Major charges include:

- Warping Harry Potter, Severus Snape, Lucius Malfoy, Gandalf, Glorfindel, Galadriel, and many others out of character
- Giving Legolas a personal portal to and from Middle-earth
- Giving Harry Potter a Veela "inheritance", complete with a soul bond to Legolas, utterly disregarding various aspects of canon Veela in the process
- Confusing physical intimacy with romantic love, and using the former to save the life of at least one character through a bond
- Making Harry Potter a descendant of Aragorn and Arwen
- Creating seven Sue artifacts in the form of "amulets." Four belong to Elrond, Glorfindel, Legolas, and Celeborn; the rest are in control of Gandalf, who gives one to Harry
- Turning Harry into an elf halfway through the fic
- Severing at least two Harry Potter wizards from their magical ability entirely
- Making Galadriel a Veela.

Summary: Legolas is made Defense Against the Dark Arts professor at Hogwarts by Headmaster Snape after the Second Wizarding War. In the fic, Ron and Ginny are dead after deciding to serve Voldemort in the war, while Draco and Lucius decided to help Harry. Harry quickly falls in love with Legolas and then comes into his Veela inheritance, which starts a "mate or die" plot that quickly gets resolved. Lucius manages to follow Legolas through his personal portal to M-e and eventually gets into a relationship with an extremely abusive Glorfindel.

Later, Lucius attempts to kill Harry and Legolas (through his soul bond) while disguised as Haldir. The only thing that stops Harry and Legolas from killing Haldir is that he's found to already be dead. Meanwhile, Glorfindel helps Lucius Malfoy end his own life to escape punishment at Harry's hand. Haldir's family demands compensation for the "blood debt", and is satisfied when Draco Malfoy is forcibly bonded to Glorfindel. It is notable that Glorfindel also gains control of precisely how and when Draco can use his magic; he promptly uses this ability to cut Malfoy off from his magic entirely.

Harry and Draco have a conversation about their abusive fathers (both of whom are shown to be far worse than they are in canon) and Gandalf offers both of them the gift of becoming Elves at the cost of their ability to perform magic. At that point, Galadriel senses Harry's immense power as a Veela and gets into a fight with him, both in their Veela forms. Draco is caught in the crossfire and dies an extremely dramatic death, and Elrond holds a Council to decide what to do with the situation. Harry manages to convince everyone present to banish Galadriel from Middle-earth until his death before accepting the Valar's gift of becoming an Elf.

This summarizes the first 18 chapters. The fic is 41 chapters long. I'm sorry for not reading the entire fic before reporting it, but I think that I've seen enough of it to say it's worth sporking.

Harry Potter Badfic. by An Anonymous Person on 2018-02-06 23:17:00 UTC Reply

It's called Sophia Black, and it's pretty bad. Not as bad as most of the fics on this thread, but bad. It's basically just an OC daughter of Sirius Black who exists solely to be a love interest for Fred Weasley. There was a subplot about her writing her father letters in Azkaban, which I followed for a while before realizing it was just an excuse for her to cry on someone's shoulders. (I forget who; I haven't read this fic in a while.) Sophia also takes Alicia Spinnet's place on the Quidditch team, and Alicia is obsessed with Fred, giving him a love potion to get him away from Sophia. I'm 65% sure she had to cure him with true love's kiss, but that might've been something else. I haven't read the story in a while, and i'm not doing it again.

Here's the link: https://www.quotev.com/story/3880293/Sophia-Black
Merlin's beard, why. by eatpraylove on 2018-01-12 17:20:00 UTC Reply

Anyway, I don't go hunting for badfic since I need my sanity for college, but I do have a list of all the stinkers I took off the Unclaimed list the last time I did an epic cleanup. Let's see what that has to offer...

https://www.quotev.com/story/2838998/No-Safe-Place-Legolas-Love-Story Classic second-daughter-of-Elrond Legomance, except this one has special powers and her dad's been keeping her hidden from the rest of Rivendell--excuse me, "Rivendale"--for presumably that reason. Also she joins the Fellowship because of course she does.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10669101/1/The-Roamer Immortal spy chick who used to be human, minis all over the place, but some bonus points for knowing that Morgoth exists.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/7454917/1/Magic-by-the-Starlight Harry Potter/Star Trek TOS. I'll just include DawnFire's notes on the subject: "The language is awful. The Sue is evil in an overblown manner, and is put in Hufflepuff by the Hat for no discernible reason. The Hat itself—I can't even. Gratuitous Drarry. An overly-Scottish Scotty who says 'aye' far too often and is, of all things, the DADA teacher. Also, an absolutely enormous number of AVPM/AVPS references. May be a My Immortal parody, too. [...] After reading the two new chapters, I'm almost 100% positive that it's a parody. It's too intelligently written to be real. It's deliberately bad, references fanfic tropes, and seems to be going through a checklist of badfic traits. Also, if you look at the profile, the SPaG is perfect. That combined with a screenname containing the words 'bloody tears'... well, if it's not a parody/trollfic I'll eat my hat, that's all I'm saying."

https://www.quotev.com/story/4499505/Now-she-is-gone Ohhhhh my Lord, where do I even begin? She's Frerin's daughter--by an OC elf of all things--runs away from home after he dies (so presumably just before the Company sets out), and then finds herself in Mirkwood along the way because of course she does.

