The PPC Jingle, aka "Iximaz breathes heavily into the microphone".

It’s wintertime, time for holidays
But the end of the year doesn’t come with a raise
And the Flowers really don’t like to heap on the praise
But I keep chugging on

It doesn’t really matter that I can’t leave
My friends are all here, decorated RCs
And my next mission should be a breeze
I’m ready with the Bleepnog

In the courtyard, the snow’s falling fast
The warmth of the holidays cannot last
So we gather ‘round, reminisce ‘bout the past
Hope the console doesn’t beep

So we all come together on this holiday
Not a care in the world, not a Sue left to slay
The parties are bright, though the corridors are grey
Come along, join us now

I got my partner beside me, what more could I need?
Relaxing together by the Christmas tree
It’ll be so long before canon is free
But I do my part in the PPC

Called it Ring Consoles.

Dashing through the glitter,
in a one-Ypur open sleigh.
O’er the halls we go,
laughing all the way.
Bells on bobtails ring,
making spirits bright.
What fun it is to ride and sing
a sleighing song tonight.

Oh! Ring Consoles, ring Consoles,
ring all the way.
Oh what fun it is to ride
in a one-Ypurr open sleigh.

Hey! Ring Consoles, ring Consoles,
ring all the way.
Oh what fun it is to ride
in a one-Ypur open sleigh.

A day or two ago
I thought I'd take a ride
And soon, Sunflower Official
Was seated by my side,
The Ypur was lean and lank
Misfortune seemed his lot
He got into drifted papers
And then we got upsot.

Oh! Ring Consoles, ring Consoles,
ring all the way.
Oh what fun it is to ride
in a one-Ypur open sleigh.

Hey! Ring Consoles, ring Consoles,
ring all the way.
Oh what fun it is to ride
in a one-Ypur open sleigh.

A day or two ago,
The story I must tell
I went out on the glitter,
And on my back I fell;
An Agent was riding by
In a one-Ypur open sleigh,
He laughed as there I sprawling lie,
But quickly drove away.

Oh! Ring Consoles, ring Consoles,
ring all the way.
Oh what fun it is to ride
in a one-Ypur open sleigh.

Hey! Ring Consoles, ring Consoles,
ring all the way.
Oh what fun it is to ride
in a one-Ypur open sleigh.

Now the ground is glittery
Go it while you're sane,
Take the partners tonight
And sing this sleighing song;
Just get a bobtailed Ypur
Two-forty as his speed
Hitch him to an open sleigh
And crack! You'll take the lead.

Oh! Ring Consoles, ring Consoles,
ring all the way.
Oh what fun it is to ride
in a one-Ypur open sleigh.

Hey! Ring Consoles, ring Consoles,
ring all the way.
Oh what fun it is to ride
in a one-Ypur open sleigh.

To the tune of "Frosty the Snowman," and with apologies to Iximaz.

Jay and Acacia
Were two fangirls from World One!
They had pointy things, a Polaroid, and
Their official word was "Fun"!
Jay and Acacia
Started a revolution;
They set their sights on the Pit, bastion
Of bad Tolkien fanfiction~

The Sues had swords and unicorns
And sooper speshul rings
But when the agents got to them
None of that meant anything!
Oh, Jay and Acacia
Wrote two dozen lovely tales
And to honor them, we pick up our pen
And soldier through epic fails!

Jay and Acacia
Left a mighty legacy
Of plant aliens and shrieking consoles
That we call the PPC
Jay and Acacia
Couldn't end what they'd begun
Though their job was hell, they both knew damn well
The work would never be done

Although they've left the Internet
And who knows where they are,
We all still use the Original
Series as our North Star!
Oh, Jay and Acacia,
And the other oldbies, too;
We have so much fun killing fanfiction,
And we owe it all to you~!

I've got a filk for you!

I call it...Eight Nights in the PPC (Chanukah, Chanukah). There's probably a better title out there, but that's what I've got.

I really like this one. I even made a recording! (It includes the original, one-verse song at the end, because why not?) (Also: this was so much fun to record, and I love how it came out. Yes there's a sort of semi-key change at the end. Yes, it's more or less on purpose. Yes, it could have been done a little better. No, I don't care; it was fun)

Lyrics:

Come one, come all, PPC, it's time for Chanukah
First we'll bless, then we'll light, then we'll eat latkas
Oh no, there goes the console, oy, vey is mir, why, why
Curse th'SO, fine, we'll go off to see canons cry!

Second night, this one's right, joy is everywhere
Bless, now light, get it right, two candles for the prayer
Dreidels first, then the food, but there goes that BEEEP!
How's this right?! Oh, well, we'll fight--we'll be here all week!

