Subject: Harry Potter by predictive text (& Neil makes me sad)
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Posted on: 2017-12-13 09:53:00 UTC
Harry Potter and the Portrait of What Looked Like a Pile of Ash is a (chapter of a) new HP novel written - apparently and in some fashion - by predictive text algorithms trained on Rowling's writing. (There may be some human editing involved; I'm not sure.) And it is delightfully bonkers, but still exquisitely Rowling:
Chapter Thirteen: The Handsome One
The castle grounds snarled with a wave of magically magnified wind. The sky outside was a great black ceiling, which was full of blood. The only sounds drifting from Hagrid's hut were the disdainful shrieks of his own furniture. Magic: it was something that Harry Potter thought was very good.
Leathery sheets of rain lashed at Harry's ghost as he walked across the grounds towards the castle. Ron was standing there and doing a kind of frenzied tap dance. He saw Harry and immediately began to eat Hermione's family.
Ron's Ron shirt was just as bad as Ron himself.
"If you two can't clump happily, I'm going to get aggressive," confessed the reasonable Hermione.
"What about Ron magic?" offered Ron. To Harry, Ron was a loud, slow, and soft bird. Harry did not like to think about birds.
"Death Eaters are on top of the castle!" Ron bleated, quivering. Ron was going to be spiders. He just was. He wasn't proud of that, but it was going to be hard to not have spiders all over his body after all is said and done...
Later, we find out the password to the door to the roof (after Mr. Staircase the shabby ghost informs them that it's locked), and Hermione takes offence at Voldemort's shirt (entirely reasonably), before we finally reach the end of the chapter:
"I'm Harry Potter," Harry began yelling. "The dark arts better be worried, oh boy!"
It is glorious and beautiful to behold and you should read the whole thing immediately.
~
This, however, is simply depressing:
Neil Gaiman on Instagram, talking about the Good Omens TV show
I am sad again now. :(
hS