All righty... by
Neshomeh
on 2018-01-01 17:18:00 UTC
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Overall, I think you're looking pretty good! Just a couple things I wanted to flag:
First, from Mei's bio, stealing all the left socks is funny. Telling Potterverse canon children that "Dumbledore dies in the end" is less so. Be careful that Mei's pranks do not get too mean or actually damage the canon.
Second, somewhat related, your writing style seems to be straddling the line between serious and comic. I really enjoyed the humor in the second prompt, but the Cafeteria scene had me a little worried when it came to the mentions of silverware embedded in the walls and frozen coffee spears. In a totally comic setting with totally comedic violence, it would probably be fine, but because I'm not entirely sure yet what tone you're going to settle into, those things seemed a little too dangerous to be funny. So, watch out for that sort of thing, too.
Those two things aside, I liked both prompts. The first one quickly drew me in and had me interested in the outcome, and the second one, as I said, was pretty funny. I loved "Coffee went boom!" Poor intern. {X D
Assuming you meant Erron and Mei by "both characters," I'd support putting Sylendre in Floaters, once she's been trained up a bit. The more agents on a team, the longer the mission gets to give everyone enough screen time, so keeping it to two most of the time is a good idea. Having her still share their RC might be interesting, though.
(BTW, how is "Sylendre" pronounced? My brain wants to make it like "cylinder.")
I'd normally advise avoiding anything remotely connected to a Legendary Badfic for an early mission, but seeing as you've got your self-sporking lined up first, and "Im Not Okay" doesn't really look that dire, you may well take it in stride. I'm willing to find out.
So, with that, Permission Granted!
~Neshomeh
For clarity: by
Huinesoron
on 2018-01-01 12:35:00 UTC
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I beta'd the entire Permission document once, suggesting several changes. I didn't take a second look after those changes were made (I don't remember whether Pasty Greens didn't let me know they were updated, or whether I just spaced it).
hS