Third night's here, full of cheer, light those candles quick
If you still light olive oil, don't forget the wick
No you can't make it from Sue's hair what is wrong with you
Burns too fast, this should last, and leave no glitter too

Fourth night comes, halfway done, missions won't you stop
This has to be against some rule--come on, it's a chag!!
This holiday is meant to be the festival of lights:
DOGA jobs don't count for that! Don't we have some rights?

Tonight's the fifth, we won't quit, we talked to Upstairs
That frustrated us so we nearly pulled out hairs
It's a shame we can't sue, but is it much to ask?
Give us a modern miracle--an evening with no tasks!

Sixth night comes, we'll have some fun, just--no one sit down
Comfort makes the console beep, and we're tired of running 'round
Chanukah, here we go, chocolate coins galore
Gifts for kids--oh no, don't sit--we can't take any more!

Seventh night shines so bright. What did we do this year?
Barely months since Yom Kippur, how is this happening?
Yes, we know, the rhyme is gone, but we are falling over
Between missions and holiday things--at least it's almost done!

[Pause/musical interlude]

...Eighth night. We can't believe our eyes--finally...it's calm
So much love, all this light, sufgan'yot almost gone
Gather 'round, sing those songs, hug your family
Give out gifts, dance a bit and retell that story!

[go off dancing to the singing of "Chanukah, Chanukah":

Chanukah, Chanukah, chag yafe kol kach
Or chaviv misaviv, gil le'yeled rach
Chanukah, Chanukah, sevivon sov sov
Sov na sov, sov na sov, ma na'im va'tov!


(Translation, from aish.com:

Chanukah is a great holiday.
Surrounded with lovely light.
Fun for little children.
Dreidel, spin, spin, spin.
How wonderful!]


Some Hebrew (mostly) translations:

latkas: potato pancakes. Delicious.
oy, vey is mir: Yiddish for 'oh woe is me'. Much more common than 'woe is me' these days, though. Very often shortened to just 'oy' or 'oy vey'
dreidel: a spinning top unique to Chanukah
chag: holiday
Yom Kippur: Day of Atonement, where the sins of the previous year are forgiven. Happens around October, hence the lament of 'what could we have already done to deserve this?!'
sufganiot: jelly donuts. Delicious. Not always jelly these days, which is an amazing development


Another fun thing: each verse more or less corresponds to a different PPC department! It's not perfect, since it wasn't really done on purpose (shh), but for your potential amusement, here:

Verse 1: Department of Angst
Verse 2: DMS/ESAS
Verse 3: ...DoSAT?
Verse 4: DOGA, obviously
Verse 5: Building Maintenance? Yes, I'm stretching
Verse 6: Any field agents
Verse 7: Also field agents. Oh well
Verse 8: Everyone


I have one more idea so far for a filk, but it hasn't happened yet. We'll see if it does. This one made for a fun morning bus ride, anyway!

Also, uh...Chanukah starts Tuesday night. What.

~Z

Well, even though this song's only technically about winter, I'll parody it anyway. Enjoy!

"HQ Party"
(to the tune of Winter Wrap-Up)

Violet: The holidays are coming, and I just want a break!
Chris: I hope they let us stay inside for our sanity's sake.

Miguel: Even though we're far away from home, we can still celebrate
Ami: We have each other's backs and, honestly, that's pretty great~

Miguel: It's Christmas time in Headquarters, according to my phone
I feel sorry for the agents celebrating it alone,
But there's an easy way to help. Hopefully you'll all agree
To start it off with just four letters: that's RSVP~!

All: HQ party, HQ party!
Ami: Let's spread some holiday cheer!
All: HQ party, HQ party~
Chris: Mew knows we could use it here
Chris and Miguel: Mew knows we could use it here!

Violet: I don't understand why I'm stuck wrangling the minis
While you guys get to write the cards and decorate cookies
We have those plotholes for a reason, you know
Help me out so I can sing a proper solo!

All: HQ party, HQ party!
Ami: Let's spread some holiday cheer!
All: HQ party, HQ party~
Violet: Gods know I could use it here
All: HQ party, HQ party~
Chris: Mew knows we could use it here
Chris and Miguel: Mew knows we could use it here!

Chris: Got the decorations on sale at the General Store~
Hey, where'd you get that Christmas tree? It wasn't here before
I don't know how you did it, but it's the perfect size!
Put on Radio Nutmeg and let's decorate our prize~!

All: HQ party, HQ party!
Violet: I hope everybody can come
All: HQ party, HQ party~
Chris: These light strings are so friggin' dumb!
All: HQ party, HQ party~
Miguel: My cookies are almost done
Didn't burn a single one!