Trek crossover, you say? by Neshomeh on 2018-01-13 19:52:00 UTC Reply

I can't take on another mission right now... and I dunno about taking an obvious My Immortal retread at all... but all the same, it's hard to find sufficiently awful crossovers so squarely in my wheelhouse.

So, maybe. But I won't cry if someone else really wants it.

~Neshomeh
Okay, I'm taking the first one. by Zingenmir on 2018-01-13 18:52:00 UTC Reply

For one thing, at the very least it's mixing Grelvish and Sindarin (or maybe it's completely Grelvish--I don't think so, but I still need to go looking. 'Amin mela lle' is most assuredly Grelvish, though).

More hilariously, of course, is that she's the last Elf-witch ahahaha. I needed that laugh. Also, Celebrian (unless her mother is someone else and I missed it) was murdered...by Suron.

I'm sure the writer had fun with this. I, too, will have fun with this :D

~Z

Oh dear. Well then, that's weird. by twistedwindowpane on 2018-01-12 00:39:00 UTC Reply

I'll add some badfic to the thread if I see anything. Hang on, do you guys spork Creepypastas? They seem to be a bit different from other fanfic in that the ones that are actually fanfic (Lost Episode pastas, Weird Things My Game Did pastas, etc.) tend to be less story-like (haphazard plots, not too much involvement of canons, etc.) I was going to search for some to see if I could find anything, but then I realized that about the nature of the genre. Any thoughts?

-Twistey
More badfics (all NSFW and NSFB) by leafeyes on 2018-01-09 07:01:00 UTC Reply

The first badfic (archiveofourown.org/works/8451553/chapters/19362307) is "Futa Prison" by Damien_Kova. Just looking at the tags, I see charges for transgender fetishization and rape. I also see multiple characters with the same family name in an explicit fic, and a skimming through the text confirmed an incest charge. While I don't know any of the involved continua other that Persona 5 well enough to evaluate characterization or canon compliance, the writing appears to be of low quality, featuring awkward phrasing and several technical errors. I'd appreciate if someone familiar with RWBY (which is the most heavily involved fandom) could confirm that this is indeed awful.

The second one (archiveofourown.org/works/6408871/chapters/14671612) is "Meant to Be" by Waterrain. The main charges here are ultra beige prose (does the PPC have a term for when the prose goes beyond beige, like urple prose for when the opposite happens?), mangling of characterization and sibling relationships (the incest is, unfortunately, possible in canon and thus not charge worthy), and mpreg according to the tags.

The last two (archiveofourown.org/series/543514) are a series entitled "takumeme gets cummies from big dragon" by xXM0n0chromeNimbusXx. Featuring beige prose, transgender fetishization, bad characterization, anatomically impossible sex, and impossible anatomy in general (remember that archers tend to have very muscular arms), this fic is basically just poorly written smut. The incest is, once again, possible in game, so it isn't chargeworthy, but everything else still is.

I... I might take that last one. by SkarmorySilver on 2018-01-12 15:56:00 UTC Reply

Namely because: 1) I needed an excuse for at least one of my agents to reveal knowledge of the Fire Emblem series; 2) mishandling of transgender issues is something I've been meaning to tackle at some point; and 3) oh dear god the general CRINGE. I haven't handled that many NSFW/NSFB badfics in a while, so I might as well rectify that in preparation for that big thing I'm planning for my Floaters team.

...why must I make my PPC self-insert suffer so much? X'D

Also, here are two badfics which I also plan to deal with in the future:

- "A Pirates[sic] Life For Me" - Ice Age - T-rated
A wild girl in the forest, haves an dream to became an pirate! But when she turns into one, its the worst thing she ever did! Buck is back and the pirate's survived? EllieXManny and DiegoXSiera ofcourse!
A Spellcheck Scrat right in the fic description, beige prose, poor grammar, and a human protagonist with a strange name (by tribal human standards) AND CAN TALK WITH ANIMALS! WHAT THE FLOCK?!

- Two Fractured Halves - My Hero Academia - M-rated
AU in which Izuku has a dormant quirk that only awakens when he takes a leap of bridge with the intent of ending his life after Kacchan pushed him to far and when all might said the thing he feared most and that was all it took to bring Izuku to the bridge that fateful night. Soulmate AU too, Izuku is OOC sometimes and OP. First Fanfic! Constructive Criticism is welcome.
Description says it all. The introductory chapter even gives a full list of abilities provided by Izuku's "quirk", which is way too many for a single quirk by the manga/anime's standards. Also ew. Just. Ew.

It's all yours (nm) by leafeyes on 2018-01-15 03:08:00 UTC Reply

Oh god, no. by RemnantShadow on 2018-01-09 15:26:00 UTC Reply

You're right, Futa Prison is horrible, and completely messed up the characters from RWBY. It might as well have used completely original characters. It also ruined Kill La Kill, SnK, and Fairy Tail, and I assume it will ruin Bleach and One piece at some point, since those are tagged.