Ami: Cleaning up goes so much faster with a good soundtrack~
Oh, look, Falchion and his friends just wrote me back!
He and Sarah can both come; Lapis and Cupid too...?
What in Celestia's name (joined by Violet) did we just get into?

All: HQ party, HQ party!
Violet: Let's spread some holiday cheer!
All: HQ party, HQ party~
Ami: Can we do this every year?
All: HQ party, HQ party~
Miguel: Mew knows we could use it here
Miguel and Chris: Mew knows we could use it here!

Chris: The RC looks like a home now; beautiful, calm, and bright
I wouldn't be surprised if Santa Claus came by tonight~
Violet: I retract all of my complaining from earlier today
I wouldn't want my life to be any other way!
Any other waaaaay~

All: HQ party, HQ party!
Ami: Our first guests are almost here!
All: HQ party, HQ party~
Miguel: Good thing we've got extra cheer!
All: HQ party, HQ party~
Girls: We're so doing this next year!
Boys: I might shed a manly tear~
All: HQ always needs more cheeeeeeeeeer~!

I tried rewriting a song by Nat King Cole, didn't event get anything down before it started forming into a prose observation about how many RC's don't decorate their doors because both agents are from worlds that don't celebrate Kwan/Mas/Nuka or their just too busy or thinking it's October or March instead of December.

This is the song River, as filtered through the lens of Jennotari shipping. Yes, it counts. =]

---

It's coming on Christmas
And the Christmas Tree's
Been putting up reindeer and
Singing songs of joy and peace
I wish there was an AU
I could run away to

But it don't snow here
It's just Generic Grey
In corridors that go on
So long you can't run away
I wish I had an AU
I could run away to

I wish I had an AU so wrong
That I could teach my feet to fly
Oh, I wish I had an AU
I could run away to

I made Nurse Jenni cry

She tried hard to help me,
You know, put me at ease
And she laughed and joked and it
Made me weak in the knees
I wish I had an AU
I could run away to

But I'm so hard to handle
I'm selfish and I'm sad
Now I've gone and lost the only
Love in this place I've had
I wish I had an AU
I could run away to

I wish I had an AU so wrong
That I could teach my feet to fly
I wish I had an AU
I could run away to

I made Nurse Jenni say goodbye

It's coming on Christmas
And the Christmas Tree's
Been putting up reindeer and
Singing songs of joy and peace
I wish there was an AU
I could run away to

I'll put out a few more this month, but for now, have these two.

"I Saw Dafydd Kissing the SO", to the tune of "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus"

I saw Dafydd kissing the SO
Underneath the mistletoe last night
They didn't see me creep
Down the hall to have a peep
They thought that I was tucked up
In my RC, fast asleep

Then I saw Dafydd tickle the SO
Underneath his fronds so fresh and green
Oh, what a laugh it would have been
If Constance had only seen
Dafydd kissing the SO last night

...Wow, I could have sworn that one was longer than it is, but it just keeps repeating. Hrm.

From the Aviator's an estranged ex-partner's point of view, to the tune of "Same Auld Lang Syne". I kept a bit too much of the original for it to really count as a filk, I think, but I like it all the same.

Met my old partner in the courtyard
The snow was falling Christmas Eve
I stole behind her in the grassy fields
And I touched her on the sleeve

She didn't recognize the face at first
But then her eyes flew open wide
She went to hug me and she fell on me
And we laughed until we cried

We stood there, awkward in the moment now
The silence longer as we stared
We stood there lost in our embarrassment
As the conversation slowed

Went to have ourselves a drink or two
Sat ourselves down at Rudi's pub
We bought a pair of beers made a toast
For the days we both had lost

We drank a toast to innocence
We drank a toast to now
And tried to reach beyond the emptiness
But neither one knew how

I said I'd had myself a daughter
She said she had herself a girlfriend
We both wished things had turned out different
But it worked out in the end

She said the years had been long without me
And that she missed me every day
I said I missed her, too, so very much
But didn't want to intrude

She said she saw me in the tabloids now
And that I must be doing well
I said insanity wasn't too bad
But the infamy was hell

We drank a toast to innocence
We drank a toast to now
And tried to reach beyond the emptiness
But neither one knew how

We drank a toast to innocence
We drank a toast to time
Reliving in our eloquence
Another 'auld lang syne'

The beer was empty and our tongues were tired
And running out of things to say
She gave a hug to me as we both left
And I watched her walk away

Just for a moment I was back at school
And felt that old familiar pain
And as I turned to make my way back home
The snow turned into rain